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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224906">You Should Yell More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan'>mouseratstan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Parks and Recreation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Affairs, Angry Sex, Angst, Ben and Ann Bromance, Cheating, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Episode Related, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Jealousy, Mutual Pining, Political Campaigns, Politics and Government, Rough Sex, Scandal, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Smut, Toxic Relationship, Unrequited Crush, friendships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:42:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>62,949</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23224906</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mouseratstan/pseuds/mouseratstan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The night Mark drunkenly kissed Leslie on a bench besides the pit, she really should have rejected his advances. But after he tumbled right into the pit, she felt too guilty and too personally responsible to say no to him. Now, Mark has been Leslie's boyfriend for a year, right as two State Auditors roll into town to slash and burn. Auditor Ben Wyatt seems a little confused by the Parks Department's bright blonde spitfire suddenly turning quiet in front of her City Planner boyfriend. What is a woman like her doing with a guy like Mark anyway?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt, Mark Brendanawicz/Leslie Knope</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>174</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>183</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note: This story serves also as a sort of commentary on season one Leslie Knope and her relationship with Mark Brendanawicz. This is not a Leslie/Mark fanfic and there are moments where Leslie is purposefully out of character.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leslie Knope was drunk, so drunk, and why did she just throw that bottle towards the pit? It didn’t make it, she failed spectacularly, but she still threw it with the intention of making it into the pit. Mark had mocked her, made fun of her for saying she was the director of the Parks department and shouldn’t be doing this.</p><p>She was drunk and she was very eager to please Mark Brendanawics.</p><p>“It’s unbelievable!” Mark laughed, his words slightly slurred. Leslie shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat. “You missed the entire pit! Which is huge, by the way.”</p><p>She hardly remembers getting here, just that she had a terrible night, missed Andy’s rock show for a date she was tricked into going on, and then she was here, by this terrible, awful pit next to Mark on a bench. And they’re both drunk.</p><p>“Okay, this pit,” she sighed, falling into the tiny bench. Mark was very close to her, she could feel his arms on hers. She felt so small next to him. “Give it to me straight. Are we ever going to turn it into a park?”</p><p>She wanted his real answer. His real, genuine, vulnerable answer. She wanted to know if it was any different than the one he gave Shauna Malwae-Tweep when he took her to bed. Leslie was furious with him then. Now she just hoped he would believe in her.</p><p>“Leslie, this is already a park,” he laughed. He pointed out all its flaws, the dirt and the trash, made a joke about turning this ‘park’ into a pit. Leslie giggled with him. She couldn’t seem to stop herself, what else was she to do? Lecture him? She was too drunk for that and wished too desperately to just have a good time after all this stress.</p><p>He wasn’t sure he believed in her. Mark didn’t have to say it outright, she just knew it to be true. When she pressed on the park, he could only say that he didn’t know. And all Leslie could say is screw it, and maybe just once, deep inside her brain, she kind of wished a guy would tell her she could do anything at all, that this park would be finished because she was Leslie Knope, goddammit, and she could do anything.</p><p>“I really admire your tenacity,” Mark said suddenly. It was the closest compliment she could get to what she really wanted to hear. Her heart fluttered at his words, suddenly finding herself oddly speechless. She blamed the alcohol. And him, being so close to her, close enough that she could smell the beer on his breath. A shiver ran down her spine, there were goosebumps on her skin.</p><p>“I really admire your…” she paused, couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t stop looking at his face, stared for a moment at his lips, and knew she wasn’t going to finish her sentence. Suddenly this scene looked all too familiar, like five years ago, when she lead Mark into her home and they were very drunk even then. He looked at her lips too, and when he draped his arm around her shoulder, she knew she was powerless to stop what was about to happen.</p><p>Mark Brendanawics kissed her, a drunken but gentle kiss, and Leslie kissed him back. She shouldn’t be doing this.</p><p>I need to stop.</p><p>I need to tell him no, I need to reject him, I can’t keep holding on to Mark like this.</p><p>I need to move on.</p><p>She did move away, break the kiss, but by the time she did, it was much too late. The damage had been done. Her breathing got a little heavier.</p><p>“Oh my god, what did I do?” she gasped. “I need fresh air, get me outside, fast.”</p><p>“What? We are outside.”</p><p>“I can’t do this. Why did I…”</p><p>Mark sighed, watching her closely, his hands still lingering on the front of her jacket. It was too cold outside, she decided. She didn’t like it. “Leslie, it’s not that big a deal.”</p><p>Not that big a deal. Yeah, not that big a deal. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe Leslie was just scared, terrified of the idea of really being with him, after surviving on scraps for five years, only memories of one night spent together.</p><p>Leslie knew she should say no. She had every intention of holding her ground, of telling him to go home and then forget this ever happened, because she and Mark should have just been friends. There was no place for a relationship between the two of them, not now. Maybe not ever. He wasn’t great with commitment anyway. Leslie would just end up feeling insecure whenever a girl like Shauna Malwae-Tweep would come around.</p><p>The words were on the tip of her tongue, and he was standing up, and it was perfect timing. No, no no. No, I can’t kiss you. No, I can’t be with you. No, go home. It can’t be that hard to say no.</p><p>But then with one drunken misstep, Mark fell, stumbling down the pit, and he didn’t have a hardhat to protect him from the rocks. Leslie screamed, and everything was a blur, and suddenly Ann was there and beautiful, sweet, perfect nurse Ann Perkins was helping him up as all Leslie could do was cry and cry because how could she possibly say no now?</p><p>She visited him in the hospital the next day, and he seemed different. Almost nicer. As if his trip down to the bottom of the pit changed him. She brought him plenty of waffles from JJ’s Diner that she sat and ate with him and before she left, he kissed her cheek. She promised him she would see him again soon. He promised her he would take her out properly. She didn’t say no.</p><p> </p><p>Roughly One Year Later</p><p>Ben Wyatt needed a drink, desperately. Pawnee, Indiana was a small town, and by god, did it have problems. Chris was perhaps a little too excited to go in, telling Ben that next up was the Parks and Recreation department. Ben took a deep breath, already too worn out from the day. Honestly, sometimes he just really hated being the bad guy, and it looked even worse next to his partner, the literal ball of sunshine Chris Traeger. Everyone loved Chris, it was hard not to. Hell, Ben might complain about him all the time, but he loved Chris too. Their friendship was so far the only constant in his life.</p><p>Pawnee’s City Hall was small, at least next to many others Ben had seen, but that only made what he had to do harder. It was time to make this place even smaller.</p><p>The Parks department was something of a disaster, Ben could tell that much immediately. A dark haired girl, likely no more than twenty-one, was sitting with her feet up on her desk, pushing back her cuticles with a small wooden stick. An older man was sweating profusely, trying so hard not to look at Ben and Chris that he was clumsily knocking almost every paper of his to the floor. Two employees were just chatting away, showing off expensive watches, and he heard a snippet of the woman talking about a Mercedes Benz and the man going on about rap performers. There was next to no work being done whatsoever, and all Ben could do was stand there awkwardly, just a couple of steps behind Chris, clasping his hands together in front of him. Chris was still smiling. It was like he didn’t even see the pain lying ahead.</p><p>There were only two Parks staff waiting for them. A short, scary looking man with an impressive mustache, and a short woman with impossibly bright blonde hair. They looked to be polar opposites of each other, not too unlike Ben and Chris. The man crossed his arms and kept a blank face, the woman had a smile somehow brighter than her hair. They introduced themselves as Ron Swanson and Leslie Knope.</p><p>Ben couldn’t help but notice that Leslie Knope was pretty. Too bad she was likely going to get fired.</p><p>She complimented his shirt when they sat down for their meeting. He appreciated it, he really did, but it also wasn’t the time or place. So he ignored her. Got right to business. He hardly noticed the look on her face or her rising anger. Suddenly it was Leslie with the frown and Ron with the giddy smile, an odd look paired with his mustache. </p><p>“You’re a jerk,” Leslie spouted, and Ben was visibly taken back.</p><p>“I’m sorry?” All he’d done was ask about an employee named Jerry, explained Chris’s over the top positivity, and Ron seemed to love his metaphor of gutting the department with a machete. Most people, Ben knew, saw him as a jerk. It just came with the job, it was to be expected. But none of these people ever had the guts to call him a jerk to his face.</p><p>He didn’t think he liked it. And Leslie Knope kept going. She was passionate, that much was obvious, and she didn’t take kindly to people trying to tear her down. This job mattered to her, and that made him feel just a tiny bit worse. He hated feeling like this, the guilt that came with budget cuts, but Leslie seemed to somehow burn even brighter when she was angry. And something told him this wasn’t even the best she had.</p><p>He had to get out of there.</p><p> </p><p>Ben saw her again, later that night. He couldn’t explain why in hell he came to that stupid bar, to the Snakehole, to a party for an employee who would just end up hating him too. Chris wanted to go. He jumped up and down in their office and said it was April Ludgate’s twenty-first birthday from the Parks department. April Ludgate who got no work done and harassed her co-workers and spent all her time with the shoe-shine boy, why did Ben need to be there, just to get yelled at again by Leslie Knope?</p><p>“Ben Wyatt,” Chris said, holding him by his shoulders, including his first and last name as was his custom in times like this. “Let loose a little bit! Have fun! Why do you care so much about Leslie Knope anyway?”</p><p>Ben shook his head, looking down at the floor, holding his coat closer to his chest. “I don’t. I don’t care about her. But honestly I’m not in the mood to go to a bar and get yelled at by her again. I already feel like enough of a jerk without being reminded of it.”</p><p>The way Chris gripped his arms was almost suffocating. “You, Ben, are a wonderful and amazing partner, and my best friend. You are literally the best person I know, and not a jerk. If you just talk to her, you’ll be fine!”</p><p>Easier said than done. Ben saw her with a friend, a brunette that didn’t look like she belonged in government, and both were likely very drunk at that point. He decided just to watch, for a moment, go over some plan in his head, even if that always made him over think and do nothing at all. Should he apologize? No, no, what would he even apologize for, doing his job? He could say he was sorry for upsetting her, maybe. But what good would that do if he kept upsetting her just by doing his job? She would end up hating him, and oh god why did he even care? This was why Ben never had friends, never stayed connected to anybody from any towns he visited. This is why he only needed Chris and his books and his numbers and a television to watch Game of Thrones and forget about how miserable his life was for an hour.</p><p>From across the bar, she looked happy. Her smile was broad, and Ben likened it to the sun rising it the morning, while her anger and her yelling was something like a wildfire. It lit something in him. If she could say whatever she wanted, why couldn’t he go and just talk to her? Screw it. Ben started to walk towards her.</p><p>She saw him from across the way, whispered something to her friend, who gasped. Ben didn’t care. He knew it was probably mean. He was going to try and get past that. He stood in front of her and all he felt was awkwardness. “Hi,” he started.</p><p>Leslie held her hand up, something like that of a drunken princess. “Hello, Ben,” she said, as Ben reached to take her outstretched hand, shaking it as best he could. Yeah, she was definitely very drunk.</p><p>He let go of her too quickly. Both her and her friend were staring him down. Stop stalling and get talking, Ben, before you start to look like an idiot. “So, uh… I kind of feel like we got off on the wrong foot. So, I just wanted to stop by, and-”</p><p>She bristled. “Yeah, well, save your breath, okay? Just, get out of here. Because this is a party with my friends, and you’re trying to fire all my friends.”</p><p>She was absolutely going to yell at him again, but he didn’t have the guts to stop it. He started stuttering again, how was it he was the one that looked stupid when he was the completely sober one? “I-”</p><p>“Hey, babe,” a new voice said, cutting Ben off effectively. He swiveled around and had to crane his neck upwards to face the taller man, one Ben recognized. He met him earlier that day, when him and Chris stopped by the City Planner’s office. He believed his name was Mark Brendanawics. He must have been dating Leslie’s friend, that's who he called babe.</p><p>But Leslie’s friend didn’t answer. And Leslie’s face started to soften.</p><p>“Hi, Ann,” Mark said, nodding to the brunette. Oh. Oh. Leslie was babe. "State Auditor isn’t bothering you two, is he?”</p><p>He expected Leslie to go off again, start yelling about how Ben was bothering her, thank you very much, and he ought to just get out of here because no one wants him here. He thought Leslie’s face would scrunch up like it did earlier, when she was angry, that her face would turn red, maybe shake her fists, insist Ben was the worst person she ever knew. None of these things happened. Her face twisted in a way where it was nearly unrecognizable, oddly blank and downcast, her eyes wider and softer. She stared at the rim of her drink and she lied. </p><p>“No, babe, he’s not bothering me. Nothing’s going on. How are you?”</p><p>She lied. Leslie couldn’t even lie to Ben, who held all the power to fire her, but she still held her ground and called him a jerk, and now she was soft and looked smaller than before and her brightness seemed to dull, like she was switching into low power mode.</p><p>Mark sat down next to Leslie, wrapping a large arm around her shrugging shoulders, suddenly looking fragile, when moments before they looked like they could hold up the sky. She leaned in to kiss his cheek, which Mark took as an opportunity to steal a kiss from her lips. A strange feeling shot through Ben’s chest at the sight, and Leslie’s friend Ann thankfully looked as uncomfortable as Ben felt. This was wrong. This had to be some practical joke, right? And if Ben just stuck around a moment longer Leslie would snap out of it and start laughing and yelling at him and Mark would go away?</p><p>“Well, I’m going to give you two some space,” Ann announced, and Leslie didn’t even look up to acknowledge this. Ann gave Ben a very pointed look. “You should probably do the same.”</p><p>Ben tilted his head and pointed a finger at the odd pairing, where Mark was now whispering something into Leslie’s ear. “Woah, but wait…”</p><p>Ann grabbed his arm and forcefully dragged him away from the couple, and Ben couldn’t help but think about how much he was pushed around today for someone who’s supposed to be a hard-ass and a scary State Auditor. “Don’t ask,” she hissed into his ear, and the way she stumbled into him reminded him she was drunk. “It’s better if you just forget it. Leave her alone.”</p><p>“Well, what’s going on with…” Ben started, but much too late. Ann was already gone, making a beeline towards Chris, actually, who was talking with some of the Parks department by the bar. Ben took a deep breath, rubbing his brow and trying to make sense of this all. It made him uncomfortable, and that feeling in his chest still hadn’t gone away.</p><p>Ben found himself standing next to Ron Swanson, maybe the one person in the Parks department that liked him after he cut their funding, which was ironic enough on its own. Ben still felt lost. He couldn’t stop looking over at Mark and Leslie and wondering if she was okay. </p><p>“Um, hi Ron, can I ask you a question?”</p><p>Ron shifted. “Normally I would say no, but you, sir, have made me very happy today. Shoot.”</p><p>“How long have they been together?”</p><p>Ben didn’t even have to point out the couple in question. Ron knew. “Leslie and Brendanawics? Maybe a year now. Why do you ask, son?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, unsure if even he knew. The whole situation just rubbed him the wrong way. “Just confused, I guess. No reason.”</p><p>Ron took a moment to answer, finishing off the rest of his whiskey glass. “We’re all confused. Believe me, I’ve tried to talk to her, but she’s stubborn. A word of advice. Try not to get in Leslie Knope’s way.”</p><p>And then Ron was gone, leaving Ben more confused than ever. He watched Leslie Knope that night probably far more than he should have, her and the City Planner, and the way her smile didn’t meet her eyes. In just his short time in Pawnee, Ben had heard stories of Mark Brendanawics, too many stories, and he never could have imagined the sick plot twist that was Mark seriously dating the bright blonde spitfire to call her boss a jerk to his face.</p><p>A small part of Ben already missed hearing Leslie yell at him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leslie didn't much care for Ben Wyatt. Not at first, at least. At first, she hated the way he looked so unimpressed and angry and he wouldn't even be a normal person, for god's sake, all he cared about was tearing down her Parks department until she had nothing left to work for.</p><p>“Honestly, Leslie, I think you should maybe be more careful around Ben,” Ann told her in her office, both of them nursing headaches from hangovers. </p><p>Leslie groaned, shoving her face into a pillow. “Ugh, you sound like Ron. I get it, Ben holds my fate in his hand like a small bird, blah blah blah.”</p><p>Ann blinked. “I guess that's one way to put it.”</p><p>“Hey, you encouraged me! Later that night you said I was very professional around Ben.”</p><p>“I was drunk! You really expected me to be able to give great advice when I was drunk?”</p><p>“Mm, you're right,” Leslie agreed. “Which is a better conversation topic, by the way, who did you make out with last night?”</p><p>For the first time, Leslie wanted to avoid talking about her own issues. She didn't like Ben. She didn't like Ben’s stupid, terrible face and his skinny ties and the way he talked to her. She hated how she wanted to be nice to him but he just ruined it. Stupid, jerk, Mean Ben Wyatt. Cold and callous and an ass.</p><p>But Ron was right. Ron was always right, Leslie thought, except for when it came to government and policies. Then Ron was very wrong and Leslie was always right. Either way, she found herself in Ben Wyatt’s office looking into his stupid pretty eyes.</p><p>“Leslie Knope?” he asked, and he looked genuinely surprised to see her, surveyed her a little too closely. “What brings you in here? Are you okay?”</p><p>Leslie made a face. “Why wouldn't I be okay?” She said it a little too loudly, and she winced audibly at the pain it caused her head. “Okay, shut up, don't say anything. I'm not hungover.”</p><p>He blinked once. “Uh huh.”</p><p>“Why do you care anyway? I don't know why it would matter to you, when all you care about is your stupid cuts and hurting real people with real feelings and I still think you're an ass.”</p><p>To his credit, Ben didn't look very fazed. If anything, there was the tiniest hint of a smile on his face. “Is that all you came in here to say? That you think I'm an ass?”</p><p>She took a deep breath. Nope, nope, she had gone off again, she absolutely hadn't meant to that time. It was like he made it way too easy. “No,” she breathed, and took the seat across from him. “I'm sorry. I mean, what I meant to come here and say to you is that I'm sorry, for yelling at you. All three times.”</p><p>He took a second to answer her, and the whole time Leslie couldn't help but wonder if she blew it, if she was going to be fired right then and there, and then he would really face her full wrath. And then she would sob into a pillow at home until Mark came home and she would have to explain everything to him. She could picture it now. Mark could help her feel better and maybe he would even beat up Ben for firing her.</p><p>“Leslie, listen,” Ben started, and Leslie held her breath. “Do you wanna grab a beer?”</p><p>That was very sudden and unexpected. Her voice went soft. “It's like ten thirty in the morning.”</p><p>He closed his notes and was already starting to get up. “I think you need a beer.”</p><p> </p><p>It was easier to talk to Leslie than Ben could have ever imagined it would be. It was by far the best conversation they’d had, but that wasn't saying much, the bar there was so low. He didn't bring up Mark. He couldn't, not so soon. The best course of action, in Ben’s mind, was just to keep a careful eye on the Parks Department and the City Planner’s office. Ben didn't like to make quick assumptions or jump into things without thinking.</p><p>He would see them around sometimes. Just by chance. In the courtyard, eating lunch together, the looks he would give her. Sometimes Ben would catch her in the middle of what looked like a lively conversation, where she would throw her arms around and her face would scrunch up the way it did when he first met her, and Ben had hope that their relationship was not what it seemed like at first glance. Mark would watch her as she talked, one eyebrow raised with an amused expression, and Ben couldn't help but feel that Mark thought this was funny. The way Mark looked at Leslie was the same way Ben had seen parents look at their kids when they talked about doing impossible things. </p><p>And then Leslie would take a pause in her rant to breathe, and Mark would take the opportunity to say one thing, and then Leslie wouldn't speak again. She would just eat her lunch and keep her mouth shut.</p><p>But Ben didn't care. Nope, he didn't care one bit. He didn't know Leslie Knope, and he didn't know Mark Brendanawics. He was only going to be here for a couple more weeks anyway, and after that those names would mean nothing to him. He wasn't supposed to care, there was no room for it anymore.</p><p>So why did Ben start spending so much time in the Parks Department?</p><p>“They need the help,” Ben found himself explaining to Chris, who was furiously pulling himself up and down on his pull up bar in the doorway. Talking to Chris like this wasn't ideal, it was impossible to read his face and he never knew if he was fully listening. “And the supervision. I mean, they're a mess in there.”</p><p>“I trust you, Ben!” Chris shouted, not even pausing in his workout to say the words. “I bet you know how to fix it already!”</p><p>Ben coughed awkwardly. “Honestly, I don't know. Cuts are going to be hard. You saw what happened when I suggested cutting Leslie Knope.”</p><p>That meeting, Ron Swanson had likely lost any and all respect for Ben that he had. It was obvious that, despite their very differing beliefs, Leslie meant something to Ron, and the rest of the Department. </p><p>Chris finally did take a moment to pause, a thoughtful look crossing over his features. “That was a very hard day, yes. But that concert was fantastic!”</p><p>Freddy Spaghetti. Ben remembered it a little too clearly. “Yeah. Fantastic.”</p><p> </p><p>On the day of the proposed last minute Freddy Spaghetti concert, Leslie was already in a sour mood. Stupid Ben Wyatt was ruining her entire life and ruining everyone’s day- cancelling the concert?! She decided Ben was a monster. A monster who hated children and laughter and happiness, most likely.</p><p>Goddammit, she would put on this concert whether he liked it or not.</p><p>She was busy setting the rest of the Parks department to work, making sure everything was set up perfectly. She didn’t think she could stand to see the disappointing looks on the kids’ faces if this concert wasn’t the absolute best it could be. After spending probably too much time yelling at Tom to stop flirting and get working, and desperately trying to convince Donna to let them use her Mercedes, Leslie felt ready to collapse. Not that that was an option, of course. Leslie Knope never took a break, and never backed down from a challenge.</p><p>But it all took an even bigger turn for the worse when Ron came literally sliding in, announcing that the State Auditors knew, and were coming to shut it down right at the moment.</p><p>Oh, hell no. Leslie would like to see them try to stop her. She would love nothing more than to wipe that stupid, smug look off Ben Wyatt’s terrible attractive face.</p><p>She paused. Yeah, she wasn’t going to tell Mark that thought.</p><p>At least Chris Traeger was nice. He was doing his job the same as Ben was, but his attitude was something that Ben should take notes on. Maybe she would make him a binder for that. She could title it How to Not Be a Terrible, Mean Person, for Ben Wyatt from Leslie Knope. </p><p>She felt her anger growing, her fingers curling into fists as he told the group he was shutting this concert down. Every part of her wanted to rip those stupid sunglasses off his face and break them in half and throw them across the park. She was so close to taking back every apology she gave him and calling him an ass and a jerk all over again.</p><p>She didn’t do those things. But she did yell at him. He made it too easy to want to yell at him.</p><p>“Do you hate kids, Ben? Is that it?” she started off, hands on her hips. Ben blinked twice.</p><p>“I’m sorry? What-”</p><p>“You heard me, Wyatt. All you do since you came here is destroy everything I do, and this is for the children! The children, Ben. Maybe for once in your life do something good?”</p><p>Ben looked very startled, but besides that he seemed to be taking the yelling oddly well. He was starting to smile a little. Smile? Mean Ben was laughing at her now? “So, let me get this straight. Because I’m here doing my job and trying to save your Department from going completely underwater, I hate children?”</p><p>Leslie stuck her chin up in the air. “You do. You must. I feel sorry for whatever future children you might have, you’ll probably never let them go to concerts.”</p><p>A hand touched her arm right as Ben opened his mouth to respond, and she jerked to the side as if to avoid it, ready to explode some more, before she realized the touch came from Mark. She noticed Ben very quickly shut his mouth and take a step back. “Leslie,” Mark whispered close to her ear. She stiffened, her face twisting into something oddly blank. “You’re just going to hurt yourself by doing this.”</p><p>She wanted to yell now more than ever. Mark was on Ben’s side now? Leslie started to shake with something like concealed rage, but when Mark’s hand wrapped around her bicep, she could hardly even breathe, let alone scream. “What are you saying?” she asked him, lowering her voice. She was still looking ahead, avoiding his face. She didn’t want to see Mark’s disappointed look, not now. She wouldn’t be able to handle it now.</p><p>“Do you want to get fired?” Mark whispered, and though the words felt harsh, his tone was oddly gentle. Mark hardly ever raised his voice. “Maybe we should shut this down, Leslie. Don’t go down over something like this.”</p><p>“Why are you fighting me on this?” Leslie asked him, finding her air, speaking a little louder. She knew Ben could hear. She knew he was watching. Just seeing his eyes bore into her with that look of his made her want to cry. She didn’t need his sympathy now, not when he was the one who started this. </p><p>Mark tried to tug her closer, looking and sounded exasperated, no patience for this operation. “Leslie, I didn’t want to have to break the news now, but Donna told me Freddy Spaghetti isn’t coming. He took a gig in Eagleton when Pawnee cancelled on him. They offered him a much bigger price.”</p><p>Leslie felt her heart drop into her stomach, a physical pain that nearly caused her to double over. “Freddy Spaghetti isn’t going to sing?”</p><p>His fingers ran gently down her back, but the motion did not calm her. Painful goosebumps broke out across her skin, the feel of Mark’s hands like poison shooting through her system. She didn’t want to be touched right now. “Babe, let's just go home,” Mark said. “Let this go. It was never going to be perfect anyway.”</p><p>It was never going to be perfect anyway.</p><p>Leslie Knope was not often embarrassed. But all she felt right then was shame.</p><p>That night, Mark tried to beg her to stay home, to stay in bed with him, but she couldn’t. If she didn’t at least try, then was she really Leslie Knope? That night, she stood on that stage herself after everything had gone wrong, after their headliner bailed and Andy landed himself in the hospital, and Mark stood to the side embarrassed and shaking his head at her. She could never have expected Freddy Spaghetti to show up anyway. And the person that brought him, made him a much better offer? She almost couldn’t believe it when she looked off the stage and saw him standing there, smiling, maybe even a little nervous.</p><p>Maybe Ben Wyatt wasn’t so bad after all.</p><p> </p><p>Ben remembered the most clearly the look on Leslie’s face when she saw him, when she realized he was the one that brought Freddy Spaghetti back. He remembered her face going through every level of emotion, from immediate shock to confused to pure happiness. A huge weight was lifted off Ben’s shoulders as she smiled at him, genuinely smiled at him, bigger than he had ever seen. He liked the sight of it, and found himself wishing he could see that smile more often. He especially liked it when he was the cause of it.</p><p>Ben had watched her and Mark that day maybe too closely, straining his ears to catch every word between them. He remembered thinking that Mark didn’t respect her, didn’t believe in her, and for some reason Ben didn’t like that Mark was agreeing with him. He didn’t want Mark on his side. So, screw it. Screw it. Ben threw caution to the wind and did what he never did- he didn’t think. He didn’t think at all, he didn’t waste any time, he used his own money to bring that concert together and goddammit, it was worth it to see Leslie smile at him like that.</p><p>Somewhere deep inside his mind, Ben realized that thinking like that was very dangerous.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you everyone for your kind words! I've been stuck on quarantine because of the virus so I've been popping out chapters waaaay too quickly, hence this one only hours after chapter two. Chapters may be getting shorter from here on out!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben had started to grow quite fond of Leslie Knope.</p><p>He liked to think they were starting up a lovely friendship. At least, he hoped, because she seemed to lighten up when he was around, just slightly. She started to smile at him more, rather than yell at him. She didn't flinch away or recoil when he touched her, and he did seem to touch her a lot lately. Whatever. It's what friends did.</p><p>She very obviously had the flu that day and her boyfriend, Mark Brendanawics, wasn't there to help her through it. Ben stood in her office while she curled into a puffy jacket, muttering about the Chamber of Secrets. “Where is he, anyway?” Ben couldn't help but ask her.</p><p>“In his office,” she told him, causing Ben to narrow his eyes, but not where Leslie could see it. “He's really busy today. I texted him, though, and he said he hopes I feel better.”</p><p>Ben frowned, reaching a hand out to rest on her shoulder. “That's all he said?”</p><p>She bristled. “What do you mean by that? It was sweet. He wants me to feel better.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, but he couldn't come to see you? Make you feel better?”</p><p>“How could he make it better?” she scoffed. “He can't snap his fingers and make the flu go away. There's nothing he could do.”</p><p>Something about this conversation physically pained Ben. Was that really all she thought she deserved? Did she think that's all a boyfriend was supposed to do, all that was possible? It made him sad, an ache in his chest, and he put a hand on her arm to help her stand up, wanting to get her to Ann in the hospital before this got any worse. “I don't know,” Ben continued, unable to help himself, “he could… hug you. He could kiss your forehead, and bring you a blanket and chicken soup and waffles. Take you home and watch documentaries with you. Tell you everything is going to be okay, tell you you're amazing.”</p><p>Leslie was standing now, stumbling across her office and flinging her scarf off. “None of that would make the flu go away, Ben.” She said it as if he were stupid, as it that were the most obvious thing in the world.</p><p>Ben decided it was probably best if he didn't say that kind of thing again. “No, you're right, of course not. Silly me.”</p><p> </p><p>“AAAAAAANN!” </p><p>“Leslie?”</p><p>“Ann, beautiful and perfect unicorn Ann, I promise I'm okay and you can totally let me go.”</p><p>Ann stared at her, dressed in her scrubs and arms full of towels, incredibly patient even now. “Leslie, I will strap you down to your bed if you talk like that again.”</p><p>Leslie was not sick. Not really. Okay, maybe she had the flu, but the flu was nothing on Leslie Knope. The flu was merely a tiny obstacle standing in the way of her making her speech at the Chamber of Commerce. And Ben was truly crazy if he thought she would roll over and let him do it for her. Sure, she and Ben had struck up something like a friendship recently, but there was no way she had that much faith in him.</p><p>“Leslie?” Ann asked her softly, tilting her head to the side. “I could get Mark, if you want? Call him up and get him to come down?”</p><p>“Oh my god, why do people keep asking about Mark? First Ben and now you? No, he's fine. He's working, Ann.”</p><p>“Ben asked about Mark?”</p><p>“He was being weird,” Leslie sighed, fidgeting in her hospital bed. She really did feel fine, as fine as possible, and there was no reason for her to sit here and do absolutely nothing. “He said that Mark should make me feel better, or something. I don't know, Ann, it was weird. Maybe he has the flu and he needs to be in here while I go do my speech. Don't you think? I think that's it, Ann, I think I cracked this mystery wide open.”</p><p>Ann was an expert at predicting Leslie at that point, and pushed her back down into her hospital bed right as she was starting to get up. “Ohhh no no, you get back down, missy. I need to know you'll be here and okay while I go check up on Chris.”</p><p>Chris Traeger, Chris Traeger… Leslie’s flu-ridden brain struggled to place a name to a face for a brief moment, before she remembered that Chris Traeger was Ben’s partner. “Oh! Chris your boyfriend!” she exclaimed, suddenly remembering quite well the drunken make-out session that had turned the State Auditor into Ann’s boyfriend. “Oh God, Chris is here? He has the flu? Is he even okay?”</p><p>Ann smiled wide and gave Leslie a thumbs up. “Nope! He's doing terrible and he's dying. It's great!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn't think he'd ever been more impressed with anyone in his life.</p><p>He thought Leslie was great, yes, that she was bright and capable of a great many things, and he had heard of so many of her accomplishments, but seeing her shine now, in front of his eyes, was an experience that could not be played down, that he would likely never forget for the rest of his life. </p><p>She wasn't even supposed to be there that day. She wandered in with too much flu medication and wobbly feet and something like an accent, asking for money and stumbling across the room insisting that everything was moving. Ben had been so worried for her, grabbing hold of her- just to keep her steady, obviously. It would be a nightmare for her to fall over or throw up in front of this crowd. All he wanted to do was throw her in his car and drive her back to Ann immediately, personally make sure she got back into her hospital bed and that she would be okay. He just wanted her to be okay. So why did he let her go up on that stage anyway?</p><p>Oh, yeah. Because when it came to Leslie Knope, there was no 'letting her’ do anything. She did what she wanted to do, she burned too bright and carved a path to her destination, destroying everything that stood in her way. Even if that thing was Ben.</p><p>But honestly, Ben couldn't imagine himself ever standing in Leslie’s way.</p><p>She delivered her speech perfectly. Not just very well, but perfectly, an expertly done speech that could easily go down in history as one of the best speeches ever given. Ben’s face felt bright red and hot and he could swear he'd never smiled so hard in his life, and all he could do was clap and clap and stare in awe at the amazing woman in front of him. Nobody could do what she did. Nobody.</p><p>That was amazing. That was a flu-ridden Michael Jordan at the ‘97 NBA finals.</p><p>That was Kirk Gibson hobbling up to the plate and hitting a homer off of Dennis Eckersley.</p><p>Ben stopped, took a breath, and whispered to himself, “That was… that was Leslie Knope.”</p><p> </p><p>He went to see her later that day, when she finally got back to her hospital bed, thanks to Ann. He’d asked Ann in an undertone earlier if Mark had shown up at all, even for just a moment, to tell her congratulations or just to make sure she was okay.</p><p>“Not yet,” Ann had told him. “Honestly, I don't think he will. He hardly ever knows what's going on in her life.”</p><p>“Does that not worry you, as her best friend?” Ben asked her, his irritation at Mark rising. He and Chris should've fired Mark as City Planner when they had the chance. “I mean, I don't mean to step out of line, but she can do better than this. She should be with someone who respects her.”</p><p>Ann looked like she wanted to say more than she could. “Look, Ben, I'm not going to lie to you, but I'm not going to indulge you either. I do think Leslie can do better. I think she deserves better than almost any man in the whole world. But when Leslie makes up her mind, it's kind of hard to get her to change it.”</p><p>Still, when Ben went to visit Leslie, he wanted to give her what she was missing. Maybe show her what Mark should be doing, maybe make her smile, just once. He brought her waffles from JJ’s Diner, which he quickly learned was her favorite thing to eat, and had spent hours working on his family’s chicken soup to give her. She only wanted the waffles, didn't care about the soup, but he was so happy that she was smiling that he didn't even care if his hard work stayed untouched.</p><p>“You were amazing out there, you know,” Ben told her as she dug into her waffles. He found he liked the way she ate them, diving right in, completely unashamed of the food that she loved. “I've never seen anything like that before.”</p><p>She smiled at him again, and Ben felt something flip in his chest. “I'm sorry I didn't trust you, Ben, I am. It's just… this festival, it's my baby, you know? It's my one chance to make things right, to prove to everybody that I can do this, that I'm capable.”</p><p>The words were out of Ben’s mouth before he could stop them. “Prove to people like Mark?”</p><p>The silence that followed his statement was deafening, and Ben recognized his mistake instantly. It was too late to go back on it now. All he could do was hold Leslie’s gaze, feeling like her eyes alone would melt him away into nothing.</p><p>“Why would you say that?” Leslie asked him after too long. “What do you mean?”</p><p>Ben’s hands went to his forehead, rubbing that spot on his eyebrow where his headaches always formed. “Shit, I'm sorry, Les, oh god. I only meant- I didn't mean…” he took a deep breath. She was raising a single brow at him, waiting for his explanation. He wished he could run out the hospital doors now and pretend this never happened. “I guess I just have to ask, what are you doing with a guy like Mark Brendanawics? I mean, what do you see in him? He never…”</p><p>Her eyes were burning holes into his heart. “He never what?”</p><p>“He never seems to care, Leslie!” Ben exploded. “He never seems to care about anything at all, let alone you, and he's conditioned you so that you're okay with this, and he never believes in anything you do.”</p><p>“You didn't believe in me today with the speech at the Chamber of Commerce!”</p><p>“And I’m sorry about that! I'm so sorry, Leslie, I was so stupid for not believing in you, but you had the flu and you were a mess, you could barely walk straight, and even despite that I'll never underestimate you again, and, and…” Ben paused in the middle of his ranting, something hitting him so fast he felt faint. Leslie was still staring at him as if ready to kill, so eager to scream at him, to scream her head off, and Ben was hit with such strong emotions that he nearly doubled over. His voice dropped and turned to just above a whisper. “And… and you should yell more.”</p><p>Leslie paused, her voice dropping in the same way. “What?”</p><p>“You should yell more. At me. At Mark. At everyone. You should tell him what you want when you want it, you should tell him how you feel, raise your voice and make him see you, make him see Leslie Knope, just like I do whenever you raise your voice at me. Yell more, be loud and bright and passionate and be everything that I know you are, even when Mark is right in front of you and trying to quiet you down. Don't let him stifle you.”</p><p>Leslie was quiet for so long that Ben was certain she would never speak to him again. She just kept looking at him, and he kept eye contact for as long as he could, no matter how much it hurt. Ben couldn't breathe, suspended in some moment in time where he messed up so badly that Leslie wouldn't even yell at him, she would just be so hurt that she couldn't say anything.</p><p>What she did say hurt just a little bit more than silence.</p><p>“I think you should go, Ben.”</p><p>Gentle, soft, no hint of malice in her tone. He asked her to yell and she met his request with a whisper. </p><p>Ben was halfway to his car when he realized he was crying.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for all the love! You may hate me after this chapter! Just a warning, this chapter WILL make you feel uncomfortable in more than one way.</p><p>Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chris broke up with beautiful, sweet Ann and Leslie was still awkward around Ben and didn’t know what to do about him, so there was no better time to throw herself into her friend's problems than now. Leslie drove Ann all the way home from Indianapolis, forgetting about every single one of her own problems for the sake of the beautiful and crying creature next to her. She told Ann past breakup stories to make her feel better, which slowly worked, but then something else came to Leslie’s mind.</p><p>“Ann,” she said suddenly, causing her best friend to jerk up. “Do you remember what you said to me when I was still pining over Mark a couple years back?”</p><p>Ann swallowed hard. Dangerous conversation topic, probably. Ann was never a big fan of Mark. “That… Mark was stupid for not being into you and you should find someone else?”</p><p>“Bingo! Oh, well, kind of,” Leslie blushed, trying to avoid getting too into this type of conversation with Ann. It was bad enough that Ben tried to have it with her. But speaking of Ben… “To get over someone, Ann, sometimes you have to get under someone else. I’m going to set you up! Find you a better man!”</p><p>“Oh god, Leslie, I’m not sure that’s such a great idea…”</p><p>“Sure it is! In fact, I have someone in mind already. You already know him and he’s great and an excellent public servant and he’s easy on the eyes too.”</p><p>“I think I know where this is going, and I just don’t think that I’m ready yet, Leslie. I always tend to make bad decisions after breakups and I really, really liked Chris.”</p><p>Leslie snorted, turning the corner to pull into Ann’s driveway. “Nonsense. Besides, if you like State Auditors that much, you’re in luck, there’s two of them. Just go to bed and think about Ben, okay Ann?”</p><p>Ann gagged and dragged herself out of the car quickly to run away from Leslie. “Oh, gross, don’t…”</p><p>Leslie rolled down her car window to yell after Ann. “I love you and you’re beautiful, Ann! Think about Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>When Leslie got home that night, Mark was waiting up. She smiled at him, but he didn’t return it.</p><p>“You were supposed to be in Indianapolis,” he said, not even standing up to greet her. “Why did you leave?”</p><p>Leslie’s smile dropped lightly, but her tone attempted to keep things casual. “There was a problem with Ann, so I drove her home. It’s okay, Ron is staying and he’s going to speak for the both of us.”</p><p>Mark sighed, dragging his hand across his forehead. “That was supposed to be you up there, Leslie. With Ron it’ll just end up a disaster, why would you do that? What could possibly have been so bad with Ann to warrant this?”</p><p>She swallowed hard, her voice dropping. “Chris broke up with her.”</p><p>He threw his hands in the air. “Are you serious? You gave this up and created this disaster because of a silly breakup?”</p><p>“She really liked him, Mark! She didn’t even know they broke up because he was so nice about it and then she thought he was cheating-”</p><p>“God, I don’t care about the details, Leslie! I care about how this isn’t good for you. You need to be tougher, you need to look out for yourself, you’ll never get to where you want to be if you keep bending over backwards and rolling over for everybody who claims they need you.”</p><p>There was an odd feeling in Leslie’s chest as he yelled at her, something that pinched at her, made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t so blind that she couldn’t see the irony in Mark’s statement. She took a step back and heard her voice start to rise, for only a moment. “I’m not… I’m not just rolling over for people like Ann. She didn’t ask me to do that, I wanted to! And like it or not, my friends will always come before my work. Friends, waffles, then work. That’s the rule.”</p><p>Mark stood then, so much taller than Leslie that she felt herself shrink. “And what about me, Leslie? Where do I fall in this list? I feel like I’ve hardly seen you since those State Auditors showed up.”</p><p>“I wait for you in my office. I text you and tell you to come over.”</p><p>“And then you work long hours and do things like drop everything for Ann and I don’t see you until bed. At which point you won’t even come to bed with me, you just sit in the kitchen and work some more.”</p><p>“You know I do that! That’s nothing to do with you, I always work into the night and you’ve known this before we even got together.”</p><p>“When’s the last time you told me you loved me, Leslie?”</p><p>She strained to think, having a hard time placing the exact moment. “I… that’s irrelevant, it doesn’t matter, you never say it either. And hey, what do the State Auditors coming have to do with all this anyway?”</p><p>Mark raised a brow at her, as if she were playing with him. “Are you serious? All you do anymore is spend your time with Ben Wyatt.”</p><p>Leslie scoffed loudly, and for some reason, the way Mark said Ben’s name made her fingers clench into fists, her face burning red. “Ben has been helping me with this Harvest Festival! He’s been helping more than anybody else when Pawnee isn’t even his home. He’s a good friend.”</p><p>Mark shook his head. “You’re ridiculous, and you don’t see what's right in front of you. Come here, Leslie.”</p><p>She took a step back instead. “Why?”</p><p>He gave her a look. “Come here.”</p><p>She took a tentative step towards him, having to crane her neck upwards to keep her eyes on him. “What do you want, Mark?” she whispered, and he gripped her chin.</p><p>“I want to know that you and I are okay,” he said, brushing her hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. “I want to hear you say you love me and I want to go to bed with you tonight.”</p><p>Leslie hesitated. “I love you, Mark, I do, but I’m not sure this is a good idea right now. We’re both clearly upset with each other and I have a lot of work to do-”</p><p>“No you don’t,” he told her, before lifting her chin to press a kiss to her lips. She didn’t pull away, but she didn’t exactly eagerly kiss him back, either. “The only work you have to do is coming to bed with me.” He pushed her hair back further to kiss along her neck, his big hands sliding around her waist and fiddling with the hem of her blouse. When he moved to tug her blazer off her shoulders, she moved back an inch and shook her head.</p><p>“Mark-” she started, but he instantly interrupted her.</p><p>“It’s not a big deal, Leslie,” he whispered in her ear, in that tone he always used on her, when he was telling her what to do. She sucked in a deep breath. She didn’t even know how to fight him when he spoke to her like that. It was like she was new in government all over again, having no clue what to do, listening to the City Planner who only wanted to stick around because he liked to laugh at her. </p><p>As his fingers pulled off her blazer and brushed against her skin under her blouse, she thought about that night that he kissed her by the pit. She thought about that single misstep, his fall and his concussion, and her insides seized up. It was all too vivid, and all her fault, all her fault… </p><p>“Okay,” she said, hardly above a whisper. “Okay, you’re right. It’s not a big deal.”</p><p>Mark smiled, and scooped her up to carry her to bed.</p><p> </p><p>The knock on his door late that night surprised Ben. He hadn’t been expecting any visitors… Leslie hadn’t even answered any of his texts or called him back since she got home. He was in his pyjamas and his hair was a mess and oh, god, he hoped it wasn’t Leslie, he didn’t think he had time to run a comb through his hair and dress in better clothes before he had to answer the door.</p><p>When he looked through the peephole, he wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed that it wasn’t Leslie standing there, but Ann Perkins.</p><p>Ben pulled open his motel room door, tilting his head to look at Ann, who had obviously been crying not that long ago. Her mascara was a mess under her eyes and her hair was sticking up straight in the back, which she quickly smoothed out when she saw his eyes drifting there. “Uhh… Ann? What are you doing here?”</p><p>She barged into his motel room, throwing herself onto his couch and burying her face in her hands. “Chris broke up with me.”</p><p>Ben pursed his lips, having no idea what to do with this crying woman that he still felt like he hardly knew. “Oh, yeah, like a week ago, right?”</p><p>Ann stared at him through red eyes. “Yeah, but I didn’t know about it until tonight. I’m sorry, Ben, for showing up here, I just…”</p><p>“Hey, don’t even worry about that,” he told her, coming over to sit beside her on the couch. It was weird, sure, Ann was Leslie’s best friend and was Chris’s girlfriend, and they had never really had time just to talk, the two of them. They sat close together, and Ben put a hand on her shoulder that he hoped felt comforting and reassuring. “I know what it’s like, to be heartbroken and go to the first person you can think of. But, I’m willing to listen if you want to talk about it.”</p><p>The look she gave him was slightly happier, her eyes widening with appreciation. Ben felt relieved that he had somehow managed not to mess this up so far, surely he would never hear the end of it from Leslie if he somehow hurt her best friend further. “Thank you, Ben. Talking… talking sounds kind of nice. And if you say you know how it feels…”</p><p>He nodded, and suddenly Ann was much closer to him than she was before. He felt her knee touching his, and didn’t know exactly how to inch away without making it awkward. So he stayed there. “I do,” Ben said, looking at her curiously, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I do know how it feels. I mean, I… we all want things… people, that we can’t have sometimes.”</p><p>He couldn’t have the person that he wanted. And Ann couldn’t have what she wanted either. Both of them were hurting but Ben didn’t fully understand why he was, only that there was a deep pain in his heart that he decided wouldn’t go away unless he kissed someone right then and there. No matter who it was, even if it was Ann Perkins and that was against a million best friend codes.</p><p>Even if he thought about someone else while he was kissing her.</p><p>And then Ann was leaning even closer and for a fleeting moment, he knew Ann wanted to kiss him too. Their faces were inches apart and he could smell the alcohol on her breath, like red wine and rose perfume. “Yeah,” she said to him, and her eyes were no longer on his, but instead on his lips. “We all want things we can’t have. You know, Ben, Leslie once told me something interesting.</p><p>Oh god, Leslie. Leslie, Leslie, Ben was thinking of Leslie while Ann Perkins was right in front of him and wanting to kiss him. “What’s that?”</p><p>“She said sometimes the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”</p><p>Ben’s breath caught in his throat, and why did thinking of her feel almost physically painful? “She said that?”</p><p>“Mmhm,” Ann said, just a little bit closer, and as if to desperately erase this pain in his heart and forget for a moment how that felt, his hand cupped Ann’s face, pressing against her hair. Their foreheads touched, but why didn’t Ben feel any better yet? “I was going to spend the night with her, you know. But she had to go home to Mark. So I came here, I hope that’s okay.”</p><p>Ben froze, just as he was about to close his eyes and the distance between them. Where before there was a dull throb in his heart, now it was beating faster than ever. “Leslie is with Mark right now?”</p><p>At first, Ann didn’t seem fazed by his concern, just covering her hand over his on her cheek. “I mean, yeah, obviously, they live together.”</p><p>“That’s why she didn’t answer me,” Ben gasped. “But she always calls me when she gets home, and we talk about the Harvest Festival, and why didn’t she call me back this time?”</p><p>“Relax, Ben, she’s not hurt or anything, she’s probably just having some kind of crazy sex which is WAY better than work-related phone calls, for the record-”</p><p>“Oh god,” Ben groaned, and he ripped his hand away from Ann’s face to clutch his heart, beating so fast he had to wonder if this was what a heart attack felt like. Oh god, Ben was going to die and it was going to happen with Ann Perkins in his house even though she’s Chris’s ex-girlfriend and Leslie was at home likely having sex with her boyfriend Mark Brendanawics and there was absolutely nothing Ben could do about that. All he knew was that for whatever reason, that thought made him want to cry and have something to drink and pass out in his bed alone.</p><p>“Oh my god, I think I know what’s going on here,” Ann said with sudden clarity, standing up and staring at Ben with an open mouth. “I absolutely know what’s going on here. Ben, you like Leslie.”</p><p>Ben ran his hands through his hair and refused to meet Ann’s eyes. “She’s my friend, of course I like her.”</p><p>“No, no no no, you LIKE her, you actually like her! You have a crush on Leslie!”</p><p>That squeeze on his heart was back, and all he could do was start pacing around his motel room like a madman. “I… I would never… like Leslie? That’s ridiculous, she’s not even… she doesn’t even… and she has a boyfriend…”</p><p>Ann was taking this a little differently than he might have expected from someone who was wanting to kiss him just a couple of minutes ago. She jumped up and down and clapped her hands together, her smile widening considerably. “Oh my god, Ben likes Leslie! This is the best possible news ever. Ben, I am so sorry for whatever that was just now and we should totally forget it ever happened, right? We should just forget it.”</p><p>Ben covered his face. “Yeah, and maybe never mention it again. Or the fact that you're delusional and think I have some kind of crush on Leslie.”</p><p>Ann dropped her hands to his shoulders and stared at him with a look very different than the last couple minutes. “Ben, listen to me very closely. This is the best news I have ever received in my life because it means that maybe I can finally get Leslie away from Mark and on to a better guy. I don't care for your denial right now, Ben, because I'm about to go home and think like Leslie.”</p><p>Ben frowned. “Which is… doing what?”</p><p>She smiled broadly. “I'm making an idea binder. Operation: Save Leslie is totally and one hundred percent ON, Benjamin.”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This one might hurt. I'm not sorry, for the record.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Harvest Festival went well. Ben always knew that it would, because Leslie was absolutely perfect at everything she did and how could it ever go wrong? There had been a moment there, a dark, self-pitying moment, where Ben had been convinced that if this Harvest Festival were to somehow fail, it would be because of him. Ice Town flashed through his brain and he couldn't stop thinking the word “curse” and how if anything was cursed, it was him, and that was why nothing ever went right for him.</p><p>Including the way he felt about Leslie.</p><p>Because he knew, the second he left the Festival and Leslie stared after him, that Ann had been completely right, about all of it. And the realization that his feelings for Leslie were more of the romantic kind nearly crushed him instead of making him feel lighter. Suddenly, he wanted to spend every minute with Leslie, but every second that he did was pain and jealousy and she had a boyfriend that she loved and lived with and Ben could never be it for her.</p><p>So he left the Harvest Festival that day, and he didn't come back. He couldn't stand to think that he might have been the one making it all go to hell, and he couldn't bear the way she looked at him. They did their silly little handshake that Ben had grown to love, because any small amount of contact with her was great and just being silly and dorky with her was perfect, and then Mark was there and he rolled his eyes and kissed Leslie on the lips and got her back to work. When Ben closed his eyes, he still saw that kiss in his head.</p><p>He’d chanced one look back as he left the Festival. It was a mistake. Mark held Leslie around her waist and pressed a kiss to her bright hair, and everything in Ben seized up, needing to get away as quickly as he possibly could. So he stayed away. She called him several times that night, updating him through texts that things were getting back to normal, all was going well again, and he should come back and have fun and watch Li’l Sebastian with her, but he couldn't. Just the idea of standing next to her with Mark on her other side hurt too much to bear.</p><p>She stopped calling him around the fourth day of the Harvest Festival. For some reason, this hurt Ben more than anything else.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie was mad at Ben.</p><p>Very mad, not just annoyed, but absolutely and completely pissed off at him, because how dare he? They had spent months and months on late nights and notes and planning and meetings and prepping for this Harvest Festival for the Parks Department, only for him to bail just as things started to go wrong. And then he didn't even have the nerve to come back once and check up on the Festival? To check up on her?</p><p>“Ann, your boyfriend sucks.”</p><p>Ann squeezed her eyes shut and groaned. “For the last time, Ben is not my boyfriend so please stop saying that because it makes me feel weird. And makes Ben feel weird. And likely Chris.”</p><p>“Do you think I care how Ben feels?” Leslie hissed, gripping the edge of her desk. “I hope he feels weird because he’s a jerk and… and I should've known he was from the beginning.”</p><p>“Honestly, Leslie, I feel like you should just talk to him about it. It's probably a big misunderstanding,” Ann said, always the reasonable one. But Leslie didn't want reason just then, she wanted anger and unjustified rude remarks and lots of whipped cream to stress eat. “You're going to Andy and April’s party, right? I know that he got invited too.”</p><p>Leslie scrunched up her face. “If he goes then I'm going to avoid him the entire time. You can talk to him and maybe make out with him. I think he sucks, Ann, but you don't have to think that.”</p><p>“Oh, absolutely not. I am not going to that party and I'm definitely not going to make out with Ben. That's a non-starter.”</p><p>“Wait, what? Why not?”</p><p>“I'm not into Ben! Honestly, Leslie, and he isn't into me either-”</p><p>“No, not that!” Leslie waved her hand. “Although, you won't know he isn't into you until you talk to him… but that's not the point! Why aren't you going to the dinner party?”</p><p>Ann groaned, slumping back in her usual chair in Leslie’s office. Thank god Tom wasn't there at that moment, he was off doing… whatever the hell it was that Tom did when he wasn't in his office. “It's Andy’s dinner party, I don't want to go to a party that my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend are hosting, they wouldn't even want me there! No, no, I have other plans. But you, Leslie, are going to go to that damn party and talk to Ben!”</p><p>“I'll talk to Mark and avoid Ben more like it,” Leslie muttered, refusing to look at Ann as she dove into her work binders. Ann just sighed and shook her head, and Leslie pretended she didn't see.</p><p> </p><p>As much as Leslie tried to avoid Ben that day, staying out of his path when they both worked in City Hall was proving to be a very difficult accomplishment. It was much later that day, out in the courtyard when Leslie was eating a quick lunch alone, that Ben actually seemed to actively seek her out.</p><p>Leslie stiffened, avoiding looking into his eyes. “Well,” she said, not even trying to hide her icy tone. “Look who decided he wanted to show his face again.”</p><p>Ben sighed, dragging his hand over his face. “Leslie, I'm really sorry about the Harvest Festival-”</p><p>“Are you, Ben? Are you really? Because if you were, you might have bothered to show up even ONCE for the several days it was open. You couldn't even call me and tell me what the hell was wrong.” Leslie felt her anger rising already, but what was worse, she also felt the sadness building. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Ben, not when she was mad at him and trying to yell at him and make him feel bad.</p><p>He did look hurt, there was that. He kept shifting back and forth on his feet, and his hands were shaking, unable to look at her, looking everywhere in the courtyard but at her. “I'm sorry, god, I'm so, so sorry, Leslie, I didn't know what to tell you-”</p><p>“Anything! You could've told me ANYTHING, Ben! I get it, you're scared of Ice Town and you thought you were the curse. From what I can tell, you mismanaged the hell out of it and it was entirely your fault.”</p><p>He closed his eyes. “Wow, why even say that?”</p><p>“I thought you were better than running away, though, Ben. We worked so hard on this for months, made me get into a fight with my boyfriend, just for you to ditch me at the last second and leave me to deal with the consequences.”</p><p>When Leslie chanced a look at him, a real look at him, she could see the effect her words had on him. For a moment, seeing his hurt felt really, really good, like some kind of sick revenge for making her hurt for days on end after he left her stranded. And she still had so much to say.</p><p>Ben was still shaking, his hands running through his hair and leaving it sticking up on end. “You… you got into a fight with Mark?”</p><p>She threw her hands up in the air. “I did! Of course I did! All I did for months was stay up all night and work with you and it put a strain on my relationship, for you! Are you happy, Wyatt?”</p><p>He shook his head over and over again. “No, no, I'm not, I'm sorry, I never meant to… but…” Ben took a deep breath, clenched his hands tight, and when he exhaled, he looked a little more stable. “But maybe I'm not sorry about that part, actually. Because he should have understood how much this Festival meant to you and he should have supported you, it never should have started any kind of fight-”</p><p>“Shut the HELL up, Ben,” Leslie hissed, and she was so upset then that she stood from her table. She was still shorter than Ben, standing didn't make much of a difference, but it was worth it for the way he backed up and away from her. “Stop being such a hypocrite when it comes to Mark. You get mad at him for things and then you turn around and make me feel worse. Don't get mad at him for not understanding my love for the Festival when you left me high and dry and never came back. What can you possibly say to explain that?”</p><p>Ben was back to trembling, and she watched the way he became speechless all over again, the way this was clearly torturing him but goddammit, Leslie didn't care. She would care, she knew she would care tomorrow, or maybe even a couple hours, because Ben had become one of her closest friends, but just then she was seeing red and all she wanted to do was explode and cry and tell Ben she never wanted to see him again even if she really, really didn't mean that.</p><p>Ben choked on nothing, his voice wavering, too soft, too sad. “I have no explanation. None that would make sense, nothing to justify my behavior. I made a stupid mistake because… because I was drowning in self pity and I hated myself and, fuck, Leslie, I hated seeing Mark and the way he treated you, and the way he walked around as if he was just waiting for something to go wrong, and I couldn't stand being there because I think you deserve better-”</p><p>“You have no right to tell me what I deserve!” she screamed at him, fully exploding now, and she just knew her face was red and there were tears in the corners of her eyes. “Stay the hell out of my relationship, it has NOTHING to do with you, and it's disgusting how much you care about this when it's my problem and my choice.”</p><p>Ben was crying. Oh god, Ben was crying, and trying so hard to hide it, but she saw the way he attempted to discreetly wipe his hand across his cheek. “I just wanted you to be happy-”</p><p>“THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!” Leslie pushed Ben away from her when he moved closer, backing further and further away the angrier she felt. “Leave me the fuck alone, fuck you, Ben, can't you see you're the one that's hurting me and not Mark?”</p><p>“I never wanted to, please-”</p><p>“GO AWAY! I swear to you, get out of my face and leave me alone.” Her breathing was so heavy, her heart pounding, all she saw was a blur and her body was in so much pain she felt like she was going to collapse. What's worse, she hardly knew what was wrong with her at all. Why did Ben have this effect on her? Just him leaving at the Festival made her feel like the world was ending and when he wouldn't call her back, like she was nothing at all, and now as she pushed him away from her, she felt like she would never recover.</p><p>But still, she couldn't stop herself. It was as if the only way she could feel better again was if Ben was gone. Because if he was gone, just seeing his face wouldn't hurt her or haunt her anymore.</p><p>And Mark wouldn't fight with her anymore, making her feel insignificant. Mark, who had asked her to cut Ben out.</p><p>Leslie took a deep breath, and her next words were calmer, more even toned, because she didn't want to give Ben the satisfaction of her yelling at him when she knew just how much he would have wanted that. “Do you really want to make me happy, Ben? Do you really want to fix this?”</p><p>When he opened his mouth, his words came out a desperate gasp. “Yes. More than anything, yes.”</p><p>“Then stay away from me,” she spat. “I never want to see you again.”</p><p>And Leslie turned and walked away, back to her office, wiping away her tears so that Ben wouldn't see them. She didn't look back at him, didn't want to see the damage done, because she didn't want to admit that she already regretted doing it.</p><p>At least Mark would be happy.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys! Today is my 21st birthday and I wanted to post a chapter! Had so much fun writing this one, honestly I should include the rest of the Parks Department in this fic more.</p><p>Thanks for all the love!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben tried not to let it hurt him too much, he really tried. He told himself over and over again she didn’t mean it, and then he insisted it was a dream and it didn’t happen at all, and then he tried to not care about it at all. He pretended he was fine and none of it mattered, that she made her choice, and he didn’t even want to talk to Leslie anyway and- oh god. He couldn’t do this.</p><p>All his resolve came crashing to the floor an hour before Andy and April’s dinner party when he found himself pounding his fist on Ann’s door. She threw it open with an exaggerated look, but paused when she realized it was him. “Oh god, Ben, I was about to yell at you for the noise, but you look… what the hell happened to you?”</p><p>“Alcohol,” he said simply. He hadn’t drinken that much, really, just enough to get him by, enough that it was working very well as a depressant and Ann absolutely saw the tears in his eyes. “Operation: Save Leslie is off.”</p><p>Ann stared at him and sighed. “Come in, come in. I was going to go to this Single’s Mixer, but… you look like you need the company and honestly I think I would rather do anything in the world right now over that. Take a seat, I’ll get you some water.”</p><p>Ben sunk into Ann’s couch, stretching tentatively, feeling wrong, and off. “I don’t need water.”</p><p>“Too bad, I don’t care what you think you need,” she snapped at him, pushing a glass into his hands that he felt he couldn’t refuse. He took a small sip and squeezed his eyes shut. What the hell was he even doing here? “What do you mean by Operation: Save Leslie is off? What happened?”</p><p>“She hates me,” Ben choked, looking at his feet. “We can’t… I can’t… I can’t do anything if she hates me.”</p><p>Ann raised a brow. “Okay, did she actually say she hates you or are you maybe being dramatic?”</p><p>“I’m not! I mean, she didn’t say it really, but she might as well have said it.” At the look Ann shot him, he wanted to kick his feet like a child. “I’m not being dramatic! Leslie said she never wanted to see me again. That was what she really said. That I had to leave her alone because I was… I was hurting her…”</p><p>Ann’s face softened instantly, but that didn't erase the confusion etched on her features. She took too long to answer him, and all Ben could do was sit on her couch while his hands wouldn't stop shaking and his mind wouldn't shut off and god, he fucked up. He really and truly fucked up. “That… that doesn't sound like Leslie.”</p><p>“Well she said it! She said it and she meant it and she hates me, so this stupid Operation is off and that's all I came here to tell you.”</p><p>“I don't understand, why wouldn't she have texted me that this happened? Leslie texts me if she sees a bug on the sidewalk, why wouldn't she mention fighting with you?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, pushing the water away from him and pressing his head into his hands. “What do you want me to say about that? It happened and that's the truth, I can't explain her texting habits.”</p><p>Ann rolled her eyes. “No, but I can, you baby. I don't think Leslie's okay. Honestly, I kind of think Mark might have set her up to this.”</p><p>“Okay, now you just sound like a conspiracy theorist.”</p><p>“No, Ben, I'm serious. Mark gets weird when he gets jealous, and it's not the first time he's tried to get Leslie to stop talking to a guy. There was this cop Dave once…”</p><p>Ben waved his hands, cutting Ann off. “No, stop. I don't want any kind of false hope. Even if that were true, that doesn't mean she’ll talk to me again. It doesn't matter. She’ll get her wish.”</p><p>Ann moved to sit next to him, her eyes darkening. “What do you mean? You both work at City Hall, and Chris told me he offered you that job as Assistant City Manager…”</p><p>“I'm not going to take it,” he insisted. “I can go back on the road, as a State Auditor. They asked me to, I can leave Pawnee and Leslie will get her wish and everything will go back to normal. Great? Great.” Ben stood, took a large drink from his water glass, and held his hand out to Ann as if to shake it. “It was really nice knowing you, Ann, I will not remember it fondly.”</p><p>“Benjamin Wyatt, you shut the hell up right now, you're not going anywhere.”</p><p>“How are you going to stop me?” Ben hissed. “It's a good, decent job, doing what I've always done, hacking up budgets and ruining people’s lives. Clearly that's all I was ever meant for.”</p><p>Ann looked ready to tear her hair out, grabbing Ben by the shoulders and forcing him to look at her. “Listen to me, Ben. I'm gonna be honestly, the last thing I want to do right now is listen to your pity party. What we're going to do is go to Andy and April’s party.”</p><p>“Oh god, please, she’ll be there, I can't do that—”</p><p>“Too bad! I didn't want to go either, but now we are, and you're going to suck it up. I'm going to figure this out and if by the end of the night you still feel like leaving Pawnee… then I'll let you go. I won't try to stop you. Okay?”</p><p>Ben took a long time to answer. Too many things could go wrong. He sighed. “I better not regret this.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben kept himself very reserved as he walked into Andy and April’s house for the party, wanting to keep to himself and not make a big deal out of anything he did. Of course, the minute he and Ann walked in, there was a large shout.</p><p>“HEEEY! Ann and Ben the Nerd are here!” came a voice that could only be the one and only Tom Haverford, who seemed to appear out of thin air, clapping Ben’s shoulder and causing him to flinch.</p><p>“Do you have to call me that every time?” Ben muttered, rubbing his shoulder, completely confused by his own friendships with the Parks Department. God, did they love him or hate him? Ben probably shouldn't have spent as much time with them as he had leading up to the Harvest Festival. It would've been easier to leave them all.</p><p>As Tom forced Ann into a very affectionate hug, Ben noticed that, unfortunately, Tom’s shout had alerted just about the entire house to their presence. Andy shouted with glee, clapping down on Ben’s shoulder in the same spot Tom did, except with Andy, the action nearly brought him to his knees. He winced, accepting a bear hug from Andy, as April seemed to slide in out of nowhere.</p><p>“I don't see any 3D capable TV, Ben,” April said, with a bite on his name, and all Ben could do was shrug. He’d been asked to bring way too much to this party he didn't even want to go to, and now April was probably going to kill him in his sleep. Great.</p><p>Ben stumbled and stammered over his words. “I… I just, you know… there wasn't time to get one?”</p><p>April’s expression didn't change. “Did you at least bring the 3D glasses?”</p><p>He gave her a weird look. “What good would the glasses be with no 3D TV?”</p><p>“Andy wanted to wear them around the house and pretend he’s a superhero.”</p><p>Andy took that precise moment to toss a football over everyone’s heads and knock over several glasses, the people closest scrambling to avoid the mess. Ben sighed and rubbed his brow. “Why am I not surprised?”</p><p>Ann tugged on Ben’s arm and whispered in his ear. “Whatever you do, don't look behind you.”</p><p>“If you say that, that just makes me want to look more— oh.” Ben turned, and the first thing he saw was bright blonde hair, large fingers brushing through her curls. Mark had a tight grip on Leslie, the hand not in her hair wrapped securely around her waist, leading her around the room. Ben understood why Ann wouldn't want him to look now. He clenches his fists with a need to even his heart rate, hoping Leslie hadn't seen him yet, that she didn't know he was here.</p><p>No. She looked at him. Leslie looked Ben directly in the eye, a flash of emotions across her features, before she very pointedly grabbed Mark by the front of his shirt and tugged him down for a kiss. Ben looked away with a very red face.</p><p>“This was a mistake,” he told Ann frantically. “I shouldn't have come.”</p><p>“Ben, you need to relax. We will figure this out, okay?” she told him, but even Ann couldn't stop watching Leslie and Mark. “Just go sit down, get yourself a beer, relax, okay?”</p><p>Ben shuddered, but accepted the Miller Lite Tom passed his way, sitting down on the couch next to him. Ann walked away, in Leslie’s direction, and Ben tried his hardest not to watch their exchange.</p><p>“Dude, are you okay?” Tom asked him, but Ben knew better than to mistake his asking for genuine curiosity. “You look like Game of Thrones got cancelled.”</p><p>Ben sucked in a breath. “Okay, first of all, they would never cancel Game of Thrones—” the look Tom gave him made Ben pause, shake his head. “Never mind, you don't care. I'm fine, I'm just…” You know what? Screw it, Ben thought. Why not tell people? See if Leslie heard about it, figure out her reaction? “Actually, I'm thinking of leaving Pawnee.”</p><p>Something almost real flashed across Tom’s face, but disappeared way too quickly. “Well, I’d be sorry to see you go, man. It feels good to have you around, makes me feel better about myself.”</p><p>Ben blinked, a little taken back. “Wait, really? Tom, that's—”</p><p>“Yeeeeah, don't take that as a compliment, Ben. I mean that, when I see you, I feel better because I know that I'm NOT you.” Tom clicked his tongue, stood up, and flashed finger guns at Ben. “Tommy out.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, alone again, and took a longer drink of his Miller Lite. He shouldn't take it personally, he knew that's just how Tom was, how he hid behind insulting humor, but still. Ben couldn't help but think maybe Pawnee really was better off without him.</p><p>Leslie was probably better off without him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ann!” Leslie hissed, having been pulled away from Mark for the third time that night. “I already told you, I don't want to talk about it—”</p><p>“Too bad, Leslie!” Ann snapped, and her reaction made Leslie stop fighting. “I'm your best friend, so you better talk about it, because that's the rules of best friendship. You said it yourself.”</p><p>God, Ann was good. Leslie had said that, very many times. But still. It was just so hard for Leslie to talk about, especially with Mark so close, and when she knew Ben was in the room. God, why did Ben have to be in the room? It was killing her to see him, everytime their eyes met she had to distract herself to keep from talking to him, dragging Mark into kisses she didn't even want to give him.</p><p>“Look, Ann…” Leslie sighed, watching Mark out of the corner of her eye as he started up a conversation with Ron, Tom, and Jerry. “It's just hard, okay? But it's for the best. Ben let me down, and I needed to let him go. Friendships just fade sometimes.”</p><p>Ann stared at her for several long seconds. “Have you been body snatched or something? The real Leslie Knope that I know and love would never EVER insist that sometimes friendships ‘just fade.’ I mean, coming from the woman who makes me friendship cookies and bracelets every week!”</p><p>“Mm, I think I should up it to twice a week actually, I have more time on my hands now that I'm not talking to Ben—”</p><p>“Leslie, I swear to god, if you don't tell me what's going on right now, I will… I will go to Sue’s Salads. And eat a salad. And LIKE it.”</p><p>Leslie gasped dramatically, a hand to her heart. “You wouldn't dare!”</p><p>“Oh, I would! Spill, Knope. Now.”</p><p>Leslie pouted, wanting to stomp her feet like a child. She did, actually, unashamed of it. “Mark doesn't trust him, okay? He thinks he has some kind of ulterior motive, said it would be better for me if I stopped talking to Ben. Are you happy?”</p><p>“Oh my god, Leslie, no!” Ann hissed. “Since when the hell do you let a man make that kind of decision for you? Hello, feminist icon? Do we need to go to your office and look at your wall of inspirational women?”</p><p>Leslie opened her mouth to answer, but was immediately cut off by Andy taking the microphone, addressing the room at large.</p><p>“Attention!” Andy screamed into the mic, and the crowd flinched. “Madams and…. others. Big event in that room in ten minutes.” And then, as if he just couldn't contain himself any longer, he burst out, “It's a wedding ceremony! April and I are getting married! Go, go, go!”</p><p>“Andy!” April whined, showing up at his side in a different dress, a white one covered by a jacket. “You weren't supposed to say anything yet!”</p><p>“Oh, babe, I just couldn't keep it in any longer, and you look so HOT…” Andy gasped and covered his face with his hands. “Babe stop! I told you already I can't look at you yet!”</p><p>Leslie's eyes were practically bulging out of her head and this announcement. “Oh my god, Andy and April are getting married?” While terrible news, Leslie also considered this fantastic news. There was nothing like stopping an entire wedding to keep her mind off of Ben-related matters. “I'm sorry, Ann, I loved talking to you and you're a beautiful sorceress princess, but I'm done talking about this because I have to throw myself into stopping this wedding. Bye!”</p><p> </p><p>Maybe Ben did it because he had a little too much to drink at that point. Or maybe it was because everyone he talked to seemed to accept him leaving Pawnee, despite them insisting they would be sad to see him go. Maybe it was Andy and April’s sudden wedding, seeing April walk down the aisle, the two exchange odd vows, the speeches that followed. </p><p>Or maybe it was just because Mark Brendanawics was a dick.</p><p>The party continued after the wedding ceremony, almost everyone in much higher spirits, except for Ben, and except for Leslie, who had spent so much time trying to stop this wedding only to leave it alone in the end. She sat with Ron in the back of the room, talking with downcast eyes, but for once, Ben wasn't watching her. He was watching Mark, who had taken the momentary loss of his girlfriend on his arm to go around and tell everyone about her. Not in a way a boyfriend should, no. Not at all.</p><p>“It's a miracle the Harvest Festival worked out at all, honestly,” Mark was saying to a group of people Ben didn't even know. “I'm pretty sure I was holding my breath the entire time, I didn't want Leslie to get her hopes up.” Mark laughed then, prompting the others to do the same.</p><p>“Yeah, I've heard she can be kinda… erratic,” someone said. Mark rolled his eyes.</p><p>“God, that's a nice way to put it,” he said. “I was prepared to serve her wine for weeks after it failed, she’d be destroyed. I love her, god I do, but she just shoots too damn high sometimes, you know?”</p><p>“How did the Festival even succeed anyway?”</p><p>Mark snorted. “Hell if I know. She must have had a ton of help.”</p><p>“Say that again,” Ben said.</p><p>Mark froze, turning around and looking for the source. “Ben?”</p><p>“Say that again,” he repeated, clutching his beer so tightly in his hands he feared it might shatter. “Go on, say it. Say it louder so everyone can hear you.”</p><p>Ben stood up as Mark walked closer to him, looking him up and down. Mark was taller than Ben was, stronger. He could easily take him down. Ben didn't care just then. He was seeing red. “Look, Ben,” Mark whispered, in that same goddamn condescending tone he used on Leslie all the time, “what are you doing, man? Go home, I think you've had a bit too much to drink.”</p><p>“NO!” Ben shouted, and it was loud enough now that the crowd started to quiet, parting for Ben and Mark, watching this event unfold. He saw Leslie stand up out of the corner of his eye, saw Ann reach out to stop her from coming over. “No, you need to go home, asshole. Say that shit about Leslie one more time, I dare you.”</p><p>Mark’s usually vacant features suddenly turned darker, angrier. “You'd be better off staying out of my business, Wyatt. None of this is yours to talk about.”</p><p>Ben was furious now, the alcohol coursing through his veins, making him much braver than any given day. “No! No, I'll say whatever I want when all you've done is be a jerk and a terrible boyfriend to her. You take back that shit you said about her now.”</p><p>Mark was silent for a long moment, looking around at the now deadly quiet crowd that surrounded them. “Or what?” he whispered.</p><p>“NOW!” Ben screamed, pushing furiously at Mark’s shoulders, but it didn't mean anything. “SAY SORRY!” He pushed and he pushed, but Mark didn't even budge, looking at him like he was a nuisance more than anything else. Mark grabbed Ben’s wrist and gently pushed him off of him.</p><p>“Go home, Ben,” Mark said, much too calm, and that broke something in Ben. “Go sleep it off, and I'll try not to hold this against you. Go home.”</p><p>The room went blurry, spinning strangely, and Ben’s entire body started to shake. He didn't regret it. He couldn't regret it, not when Mark said all those awful things. Leslie could do more in one day than Mark could in his entire lifetime. Ben started to breathe too heavily, and looked for Ann in the crowd.</p><p>“I'm going,” he said, and realizing Ann wouldn't hear him from here, he shouted it again. “I’M GOING! And don't try to stop me, Ann. It's… it's over.”</p><p> </p><p>Leslie's eyes widened as a very drunk and screaming Ben grabbed his phone and called himself a cab, running out of Andy and April’s house at top speed. She had no clue what to do. Did she go after him? No, no, of course not, he just yelled at her boyfriend after a wedding ceremony. She didn't know what warranted the yelling, what Mark might have been saying, but there's no way he deserved it. Right?</p><p>She went to move, to go anywhere but here, maybe stress eat whipped cream, when Ann grabbed her shoulders and spun her around to face her. “Leslie, you better listen to me right the hell now, no more avoiding this.”</p><p>“Ann, stop it!” Leslie cried, trying to pull herself from her best friend’s grasp. “I just… I need to go, I really need to go home—”</p><p>“No, what you need to do is go to Ben. Right now.”</p><p>She threw up her hands. “Why the hell would I do that?—”</p><p>“Because he’s trying to leave Pawnee, Leslie!” Ann screamed, and it was the first thing she said that really and truly made a Leslie stop in her tracks.</p><p>Her voice was breathy, barely there. “He… what?”</p><p>“Ben is trying to leave Pawnee. He was offered his job back as State Auditor, he's planning to turn down Chris’s offer as Assistant City Manager.” Ann was speaking so fast she was gasping to get the words out. “I tried to give him one reason to stay, Leslie, but he wouldn't budge. You need to go to him, stop him, right now, before both of you make decisions you're going to regret for the rest of your lives.”</p><p>This time, and only this time, Leslie didn't even try to fight Ann on this. She set her jaw, raised her chin, and took a deep breath. “I will,” she said. “Ben has to stay in Pawnee.”</p><p>She was grabbing her car keys and rushing out in seconds. She didn't even hesitate.</p><p>All Leslie knew was that she needed Ben to stay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben was, in fact, a human disaster.</p><p>He sat in the back of his cab rocking back and forth, tearing his hair out, and thankfully the driver didn't ask him any probing questions. He was likely used to sad and pathetic drunks in his backseat. It came to Ben’s attention that he had lost his Miller Lite at some point along the way, and was lucky he still had his wallet and his keys on him, because he would need to make a quick escape as soon as he got back to the motel.</p><p>Ben’s phone wouldn't stop ringing. He didn't pick it up once, didn't even dare to check who was calling him on repeat. None of it would matter.</p><p>“Uh, you need to get that, son?” the driver asked after several long minutes of ringtone, but Ben shook his head, letting it continue to go off.</p><p>“No,” he said, his hands still in his hair. “I don't.”</p><p>It seemed like forever by the time they reached the Pawnee Super Suites Motel, and Ben practically tore the door open and ran up to his room. He didn't care if he was being irrational, if it was just the alcohol or the adrenaline from trying to fight Mark, if he was being incredibly dramatic and Ann was calling him now to tell him to calm the fuck down, Ben didn't care about any of that. All he knew was that he had to get out of Pawnee as fast as possible.</p><p>He ran around his motel shoving any random things of his into a backpack, not thinking clearly enough to prioritize or organize any of it. He was shoving clothing into a suitcase at random, pushing down folders and papers, ruining all his good suits, he didn't give a fuck about it. That was a problem for sober Ben. </p><p>He did take one moment to collapse to his floor and let himself cry for as long as he wanted, where he couldn't be ashamed, where he wouldn't feel the need to hide his emotion. Ben cried like a baby, completely bawled and heaved into his carpet, suddenly wishing more than anything that he wasn't drunk so that the world would stop spinning, the lights wouldn't be blurry and blinding him, any random sound wouldn't make him flinch. He was terrified of throwing up, he always had been, and just wanted it to STOP.</p><p>He wished he could crawl into bed. He wished he had someone to take care of him, anyone to really talk to that was just his friend, to tell him it would be okay and he didn't need to worry. Ann was great, but Ann was first and foremost Leslie's best friend. Chris has always been a constant, but never great at understanding, sometimes, the complexity of emotion. He would probably just suggest Ben drink a kale shake or go for a run or something, and frankly Chris’s never ending positivity was the last thing he wanted right then.</p><p>Maybe he wanted Leslie. He could imagine her, with her small hands on his back, helping him up off the floor and into bed. He pictured her brushing the hair out of his face and telling him to sleep. It was stupid, it was so stupid, why did he care this much? Ben was never supposed to get this attached to anybody in the towns he visited, that was always part of the job, it was how he avoided this kind of pain and heartache. He was so, so stupid for letting himself get wrapped up in this for so long, for spending so much time with the Parks Department and becoming friends with Leslie. It was bound to never work out. Ben was meant for a life on the road, never really growing attached to anything, never settling down, never getting to love a thing, because everything he touched he just destroyed.</p><p>And goddammit, he wasn't going to mope anymore. He pushed himself up off the motel carpet and wiped his tears away on his jacket, loosening his tie a little to allow himself to breathe. He groaned at the heavy feeling in his limbs, picking up his bags and his suitcase and walking outside to throw it in the backseat of his car.</p><p>“Shit, I'm too drunk to drive,” he whispered to himself, but he sat down in the driver's seat anyway, head to his steering wheel, ready to wait it out. “Why the fuck did I do this to myself?”</p><p>Ben closed his eyes, his shaking hands gripping the steering wheel as if his life depended on it, waiting to feel normal again so he could start driving out of Pawnee as soon as possible. His phone was left on the floor of his backseat, still ringing every couple minutes, and he still hadn't bothered to check. It had to be Ann chastising him for leaving, or even Chris, who had been at the dinner party and must be wondering what had come over Ben, or hell, even April to tell him to leave Pawnee quicker, that she hated him. That sounded like something she would say. Maybe it was Tom, telling him he was acting like a baby and he made a fool out of himself by challenging Mark. Hell, maybe Mark had even gotten his number somehow, and was calling just to laugh at how weak he was, to rub it in his face that he would never get to know what it's like to have Leslie as his own.</p><p>Ben didn't really have any more tears left to cry. He just sat there, shaking in the cold, the dark around him, his car not even on. His phone stopped ringing moments after, to be replaced with the sound of heels running on the pavement behind him.</p><p>Ben didn't hear it. Ben didn't even care.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie had never been more thankful in her life that she hadn't had anything to drink that night. She was able to put all of her energy and effort into throwing herself into her car and towards the Pawnee Super Suites Motel, driving fast and praying desperately that she would catch Ben in time before he started to leave.</p><p>It had been a mistake, what she did, all of it was. How angry she was at Ben, the way that she yelled at him, how she pushed him away. Leslie really did care for Ben, more than she would even admit to anyone, and telling him that day to never talk to her again… it broke her heart too. She had been convinced it was the only way to make Mark truly happy, which had been her goal for years. But something about tonight made her throw caution to the wind, and for the first time she felt like throwing all of that out the window. Right now, Ben was her priority.</p><p>He was stupidly drunk when he left Andy and April’s place, stumbling out the door and dropping his beer bottle on the patio outside. Leslie drove faster, imagining him in a cab, or even driving himself recklessly, all her fault. Again, all her fault, making him feel like he wasn't wanted, like he didn't belong, like he was better off anywhere but here in Pawnee. She made him think that, it was her fault.</p><p>Leslie was starting to not even recognize herself anymore.</p><p>She was beyond relieved to see Ben’s car parked outside the motel, and almost oddly terrified to see him sitting inside it, his head and his hands on his steering wheel. She pulled herself from her car and ran up to pavement to his, that noise not even enough to snap him from his reverie.</p><p>God, he looked like a mess. His hair was sticking up in all directions, his tie loose, his shirt untucked and his collar popped. From what she could see of his face, it was bright red, his hands clenched and shaking violently at the wheel. She almost wondered if he was asleep, but he was vibrating at too high a speed for that to be possible. Fearing she might scare him, but needing him to get up, she rapped on his window.</p><p>Ben jumped up, and Leslie tensed at his bloodshot eyes, making it too obvious that he had been crying. He stared at her through his window, as if he didn't quite believe what he was seeing, and then smacked himself. Leslie sighed. He seriously thought he was in a dream.</p><p>She rapped again at his window, with more force this time. “Ben, please get out, please,” she begged him, her voice sounding hoarse to her ears. “I really need to talk to you, I called you like, a hundred times.”</p><p>He choked. “That was you?” He scrambled to his backseat, where Leslie saw a suitcase packed, making her heart hurt. Ben fished out his phone and checked his notifications, his eyes widening at the name attached to every single call.</p><p>“Please come out,” she asked him again, hand pressed up against his window. “You can't leave.”</p><p>“Why not?” he asked, sounding much harsher than he had a moment ago. “Why do you care? You said you never wanted to speak to me again.”</p><p>“Ben—”</p><p>“I don't even know what you're doing here, Leslie.”</p><p>“Come out of the car and we’ll talk about it. Please.”</p><p>There must have been something in her voice that time, because Ben gave a deep sigh before finally pulling himself out of his car. He had no jacket on, he had to have been freezing. He stood in front of her, and it took everything in Leslie not to touch him then. It wouldn't do her any good.</p><p>“What do you want?” he asked her. “You can't tell me you never want to speak to me again and then come out to my motel and find me.”</p><p>Leslie's eyes welled up with tears. “Ben, I'm so sorry for everything I said. I didn't mean a single word of it.”</p><p>“Then why say it? Why hurt me like that? For fun? You never struck me as that kind of person.”</p><p>“I'm not,” she begged. “I'm not, I… it was a huge mistake, and I regretted every word as soon as I said it. I was so stupid, Ben, and I hate that I hurt you.”</p><p>He lifted his hands to his brow, a signature Ben Wyatt quirk he did when stressed out, Leslie noticed. “The damage is already done,” he whispered, and Leslie’s entire body felt the ache of his words. “You can't erase the hurt. Face it, Leslie, I'm better off leaving Pawnee where I can't… where I can't ruin everything anymore. You don't have to see my face again and you can go back to living how you were before and be happy. Once I'm sobered up I'm getting out of here.”</p><p>Leslie didn't know what compelled her to do it. Not even thinking about the consequences, she rushed forward and took both of Ben’s hands in hers, holding onto them as if her life depended on it. “I don't want you to leave Pawnee, Ben,” she said, loud and clear, not a hint of regret or uncertainty in her words. It forced Ben to look her in the eyes. “I'm not saying this to you because I feel bad, or because I'm sorry, even though I do feel bad, and I am sorry. I say that because all I want, right here and for the future, for you to stay in Pawnee.”</p><p>He hesitated, but didn't let go of her hands, didn't break eye contact. “But you said…”</p><p>“I don't care what I said before, all of that was bullshit that came from a side of me I don't even recognize. But what I'm saying now, I mean with everything in me. I want you to stay. Maybe it's selfish of me, but I don't care, I want you in my life. I'm just… not ready to let you go, Ben. I don't think our story is over yet.”</p><p>Those were the words that broke him, and his face twisted up, collapsing down to the pavement. It took all of Leslie’s strength to lift him, wrapping her arms around him, and she hoped to god he wasn't blackout enough to forget this entire conversation come morning.</p><p>His feet stumbled, and he gagged like he was going to throw up.</p><p>“Oh god, Ben, stay with me, okay? I'm going to get you inside.” She pulled his arms around her, tugging with all her strength to push him through the door, into his motel room, where he was still stirring, so out of it that she hardly recognized him. He fell onto his bed, and Leslie took care of him, pulling his shoes off and struggling to get his tie out from around his neck. He stared up at her, as if amazed, and all Leslie could do was stare back. She didn't think anyone had ever looked at her like that before.</p><p>She cupped Ben’s face in her hands. “Stay with me, Ben, okay? That's all I ask. Stay with me. Don't go.”</p><p>“Leslie…” he whispered, and the way he said her name made her heart burst, just soft, delicate, but with feeling and a tiny smile to accompany it, like her name was the sweetest word he had ever uttered. “Am not going anywhere.”</p><p>She could nearly cry with relief, and refrained from throwing her arms around him. “That's all I wanted, that's all I could ask for.”</p><p>Again, she prayed he would remember this in the morning.</p><p>Ben grabbed her wrist, his thumb rubbing along her skin. He was still looking at her in that same way, like she was the only person in the whole world that mattered. “Don't go,” he said, repeating her. “Don't go.”</p><p>Leslie froze, unsure of what exactly to say to that. Was he just repeating her in a drunken stupor, or did he really want her to stay? Did he mean in his life in general, or in his motel, tonight? Too many things were happening, and it was hard for her to think, and she waited, as if he would be able to give her any clarification at all in his state.</p><p>But in the time it took Leslie to figure out what to do, Ben had already fallen asleep. She sighed, tugged his blanket over him, and took a moment to watch him. He looked peaceful in his sleep. The stress faded away, leaving him looking soft, like he was only human, someone Leslie didn't need to be so hard on. He felt just as deeply as any of the rest of them did.</p><p>She left a note for him on his nightstand before she left to drive herself home, just in case.</p><p>'Stay with me, Wyatt, and I'll stay, too. Let's both keep our promises.’</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Here to wish a happy birthday to our Ben Wyatt: Adam Scott!!</p><p>Hopefully I'll be back to posting more often, I took about a week this time but more chapters to come!</p><p>Thank you for all your love and support, comments and kudos! Love you all!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben was, for once, surprisingly okay.</p><p>Him and Leslie slowly got on better terms. When they would pass each other in City Hall, it was always cause for a smile between the two, and even a pleasant conversation. Ben diverged some of his nerdier hobbies to her, like how many times he's seen the Star Wars series (twenty-four times, but who's counting?) and Leslie mentioned a snow globe museum she got kicked out of.</p><p>Once, they even found themselves eating lunch together after a particularly odd day involving a burger cook-off between Ron and Chris. Ben had suggested they eat in front of his favorite place in City Hall:</p><p>“Do you know that wildflower mural up on the second floor?” Ben had asked her.</p><p>Leslie's face lit up, and he knew he made the right choice.</p><p>Still, as they sat in front of that wildflower mural and ate their burgers, Ben had a hard time keeping his eyes off her. The longer he looked at Leslie Knope, the more his feelings for her grew, and the more it hurt his heart. She still had a boyfriend. A serious, City Planner boyfriend who could've shown up at any point and broken Ben in half.</p><p>“Mark doesn't like to come up here,” Leslie had told him, before he could even ask. “He thinks it's silly. He says it's just a painting, and he’d rather go to the actual wildflowers. But I don't care. I think it's pretty.”</p><p>Ben thought that was very sad. But at least it made the wildflower mural strictly Ben and Leslie's place.</p><p>And, in a strange twist of fate, with Ben choosing to stay in Pawnee by Leslie’s request, he ended up roommate to Andy and April, the newly married couple who wouldn't know responsibility if it hit them in the face. And, God, Ben wasn't even going to think about that painting Jerry did that Leslie ended up bringing over. That is to say, if Ben thought about it too much, he inevitably would start to wonder how accurate that painting was to Leslie’s actual body, and then his pants would feel far too tight on him and that was not a situation he wanted to be caught in public with.</p><p>But Leslie had a boyfriend.</p><p>Ben liked her so, so much, but she would never feel the same.</p><p>And that got a lot harder to take the more they talked. But still, talking to Leslie was his favorite thing to do. He could never give that up.</p><p>He was at an all time low lately in terms of self-pity when Tom passed along the invitation for Ben to come along to the Snakehole Lounge, where he would be introducing his new drink, SnakeJuice. Ben wasn't going to have any, he really wasn't. And then when Tom begged him, it was only going to be just one shot.</p><p>Ben took his first shot in front of the watchful eyes of Tom and his weird friend, Jean Ralphio Saperstein. It didn't taste bad, not at all, and maybe that’s what was so horribly dangerous about the drink, because the alcohol content in it hit Ben so suddenly he felt it in his chest like a punch.</p><p>He shook out his limbs and slammed the glass down. “Holy… what is in this?”</p><p>Tom rolled his eyes and clapped Ben on the back, which didn't help his jitters. “Alcohol, Ben. Obviously! Oooh, Leslie’s here, she's my favorite kind of drunk. Jean Ralphio! Let's get the lady like, four shots.”</p><p>Again, Ben only meant to have one shot. But then he saw Leslie walk in, and for a moment, she was all he saw. She looked beautiful, and she always looked powerful in red, and… there was a hand on her shoulder. She was attached very closely to Mark Brendanawics, despite the fact that neither of them looked particularly happy. In fact, as soon as Tom came over, Leslie took the opportunity to immediately pour some SnakeJuice down her throat.</p><p>Ben shifted in his seat and took another shot.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie and Mark hadn't been on the best of terms lately.</p><p>She had taken it upon herself to come home the night she put a sad, drunk Ben to bed and tell Mark about it all. Leslie was not a liar, and she wasn't about to hide this from her boyfriend, as much as her gut really, really wanted her to. And Mark, upset already about this, grew increasingly agitated everytime he noticed Leslie and Ben talking in City Hall. He made a point to look angrier than usual every time he found Ben in the Parks and Recreation department when he didn't have to be.</p><p>So when Leslie suggested she and Mark go out to the Snakehole Lounge for a night out, and he found out Ben was going to be there, he wasn't exactly thrilled that either of them were going. But still, Leslie had already promised Ann that they were going to dance their asses off that night and get drunk, and who was she to cancel on beautiful nurse Ann Perkins?</p><p>Mark, so much taller than her, surveyed the crowd easily and took only one shot next to Leslie’s two. “Do you see Ann?” she asked him eagerly. He shook his head.</p><p>“Not yet, but…” he frowned a little. More like a scowl, and his hand on Leslie’s shoulder tightened. “I see that State Auditor.”</p><p>Leslie sighed loudly. “I don't know why you insist on calling him that, you know his name. And he's not even a State Auditor anymore, he's Assistant City Manager.”</p><p>Mark stiffened. “You would know that.”</p><p>She was so annoyed by this comment that she detached herself from him to take another shot, and make a point of rolling her eyes. “Everyone knows that, Mark! It's public knowledge! You literally WORK in City Hall, don't act like you don't know that.”</p><p>“Jesus, Leslie, can you… maybe not do this here?” he asked her, and the way he chastised her made her settle down, just slightly. His hands connected to her again and slid down to her hips. “Let's just have a fun time. Why not, okay? Let's dance while you wait for Ann.”</p><p>Leslie had really wanted to take the time to go say hi to Ben, who was drinking alone by the bar, but the way Mark steered her hips proved that his offer wasn't really up for negotiation.</p><p>So she took another shot and forcefully pushed Ben out of her mind, ready to dance with Mark.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was maybe, possibly, just a tiny bit very drunk by the time the yelling started.</p><p>He had been watching Leslie all night, as if eager to torture himself, drinking more the longer she danced with Mark. And to make matters even worse, every so often Mark’s eyes would find their way over to Ben, drinking alone, as if he knew Ben’s heart like he wore it on his sleeve. And maybe he did. Maybe Ben deserved this punishment. After all, he did stay up every night wishing for an opportunity to break up a relationship between two people who lived together.</p><p>Who loved each other.</p><p>Or claimed that they love each other, as Ann would tell him when he was feeling particularly anxious. Ann, who still hadn't shown up, and Ben was beginning to get annoyed because he really, really needed to talk to her before he ended up trying to drunkenly fight Mark again. Because the yelling was getting louder, and Ben definitely heard his voice.</p><p>Leslie was tiny, but Ben was so used to seeking her out with his eyes that he spotted her instantly, her hair and wild mess and her arms flailing about wildly. She was drunk. So, so drunk, what the hell was even in SnakeJuice? One moment of clarity and Ben could see that no one, including himself, was in their right minds, and maybe that was why instead of shutting down in front of Mark, Leslie was yelling.</p><p>Leslie was yelling at Mark and it was such a beautiful noise, and Ben was so drunk that her words were muddled and he couldn't process what she was saying at all. He couldn't even snap out of his trance until a hand was on his arm and— oh thank God, Ann was here, and somehow already drunk too?</p><p>“Ann?” Ben blinked. “How long have you been here?”</p><p>She wobbled precariously on her heels. “A little… little bit. Hour. Maybe. What's happening?”</p><p>Ben could only point her in Leslie and Mark’s direction. “Yelling,” he added, very helpfully, he was sure. “She's very pretty.”</p><p>He wasn't sure where that came from (it was definitely the SnakeJuice), but Ann hit him over the head. “Stop thinking with your penis, Wyatt.”</p><p>Ben giggled at that. “My penis is thinking more than that.” Oh god, he was drunk, did he really just say that in front of Ann Perkins? Drunk Ben didn't even have the decency to look ashamed after the fact, and the next thing he knew he was on the floor because Ann had shoved him again, and his balance was so off he slipped from his chair. What was more, Ann had left him, weaving through the crowds, towards Leslie.</p><p>Leslie’s yelling got louder, and so did Mark’s.</p><p>“I don't understand what you're so jealous about!” screamed Leslie, the words finally getting through to Ben’s brain. He tried to narrow in his sight, but only saw a blur of pretty blonde hair and a tall, probably ugly dude that had to be Brendanawics.</p><p>“I'm not fucking jealous,” came a male voice, decidedly very much Mark. “I'm just protective, but you can't even see the difference.”</p><p>“No, you're being a baby! A big old big BABY, that's what you're being, Mark. A whiny baby who wants more attention from me.”</p><p>“Is it really so terrible of me to ask for attention from my girlfriend? I mean, Jesus, I love you, Leslie! But you're acting like a complete and total child. I feel like I'm babysitting.”</p><p>“You're the child! Look— no, Ann, get off me, let me say this, Ann— you're the jealous child, Mark! You get all butthurt about one guy, one coworker who isn't even into me and probably totally thinks I'm ugly—”</p><p>“Ben fucking Wyatt does not think you're ugly, do you even hear yourself? You're blind—”</p><p>Ben had been listening very closely, yet at the mention of his own name, suddenly there was very loud circus music in his ears. Oh, and his body felt numb, and he never picked himself up off the club floor. This was going very well. He kept replaying his own name in Mark’s voice over and over again in his head but for the life of him, he couldn't remember why his name was said, or any of the context. All their yelling words jumbled together and nothing was in order and nothing made sense and the club was spinning a little bit. Or maybe Ben was just spinning around in circles. There was no way of knowing.</p><p>“—I love you, Mark, I do! But god, could you please just trust me a little bit more?”</p><p>She loved Mark. Perhaps that made Ben want to cry a little bit. But instead he reached for another shot of SnakeJuice, against his better judgment.</p><p>“—I'm out of here. I'm going home,” Mark said, and Ben blinked. “Just… I'm leaving, Leslie. I need some space.”</p><p>Mark turned away from Leslie and stalked towards the door, his eyes meeting Ben’s as he passed. Ben was a little bit terrified and suddenly felt very short and too skinny for a guy. If Mark wanted to fight him, he was definitely going to die in the middle of the Snakehole Lounge and Tom was absolutely going to stream it on his phone and get a million views. At least his death would help Tom become famous, right?</p><p>That was the anxiety and the SnakeJuice talking, because all Mark did was keep walking and walk out the doors, not even sparing a second glance, leaving behind his very distressed and very drunk girlfriend. It was this thought that started to sober Ben up.</p><p>Clearly Leslie’s anger and adrenaline wasn't quite out yet, because next thing Ben knew was that she and Ann were the next to be yelling at each other, which was equally worrisome. Leslie and Ann were best friends, and now they were fighting? This time, however, he didn't catch the words, only the way Leslie’s face broke and her eyes watered and her hair got messier and she just kept shaking her head at Ann until finally she broke and ran— out to the back outside the Snakehole Lounge.</p><p>Ben’s feet immediately took him to follow her, but Ann’s hand on his shoulder stopped him.</p><p>“Let me go,” he hissed, feeling an overwhelming urge to protect Leslie, to calm her, stop her tears. “Let me go to her.”</p><p>Ann was crying, her mascara running down her cheeks. “I told her enough was enough, Ben. I told her to break up with Mark.”</p><p>That did stop Ben in his tracks. “You did… what?”</p><p>“I told her they had to break up! She thinks I don't understand, but I… I don't know, I think she might be hiding something from me. I think there's something more to this, Ben, but… just give her a moment.”</p><p>Ann slumped into a seat and threw her head into her hands. Ben could only sigh.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie sat on the concrete outside the Snakehole Lounge, unable to stop crying. She couldn't stop replaying her argument with Mark, and then Ann, in her head, all of it just hurt too much. And the fact Mark would just willingly leave her drunk in a club with no way home…  it left her feeling very defeated, and very alone. When Ann came along telling Leslie to break up with him, she was too fragile to handle it, her head spinning too fast to make any decisions except yelling. And now that happy drunk she had hoped to gain turned into a messy, crying drunk.</p><p>She wasn't sure how long she had been out there by the time the door behind her creaked open, and she hid her face in her hands. “If you're here to yell at me again, Ann, I'm not in the mood—”</p><p>“I'm not here to yell,” said a warm, calm toned voice. “And… I'm not Ann, either.”</p><p>Leslie spun around at his voice, and couldn't help but smile at the sight of Ben, standing behind her and looking awkward. She waved him over and he sat on the curb next to her, close enough that she could feel his warmth in the cool night air.</p><p>“Oh, hi,” she said to him, wiping her tears from her face in an effort to look more presentable. “Sorry about that.”</p><p>“Don't be.”</p><p>“And I'm sorry about tonight. I told you I would see you tonight and then I totally blew you off.”</p><p>Ben offered her a smile, and it was so soft and genuine that Leslie felt her heart skip a beat and a shiver run down her spine— odd. She'd never felt like that before. “You don't need to apologize to me,” he told her. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. There was lots of yelling, and, well… I was really worried about you.”</p><p>Ben was worried about her? For some reason she didn't expect this at all, and maybe part of her still thought Ben hated her after what she did to him, but he didn't, did he? Good Ben, Kind Ben, Perfect Ben who was way too good a friend for Leslie and she had no idea what she did to deserve someone like him in her life. He didn't have to comfort her at all, let alone be in her life after everything that happened, but there he was, sitting next to her outside a club, drunk and ready to talk. The thought was so overwhelming that she started to sob again, burying her face in her hands. Ben jumped, holding his palms up.</p><p>“Oh god, uh, I'm so sorry,” Ben stammered. “Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry, I—”</p><p>“I should've broken up with Mark.”</p><p>Her statement hung in the air between them, Ben frozen in time while Leslie continued to cry.</p><p>“I… what?”</p><p>She lifted her head up, just slightly, but still couldn't bring herself to look Ben in the eye. “I should've broken up with him tonight, when he left. I should have yesterday. I should have at Andy and April’s wedding. I should have a month ago. A year ago. When he kissed me for the first time, I should've said no.” The words were out before she could control them, the first time she'd ever admitted them out loud. Even inside her head, she’d only thought these things cautiously, when she was alone, as if someone could read her mind. But saying them now, to Ben, something about it felt real and right. There was something about Ben— where everything felt more vivid, more colorful, and she saw things sharper.</p><p>Ben sucked in a breath at her admission. “Why didn't you?”</p><p>She wanted to say it. She wanted so desperately to bare her very last secret to Ben Wyatt and open herself up to him. She wanted to become herself again, to feel free. She wanted to break up with Mark Brendanawics and she wanted to yell more.</p><p>But she couldn't say it. Not yet. Not so soon.</p><p>“I don't know,” she answered. “I've never known how. When I'm around him… I become someone I'm not. I feel like a little kid who wants to be the president someday and he's the adult who just nods and laughs because he knows that's not possible.” She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked at Ben. He was listening so intently, those warm brown eyes so wide and gentle. “I want to leave, but I just can't. I don't even know who I am anymore.”</p><p>Ben sighed, and inched closer to her. “Well, I do,” he said, and the shaking in his voice was gone. She raised a brow at him. “You can do anything you want to. Because you're Leslie freaking Knope.”</p><p>It wasn't much, in the long run, but to Leslie, it was everything. She broke into a genuine smile and everything that was hurting her seemed to melt away, because the only thing that mattered just then was Ben Wyatt and Leslie Knope. She curled closer to him, and he took that moment to wrap an arm around her shoulder, tugging her into his warmth. Her head fell onto his shoulder, and with the tiniest brush of a touch, he moved her hair from her face, wiping away a stray tear.</p><p>“Thank you,” she whispered, and she smiled against his chest. “You're my best friend.”</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the love! Any comments and kudos are appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A road trip.</p><p>A god damn road trip.</p><p>Just Ben and just Leslie, on a road trip to Indianapolis.</p><p>Ben didn't know whether he wanted to kill Chris for this or pull him into a hug, but he was leaning towards kill.</p><p>His feelings for Leslie had been reaching an all time high, but despite their very honest talk outside the Snakehole Lounge, Leslie still hadn't made any move to break up with Mark. If anything, she got closer to him, and Ben had witnessed the two sneaking kisses in City Hall on more than one occasion. Sure, as Assistant City Manager he had the power to call them out and tell them to get to work, but he couldn't. Ben was weak, and maybe Ben was terrified of Mark. Either way, there was absolutely no possibility for Ben to act on his feelings, and Leslie most certainly didn't feel the same way as him.</p><p>Ben was her best friend, she said so herself. Just friends. And boy, did Ben live to torture himself.</p><p>Not to mention Leslie seemed just as awkwardly put out by this road trip as Ben was, and there was no way it was for the same reasons. They had become closer, sure, and were absolutely becoming good friends, but a road trip alone together was kind of stretching what they were comfortable with so far. And oh god, what if Mark found out about it and thought Ben had something to do with it?</p><p>The car ride was awkward. As opposed to their lively, happy conversations in City Hall, they barely talked at all, and when they did it was like they had no idea what to say or do. There was an odd tension between them that Ben swore he could physically feel. </p><p>At one point he touched her. It was a mistake, really. But he was looking at her and she was looking at him and they were both smiling and his heart wouldn't stop pounding. And there was an eyelash on her face that Ben just… reached out to fix without even thinking about it.</p><p>“Make a wish,” he said, and for a moment, a brief but beautiful moment, she was smiling at him. Until she smacked his hand away and told him not to touch her.</p><p>“I'm allergic to fingers,” she insisted. </p><p>They didn't talk for the rest of the ride.</p><p>The presentation went well. Very well. Leslie beamed at Ben with pride as he talked up Pawnee, and he meant every word of it. Pawnee was not Ben’s hometown, he didn't have that same hometown loyalty as Leslie, but he had really come to love the town with all its flaws and quirks. By the time Ben and Leslie were sitting together at dinner, all that awkwardness from the car ride was gone, replaced with easy banter and shy smiles and laughs, and Ben wanted to say so much that he just couldn't.</p><p>He wanted to tell her more about the town. How he felt about Pawnee. He wanted to look at Leslie and tell her he looked forward to the moments in his day where he got to hang out with the town. He wanted to say the town had really nice blonde hair, and the town has read a shocking number of political biographies, which he liked. He wanted to tell her he liked her and he wanted to kiss her, feel her mouth and her body against his, breathe her in and get drunk off Leslie Knope.</p><p>Ben did none of those things.</p><p>In part because Ben Wyatt was a major, massive coward. But also because they had a surprise visitor in Indianapolis.</p><p>Mark Brendanawics was walking up to their dinner table.</p><p> </p><p>“Mark?” Leslie gasped, as her boyfriend slid his way over to their table, a satisfied little grin on his face. “Oh my god, what are you doing here?”</p><p>“I wanted to surprise you, babe,” he told her, spreading his arms wide. “Surprise!”</p><p>Leslie knew this wasn't just some ordinary surprise, Mark coming up here. When she had told him about the road trip she and Ben were assigned to go on, Mark hadn't been happy at all. He had shut down, scowling and refusing to look at her or talk about the subject at all. He completely gave her the cold shoulder and even fell asleep on the couch that night— and now here he was, all bright smiles and calling her babe as if nothing happened at all.</p><p>She wasn't happy to see Mark. He was her boyfriend, and maybe she should have been, but in that moment she just wished he wasn't there at all. There had been an odd feeling in her stomach about Ben all day, but just then she was having a great time with him, and she wanted nothing more than to keep that good feeling going. She knew it was over when she looked at Ben and saw the way his face fell.</p><p>“Oh,” Leslie said, feeling unable to form very many words to express how she felt. “You came all the way to Indianapolis to surprise me?”</p><p>Mark nodded and slid into the seat next to Leslie, wrapping his arm around her. “I did. I know you've had a tough time lately, babe, and I missed you so much and didn't want to spend a night away from you.”</p><p>“You're staying the night?” Leslie asked.</p><p>Ben cleared his throat. “Oh, actually, we were just thinking maybe… we would go back to Pawnee tonight.” They hadn't talked about that, but it was clear he wasn't eager to spend too much time with Mark.</p><p>“Nonsense!” Mark smiled. “We're all here and having a great time. I'll even pay for the meal and we can head out to the hotel. You good, babe?”</p><p>Truthfully, Leslie was angry. Angry that Mark would blow her off and then act way too sweet now, just to ambush her while she was in Indianapolis with Ben. Why did he care so much? Leslie knew Ben didn't think of her that way, and Leslie, well… Ben just wasn't her type. She'd totally never even thought about it before. Never, she would never.</p><p>Still, she didn't know how to say no to Mark. “Okay. Okay, let's go.”</p><p> </p><p>Leslie and Ben had rooms right next to each other at the hotel in Indianapolis. Mark had already gone in to Leslie’s to bring her stuff in, leaving her and Ben staring at each other in their doorways.</p><p>“I feel like I need to apologize,” she admitted in a low voice. Ben shook his head.</p><p>“No. I mean, what would you even apologize for?” he said, his lips twitching into a smile. “This must be great for you. I'm… really happy for you two.”</p><p>She sensed the lie in his tone. He wasn't happy, that much was obvious. “Ben—”</p><p>“Good night, Leslie,” he interrupted, before walking backwards into his room and shutting his door. Leslie sighed, and felt her anger burning hot once more. Not just at Mark, but at everything, at her whole life, this entire situation. Her hands curled into fists and she sighed deeply. Ben wanted her to be happy with Mark? Fine. Fine, she could do that.</p><p>She walked into her room where Mark was waiting for her on the bed. She locked the door behind her. “I'm mad at you,” she told him, striding right up to stand in front of him.</p><p>He quirked a brow. “Why's that?”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, her fingers moving to take handfuls of his shirt. “You ignored me for days after I told you about the trip. You wouldn't sleep in the same bed as me.”</p><p>Mark started to smirk, his fingers moving down to rest on her hips. “Mm, that upset you? I had no idea you wanted me in your bed so badly.”</p><p>“Maybe I do,” she whispered, but refused to stifle the anger in her voice. This was just as much to get back at Mark, and she had so much built up tension she had to get out one way or another. “You're a jerk.”</p><p>“You can do better than that if you want to rile me up.”</p><p>“You're an asshole.”</p><p>He laughed. “You just want me to fuck you, don't you? That's cute.”</p><p>“You're terrible,” she hissed, her nails digging into his skin. “You're terrible and you're mean and—”</p><p>Leslie’s insults were immediately cut off by Mark’s mouth, forcefully grabbing her face and kissing her. His hands slid into her hair and tugged, pulling her in further and further until she was on his lap. But Leslie wasn't going to roll over and let him do whatever he wanted, not this time. This time was going to be a battle.</p><p>She tore his shirt off and pushed him back onto the bed so she could properly straddle him, and for a moment, she thought she had the high ground as his hands wrapped around her hips. But it turned out that was just a strategy, as he used this to flip her around again and slide on top of her, reaching behind to unzip her dress, even if the skirt was already up at her waist by that point.</p><p>Leslie wanted to say more to upset him, to piss him off, call him out, but he kissed her so furiously that it was bruising, his hands on her body calloused and rough and very large, holding her tiny frame in a way that made her feel even smaller. She gasped when he touched her, sinking into the bed, and he grabbed a fistful of her hair to make her moan out loud.</p><p>He broke away just enough. “Do that again,” he demanded, pulling tighter on her hair, pushing into her with enough force to rock the bed against the wall. “Say my name.”</p><p>Leslie did as he asked. All she knew how to do was do as he asked.</p><p>Tonight Mark was fast and violent and very vocal, instructing Leslie to be the same. She was angry enough that it was easy, and she grew louder underneath Mark, the frame of the bed pushing against the wall once more. The wall that… was connected to Ben’s room.</p><p>Leslie knew exactly what Mark was doing.</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn't sleep well that night.</p><p>And maybe he was a little teary-eyed, but he would never admit to that. He cried too much, he had to get that under control before he ended up crying in front of Ron Swanson and getting an uncomfortable conversation about growing up.</p><p>But still, Ben gave himself a pass for crying that night. It was bad enough that his dinner with Leslie was ruined by stupid Mark Brendanawics, but now Leslie was currently screaming that name in the room right next to his, where the walls were too thin and he could hear every bang of the bed and every louder slap and the worst part was the moaning.</p><p>She was moaning for her boyfriend Mark and Ben hated to admit that he'd wondered before what she sounded like, in bed. He hated that he'd thought about it, how loud she might be if he was on top of her or if she was on top of him and he hated that he pictured it, because now he was kicked out of it entirely and the only thing he could picture was Leslie and Mark. </p><p>Mark was doing this on purpose. He had to be.</p><p>It went on a little too long. Both of them were vocal and Ben desperately wished to block them out, cradling up in his bed and pulling a pillow over his ears. All that did was muffle it. He tried to sleep, but his eyes stung and his thoughts kept him up, even well after they stopped and the room next door became silent.</p><p>So no, Ben did not sleep well that night. By the time he woke up, he was honestly unsure if he got more than an hour’s sleep at all.</p><p>He didn't want to wake up. He wanted to lie in bed for as long as possible and dream up a moment where last night didn't exist and was a nightmare, but he knew that wasn't true. Ben didn't know what he expected, that they weren't having sex? They slept in the same bed every night. Still, hearing it was a very different thing. Hearing it was a special kind of hell, and when the knocking came on his hotel door that morning, he knew it was Leslie and he just didn't know if he could face her again that morning, or for another several weeks, for that matter.</p><p>But the knocking wouldn't stop, and Ben couldn't avoid his problems forever. He threw open the door in only his pajama pants and a ratty tshirt, squinting at the person on the other side. Well, they were definitely too tall to be Leslie.</p><p>“Sleep well, Wyatt?” Mark asked him. He was here alone.</p><p>Ben sighed. He really didn't want to do this. “What do you want?”</p><p>“I'm here to remind you of something before you get a little too cocky. I know you're into Leslie.”</p><p>He swallowed hard. “I don't… I don't know what you're talking about, I don't…”</p><p>“Save the stuttering for television, Boy Mayor. I know you like her. But the thing is, you seem to forget your own job titles here.”</p><p>“What… what about them?” Ben wanted to slam the door and go hide in his bed more than anything, but Mark was still looking at him with fire in his eyes.</p><p>Mark leaned in closer to Ben, his hand resting on his door frame. “Even if I was out of the picture, Wyatt, you wouldn't stand a chance. You know why?”</p><p>Ben didn't answer.</p><p>“She's Deputy Director of the Parks Department. You're Assistant City Manager. You're her boss. And I think you know exactly how Chris Traeger feels about that kind of office relationship.”</p><p>Suddenly Ben felt faint, and the hotel lights were blurry. Was he passing out? It was getting a little dizzy. “Chris, he… he hates them. Number one rule.”</p><p>Mark grinned, incredibly satisfied. “Number one rule. There's absolutely no chance with her that wouldn't end in the two of you getting fired. But go ahead, keep trying after her. I'm sure Chris Traeger would love to hear all about you pursuing your inferior.”</p><p>Ben didn't respond, because he seemed to have lost the means to speak. Somehow, just somehow, that tidbit of information had completely slipped Ben’s brain, making him think the only obstacle in his way was a boyfriend. It turned out there was another one. And this one was arguably much bigger.</p><p>Even if Mark was out of the way and Leslie liked him back, it would be a scandal. They would both be fired and held in disgrace. It would be the end of their careers and both of them were just starting out, they had so many big plans. Ben could never do that to Leslie.</p><p>Mark pat Ben’s shoulder as if he were a friend, before walking away from his doorway. “You have a good day, man.”</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>About halfway through!<br/>Thank you all for your love and support, it absolutely means the world to me that you all enjoy this story. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leslie didn't think life could get any worse for her. She was still with Mark and completely lost on how to break up with him, Ben was being distant with her with no explanation as to why, work was picking up, and then the final shoe dropped, the last straw that broke her: Li’l Sebastian died.</p><p>Li’l Sebastian had become more than a mini horse to her. He was a symbol of the success of the Harvest Festival, something she did all on her own. Something she started with Ben, but even when he ditched her, she was strong enough to pick up the pieces and do it herself. That mini horse was a symbol that she could do things even when Mark didn't believe in her and Ben wasn't there to pick her up, and goddammit that was all she was thinking about as she cried in her office that day.</p><p>It was Ron that came to see her first. Well, he didn't come into her office, no, because Ron would never willingly walk into someone else's office to talk. His summons came with a very loud yell of, “KNOPE!” and Leslie knew better than to keep him waiting. She wiped her tears as best she could, smoothed out her clothing, and went to meet him. She didn't fool him. Leslie could never fool Ron.</p><p>“I hate that I'm about to ask you this,” Ron sighed, his mustache bristling, “but are you doing alright, Knope?”</p><p>Leslie plastered a bright, fake smile on her face and gave him two thumbs up. “Yup! So good!”</p><p>“Excellent. Get back to work, then—”</p><p>She instantly broke down into sobs, unable to hold the lie, and collapsed into the bench across from Ron’s desk. “NO. I'm not okay, thanks for asking, Ron.”</p><p>“Good lord, woman, pull yourself together,” he told her, and he clicked the remote on his desk to slam his office door shut. He didn't move to comfort her, but Leslie would never expect that of him. That wasn't the kind of help Ron offered, and Leslie appreciated him for his own unique abilities. “This isn't about some half-witted bureaucrat, is it? I saw the flag at half mast when I walked in this morning.”</p><p>Leslie had been the one to bring the flag down. After she heard the news, she did it as soon as she could, feeling that for the moment, it was the least she could do for Li’l Sebastian. “No, not anyone in City Hall,” she sniffled, and looked him directly in the eye to deliver the news. “Ron, Li’l Sebastian died. It was for him.”</p><p>Ron’s face instantly fell, something so rare for him that it just broke Leslie’s heart further, prompting another round of sobs. “Just half mast for Li’l Sebastian?” he asked her, his eyes wide and tinted with red already. “Show some damned respect.”</p><p>She couldn't stop crying, holding her face in her hands and already resigning to the fact that she would have to redo all her makeup before facing the rest of the department with the news. “It's just so… so awful, Ron, can you imagine anything more awful than this?”</p><p>Ron groaned, long and annoyed, before finally commenting again. “As heartbreaking as this death is, Leslie, I highly doubt that's the real reason you're sobbing like a lunatic in my office.”</p><p>“Maybe,” she sniffed, incapable of lying to Ron. “Can I ask you something?”</p><p>“I'd rather you didn't.”</p><p>“I'll make it as vague as possible.”</p><p>Ron didn't respond to this, so Leslie took that as an enthusiastic yes.</p><p>“Great,” she said, and got up from the bench to start pacing around his office. “I have a problem, Ron. A great, big problem that I've been avoiding thinking about and… running away from my responsibilities, but Li’l Sebastian died and it reminded me of all that, and… the one person I really want to talk to is avoiding me and the one person I probably should talk to is becoming someone I want to avoid. I'm losing my mind here, Ron!” Her voice grew more and more shrill as she went on, but to Ron’s credit, he let her talk, moving only to pour himself a glass of whiskey.</p><p>“I can't tell you what to do, Leslie,” Ron said. “Because that's never worked before. You do what you want no matter what I say.”</p><p>Leslie wanted to stomp her foot. “Gee, thanks, Ron, that's very helpful.”</p><p>“But I can tell you what the Leslie I know would do. The Leslie I know doesn't run from her responsibilities. If anything, she chases them. Whatever it is, you need to be honest with yourself, and honest with the people around you. If the person you should talk to is someone you don't want to talk to, well… that's significant.”</p><p>From the look in Ron’s eyes, it's clear he knew almost exactly what Leslie was talking about. He gave her a tiny smile, hidden underneath his mustache. “Now get some work done. We’re going to be planning the best memorial of all for Li’l Sebastian, so save your tears for him.”</p><p>Leslie nodded, smiling much more genuinely, before leaving Ron’s office. She would give herself a few minutes to get her tears out in her office, and then, she would move on. She would get up and get to work and not think about Mark or Ben or her capabilities or the truth. There was only one problem with that.</p><p>Ben was waiting in her office.</p><p>He frowned at her as she walked in, his eyes darting to her tear stained cheeks and her shaking hands. He rushed to her, not touching her, and wouldn't stop looking at her. “Is this because…” he trailed off, looking uncertain. “I got the news. About Li’l Sebastian. I wanted to check up on you because I know he meant so much to you—”</p><p>Leslie could have burst into tears all over again. “Oh god, you're so sweet,” she told him. “I'm okay. This is just… the product of a lot of things happening at once. I'm fragile right now.”</p><p>Ben shrugged. “That's okay. You're allowed to be fragile. You're so strong all the time, I mean… sometimes the strongest thing you can do is be fragile.”</p><p>This time she really did start to cry all over again, and she fell into Ben’s arms, her head on his chest like it was that night at the Snakehole Lounge. His arms were strong and warm as they circled around her shoulders, and somehow just his presence and the sound of his heartbeat into her ear made her feel better, safer. One of his hands tentatively reached up to stroke her hair, so soft, shushing her gently. She hugged his waist tighter.</p><p>“It's okay,” he whispered to her, his chin resting on top of her head. “You know what? We’re going to plan a super awesome memorial for Li’l Sebastian, and I'm going to help you with it. Every step of the way, I'll be there to help you. For real, this time.”</p><p>Her heart flooded with affection for Ben Wyatt, who, despite his best efforts to please her, didn't actually care about Li’l Sebastian or understand him at all. Leslie knew this about him, but here he was anyway, comforting her and running his fingers through her hair and promising his help for a mini horse he never even cared about.</p><p>All for her.</p><p>The thought came to her so suddenly that she almost felt sick. It was a terrible thought, in the corners of her brain that she wished she could push back, but it was just large enough that it infiltrated her entire mind, growing and growing until it was all she could think about. It was so jarring that she stopped crying entirely, and froze with her head on his chest.</p><p>Leslie liked Ben.</p><p>Not just as the best friend she told herself he was, but in a larger, more significant way. This feeling flooded into her like poison and she found herself thinking of him, sleepy and cuddly in the mornings, kissing her with morning breath, making breakfast together, laughing together in front of the wildflower mural in City Hall. She wondered what it would feel like to kiss Ben Wyatt.</p><p>She moved her head from his chest to meet his eyes, searching them. They were small and brown and so soft, so warm. No one had ever looked at her like that before, no one had ever made her feel so happy and cared for with just a single glance. For a brief moment, her eyes flickered to his lips. She bet they were soft. She bet he was a good kisser.</p><p>She gasped audibly with this realization and shoved Ben away from her, composing herself. She couldn't look him in the eyes again. Too dangerous. Oh god, she would have to talk to Ann about this as soon as possible, she was the only one she could trust.</p><p>Ben looked at her, clearly very lost. “Um, are… are you okay?”</p><p>She nodded, pushing him out her office door. “I'm great!” she choked. “Amazing! So, I have so much work to do, just like, super duper busy, but I'll call you! I will absolutely let you know about that memorial because it is one hundred percent happening. Bye Ben!” </p><p>She closed the door behind him and waited for him to go. He took a moment to, still looking confused, and for some reason, watching him walk away made her heart hurt.</p><p>He was barely gone when Leslie whipped out her phone and dialed Ann’s number.</p><p> </p><p>The Li’l Sebastian memorial was halfway over, and Ben was more confused than ever.</p><p>He'd spent this time in close contact with Leslie, following through on his promise to her, completely ignoring his promise to himself that he would back off. Mark’s words from that morning in Indianapolis still rattled around in his head, and every moment he spent with Leslie he found himself looking over his shoulder. Any sign of Mark terrified Ben. All Mark needed was some kind of proof that Ben was pursuing Leslie, and he could go to Chris with that and cause a problem. Whether or not Leslie reciprocated would be irrelevant by that point.</p><p>But the problem was, Leslie was reciprocating. And then she wasn't. And then she was again. Ben had felt something— though he wasn't sure what— between them when they hugged in her office that day, but moments later she was shoving him out her office like she couldn't stand to see him.</p><p>Working on this memorial with her, well… it was constantly hot and cold. They would laugh and do their handshake when things went right, and then she would refuse to talk to him for an hour. She would grab his arm and squeeze whenever she got stressed, and then she would shove him away from her as if she was burned. Her eyes could switch from full of admiration to complete coldness in seconds, and Ben was starting to spiral a little. His own confusing emotions surrounding the situation were bad enough, but now he had to worry whether Leslie wanted to hug him or slap him.</p><p>And then Mark came to the memorial. Late, but he came.</p><p>Ben spotted him with Leslie, actually. He didn't want to read into it too much for the sake of his own sanity, but their conversation seemed a little tense, slightly distant. He couldn't hear them, because Andy had gotten on stage and started to sing.</p><p>“Up in horsey heaven, here's the thing…”</p><p>Ben’s face fell when he saw Mark lean over and kiss Leslie’s cheek. She touched the spot on her face where his lips had been.</p><p>“...you traded your legs for angel’s wings…”</p><p>Leslie was smiling. It was light and barely there, but she was still smiling. Her cheeks were flushed and the adrenaline of running an entire event looked good on her. It suited her. She laughed at something Mark said to her.</p><p>“... and once we've all said goodbye…”</p><p>Ben couldn't take much more of this. Leslie had wrapped her arm around Mark’s waist and they swayed together to Andy’s singing. Ben’s heart beat faster and he turned away, feeling the familiar sensation of spiraling.</p><p>“... you take a running leap and you learn to fly…”</p><p>A hand grabbed Ben’s arm, and he nearly jumped out of his skin, just to see Ann looking at him with wide and worried eyes. “I know what you're doing.”</p><p>Ben blinked. “I'm… enjoying this music for a… lovely horse.”</p><p>Ann glared at him, just as Andy burst into a loud chorus ‘bye, bye Li’l Sebastian.’ “Don't play dumb, Wyatt. You're watching her.”</p><p>He shrugged. “So what if I am?”</p><p>There was something different in the look Ann gave him. Something almost hopeful, slightly happier. “Because you're just going to think too hard about it, I know you.”</p><p>She was completely right. “Oh. Apparently you do.”</p><p>“And I know you're just going to want to use this as an excuse to avoid Leslie more than ever. But listen to me, Ben, you can't do that. I need you to do the opposite.” Her arm was digging so deeply into Ben’s arm that he started to wonder if she was going to rip it off. “Operation: Save Leslie needs to be back on.”</p><p>Ben shook his head furiously. “No, no way, why would I? There's too much at stake, Ann, more than just a boyfriend. If this… if this somehow worked, I'm still her boss! I'd get her and me fired!”</p><p>Ann grabbed Ben by both his shoulders, lowering him so that they were at the same level. She was surprisingly strong for someone so small. “Ben Wyatt, don't you sit here and pretend like Leslie isn't worth that risk.”</p><p>He swallowed hard. He couldn't answer that.</p><p>Her eyes were wild. “You need to make a move, Ben. Before it gets too deep and you can't get back. She likes you, Ben, there's no better time than now.”</p><p>Ben only heard about four of those words, and his entire demeanor changed, his scared expression switching into something lighter. An involuntary grin snuck onto his lips. “When did she say…” he whispered, trying to remember how to speak. “Likes me…?”</p><p>Ann rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. “I feel like I'm talking to a sixteen year old boy about his crush. Just promise me you'll make your move? Before it's too late?”</p><p>Ben didn't register his own answer. “I… okay. But wait, did she—”</p><p>But Ann was already gone, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts and an entire crowd screaming “you’re five thousand candles in the wind.”</p><p>He couldn't help but overthink again. Making a move on Leslie would be a big risk. Huge, in more ways than one. Was he ready?</p><p>Was it worth it?</p><p>He didn't know the answer to that yet.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Again, thank you all for the love and support! This story has been getting a lot more attention lately and I can't thank you all enough for sticking through this slow burn with me. <br/>I love you all.&lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were certain situations, ideas about the future, that even Leslie Knope had a hard time dealing with. </p><p>Sometimes all she could do was sit in her office and stare at her phone. Usually, the answer would come to her easily. In any other world, she would say yes in a heartbeat, she wouldn't even have to think about it first. The moment they had come up to her at Li’l Sebastian’s funeral, she would have said yes, jumped at the opportunity, because that's what Leslie Knope liked to do— jump off cliffs and see where they take her.</p><p>But in this world, jumping off a cliff is harder to do when you have two people attached to your hands, pulling you back, trying to ground you and keep you in place. Could she still jump? Or would she be bringing them down with her?</p><p>If she chose to jump anyway, could she leave them up on the cliff and still feel okay about it?</p><p>She slept on these questions for too long, mulling them over in her sleep, trying to ignore what her heart was telling her to do. This is what she always dreamed of doing. This was the opportunity to advance her career, and there were people out there that truly and genuinely believed in her.</p><p>She imagined that, in doing this, she would still be giving up another version of her future. She would be giving up the image of kissing Ben Wyatt, and instead giving in to a lifetime of Mark Brendanawics. Mark was safe. There was no scandal in Mark, only the possibility of a ring and a home. </p><p>If she did this, she would be giving up the idea of Ben before she even got to have it. But then, she reasoned, maybe that was the best time to give it up, after all, before she got in too deep and found herself drowning.</p><p>And she knew what Ben would say. She didn't have to ask him to know. She could picture him there, his hands on her arm, his voice gentle, as if trying not to break. He would tell her to do it, to jump off that cliff, that he would support her. Leslie knew deep in her heart that Ben was always her biggest supporter, her biggest fan, and it occurred to her then that she didn't just start to like Ben Wyatt. She’d liked him all along, since the moment he brought Freddy Spaghetti to her for a concert that wasn't supposed to go on.</p><p>Ben was always making sacrifices for her. She wished she could make this one for him.</p><p>But this was all assuming Ben would even make this sacrifice for her. Assuming Ben cared enough about her to put his own career on the line, risk getting fired for her. She couldn't let him do that, even if he wanted to. Even if he offered.</p><p>No, there just wasn't room in either of their lives for a scandal. They were both important people with important jobs and they would move on because they had to. She would be strong and jump off the cliff because she wanted to save Ben, not kill him in the process.</p><p>Leslie took a deep breath and picked up the phone. </p><p>“Hello? William Barnes? Yes, I've thought about your offer. My answer is yes. I would love to run for City Council.”</p><p> </p><p>“It's over. It's all over. She's running for City fucking Council, Ann.”</p><p>Ben paced in the living room of Ann’s house, having driven over as soon as Leslie made her announcement. He was spiraling fast, in a very ending loop, and Ann was trying her best to calm him down. God, thank the lord for Ann Perkins, who now had to deal with the swing of emotions of both Leslie and Ben on different sides.</p><p>Ann sighed. “Do you want a drink? I think I have a beer in the—”</p><p>“Please,” Ben interrupted her. “I very much want a drink.”</p><p>She passed Ben a beer from the fridge while he continued to pace, thinking over and over again about what this move meant for him and Leslie. He had been so close, so close to finally saying screw it, and now this put a wrench in his plan. This completely erased everything in the Operation him and Ann were working for, but the worst part was he couldn't even blame Leslie for her decision.</p><p>Ann fell back into her couch and took a deep breath. “Okay Ben, I'm gonna need you to breathe. And tell me what you're feeling. SLOWLY.”</p><p>She was right to add the last part, because Ben had been about to spout off unintelligibly. Instead, he inhaled deeply and took a moment to pull open his beer and take a long drink. “Okay,” he said, testing the waters, “okay. How I'm feeling, um… Sad. I'm feeling very sad.”</p><p>“Why do you feel sad?”</p><p>“Because I think I'm being kind of a jerk about this. Because she deserves to run for City Council and I'm just upset because it means I can't kiss her.”</p><p>“And why can't you kiss her?”</p><p>Ben’s frustrations rose, but he forced it all back down. Deep breaths, deep breaths. “Because if I made a move on her now, it would be even riskier than before. Before, it was my job and her Parks job and a scary boyfriend. But now, if I made a move on her, it would be that scary boyfriend and my job on top of her election completely crashing down. It would be a major scandal, it would crush her career in politics, and I… I could never do that to her.”</p><p>Ann smiled softly at Ben as he continued to pace. “Just you saying that proves you care about her a whole lot.”</p><p>He felt the ridiculous urge to cry that he choked back. “I— God, yeah, I do. I care about her so much, I would do… anything for her.”</p><p>“So, you're torn between wanting to act on your feelings for her and backing down for her sake?”</p><p>“I mean— yes. Of course. I want to be with her more than anything, but listen… if I'm keeping Leslie from succeeding, from… from running the whole world one day, I don't want to be the one holding her back.” Ben froze in his pacing, his whole body shaking just slightly, his mind moving too quickly. Everything hurt. His heart felt like it was going to rip open and there would be no one there to pick up the pieces. “I can't be the one holding her back, Ann. When I say I would do anything for her, that includes backing off. Staying away from her.”</p><p>Ann frowned, looking sad. “Even if that's really not what she wants?”</p><p>It broke his heart to hear those words, knowing there was truth behind them. “Yes. Yes, even then.”</p><p>She didn't answer Ben for a long time. She stared at her hands in her lap, and Ben suddenly couldn't move, rooted to his spot on the carpet, wondering how long he would have to stand here before he collapsed. And then Ann stood up and gripped his shoulders, using that same strength she used at the Li’l Sebastian memorial. “Ben, I'm going to ask you something, and I'm going to need you to be a little selfish. Tell the truth. Think about you and you only, not Leslie, not her running for office, or your jobs, or her future. Can you do that for me?”</p><p>He swallowed hard. “I'll try.”</p><p>Ann looked him directly in the eye. “If you could be with Leslie… really be with her, right now, would you do it?”</p><p>Ben knew the answer immediately. “Yes,” he breathed.</p><p>“And you really, really like her? Care for her?”</p><p>“More than anything.”</p><p>“Then don't you think it's worth it? That she's worth it? All the risk, the fear, everything you would have to go through to be with her… if she wanted that same thing, isn't that worth it?”</p><p>Something clenched in his stomach, twisting and tightening. “I… yeah. Yeah, probably. You're right.”</p><p>Ann smacked his arm. “Then get your ass out there, Wyatt! Make your move! Test the waters, see how she reacts. You'll never know how you feel unless you try.”</p><p>She was right. She was always right. God, just then, he was beginning to understand why Leslie always insisted Ann Perkins was so great.</p><p>“I'll try. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Leslie announced her running for City Council officially in Ramsett Park, and the first person she saw was Ben, wearing a “Knope 2012” badge and clapping for her, pride etched in his features. Genuine, sincere pride that couldn't be faked. Her heart swelled with affection for him.</p><p>But she couldn't think about him just then.</p><p>After her announcement, she wandered the park to talk to people, and there were so many hands to shake and smiles to exchange. It was thrilling, and despite that nagging thought of Ben in the back of her head, she was having the time of her life. This, campaigning, running, its all she had ever wanted, and it was coming to life here and now because there were people out there who recognized the hard work she had put in. She felt like absolutely nothing could bring her down.</p><p>Mark walked in late.</p><p>He had come in towards the end of her announcement, looking frazzled. He was wearing a “Knope 2012” button, at the very least, but there wasn't the same happiness or pride there as was with Ben.</p><p>Leslie hated that now, she couldn't stop comparing Ben and Mark. It was hard not to. Everything Ben did for her was all she ever wanted out of Mark, and for the first time, she was starting to realize that Mark never really would do that for her. He would never be it for her. </p><p>He would have to be anyway. Mark would have to be the one she kisses goodnight, the one she would steal clothing off of, and exchange rings with. She would have to bear his children and they would grow old together and—</p><p>Oh god. She couldn't do this.</p><p>She spotted Mark then, and what was worse, he was talking to the reporter Shauna Malwae-Tweep. The same reporter he slept with over a year ago, just before him and Leslie got together. It made her mad then, and it made her mad now. She moved a little closer to try and catch a snippet of their conversation.</p><p>“So how do you feel about your girlfriend running for City Council, Mark?” Shauna asked him, her paper and pen in hand.</p><p>Mark shrugged, looking noncommittal. “I mean, she's happy, it's all great, I guess.”</p><p>“You guess?”</p><p>“She'll be around less. Sucks when she gets busy, it's like she stops making time for me.” Mark sighed, and gave Shauna an odd look. “Honestly, between you and me, I don't get any of this. It's all just for show, there's no way it's going to last.”</p><p>Shauna tilted her head, moving her pen to paper. “What do you mean by that?”</p><p>“I mean, Leslie’s all happy and excited now, but that won't last. I'm honestly not sure she has what it takes to run for City Council. She's great and I love her, I do, but Leslie’s like… a lost puppy sometimes. She gets over-eager and overexcited and I just want to get her back on the right track.” Mark paused, and stared as he noticed Shauna writing in her notepad. “Wait, this is all off the record, isn't it?”</p><p>That was all Leslie needed to hear. She pushed through the crowds of people and away from Mark and Shauna, ignoring people yelling her name and trying to get quotes. She ran out of the park and didn't stop until she found her car in the parking lot, heaving against and trying to get a proper breath. The world was spinning and when she heard footsteps, for a second she thought it was Mark.</p><p>But the light hands that touched her shoulders didn't belong to Mark— they were all Ben. And she instantly fell into him, pressing against his chest and sobbing into his shirt. He didn't say anything at first, just held her and rubbed her arms, soothing her softly in a way only Ben Wyatt could. He was warm, and the two of them fit so perfectly together that for a moment it felt like they were made for each other. She was never meant to be held by anyone else.</p><p>He tilted her chin up when she started to calm down, wiping her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he whispered, asking her permission. And in that moment, Leslie took another leap. This jump was just a little bit more foolish, but Ben made her want to say screw it more than anything.</p><p>“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell anyone else?” she asked him.</p><p>He nodded immediately. “You have my word. You can tell me anything.”</p><p>She took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to let go of the words. She’d been holding it in for over a year now, since the night it happened, something she still thought about before she fell asleep, something she still hadn't even told her best friend Ann. Her own terrible, stupid little secret that was driving her crazy. “There's another reason why I haven't broken up with Mark yet.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes widened, as if immediately understanding, and his eyes darted to her stomach. “Good lord, you're not—”</p><p>“No!” she exclaimed, hitting him lightly. “God no! This goes back way further than that. The night Mark kissed me on the bench next to the pit. Have I ever told you that story?”</p><p>He shook his head. “Only that it happened.”</p><p>She gripped his arm for support, and he held her tight. “Something else happened that night. Something that… that kind of started all of this.”</p><p>***</p><p>Leslie knew she should say no. She had every intention of holding her ground, of telling him to go home and then forget this ever happened, because she and Mark should have just been friends. There was no place for a relationship between the two of them, not now. Maybe not ever. He wasn’t great with commitment anyway. Leslie would just end up feeling insecure whenever a girl like Shauna Malwae-Tweep would come around.</p><p>The words were on the tip of her tongue, and he was standing up, and it was perfect timing. No, no no. No, I can’t kiss you. No, I can’t be with you. No, go home. It can’t be that hard to say no.</p><p>But then there was one drunken misstep. But not Mark’s. It was Leslie. Leslie's own drunken misstep, pushing at Mark’s chest as if that would solve any of her problems, not realizing just how close the pit really was. Leslie pushed at his chest in a terrible effort to say no, took one step too far, and then Mark was gone. Tumbling down the pit, and he didn't have a hardhat to protect him from the rocks. Leslie screamed, and everything was a blur, and suddenly Ann was there. Ann, who told her Mark suffered a concussion. Ann, who told Leslie that Mark was lucky his head hadn't split open. Ann, who thought Mark was too drunk and that's why he tripped. Not even Mark knew the full story, too dizzy from his concussion and the alcohol to remember the details.</p><p>It was all Leslie’s fault. How could she possibly say no now?</p><p>***</p><p>By the time Leslie finished her story, Ben was gaping, his shaky hand over his mouth. “So, let me get this straight… you decided to date Mark because you were scared you nearly killed him? And now you're trying to, to… atone, or something?”</p><p>Leslie sniffed, wiping away the remains of her tears. “It sounds very dramatic when you say it like that, but yes.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” he said, panicky at first. But then again, “oh my god,” he whispered, softening, and his complete attention moved back to her. His arms were still around her and their bodies were still pressed together and she enjoyed the way he felt against her. “Leslie,” he said, her name soft in his mouth. “That's… that's not a good foundation to build a relationship on. Oh god, because you feel guilty? Like you owe this to him, to the universe? You deserve so much better than this.”</p><p>Somewhere deep inside her, she knew this. Maybe she even knew it for a long time. But she liked hearing Ben say it. Maybe it was those words that gave her the confidence for her next. “Do I deserve something like… you?”</p><p>Ben’s breath caught in his throat, and he didn't answer at first, as if worried he hadn't heard her correctly. “I… Leslie, you deserve even better than me. Better than anyone.”</p><p>Her breath was shaky coming out, and she realized just how close the two of them were standing. She saw every emotion in his eyes. “I'm not sure there is anyone better than you,” she told him.</p><p>He leaned in closer to her, as if pulled forward by some magnetic force, and for a moment, Leslie was utterly terrified at the possibility. She told herself this wasn't going to happen. She told herself that she wouldn't fall for Ben, she wouldn't kiss Ben, she would leave it all alone so she could move on and avoid a scandal and run for office and—</p><p>His lips looked very soft. She could feel his breath hot on her skin. His hands held her tighter and pulled her closer and then their foreheads touched, unable to stop looking at the other. There was a beat, a hint of fear, before Ben started to close the distance…</p><p>Leslie’s phone rang, and the two of them sprang away from each other as if they had been burned, before their lips could even touch. Both were breathing heavy with imagined possibility and alternate universes where they could be together, and oh god, what was she thinking? She fumbled for her phone and saw Mark’s name.</p><p>“I'm sorry,” she told Ben, and she meant that more than anything. “I… I'm so sorry.”</p><p>And then she ran off again, back towards Ramsett Park to take the phone call from Mark. Her heart ached, but in the end, maybe it was for the best. Ben loved his job, Leslie was running for office, they would just have to make it work without each other.</p><p>Maybe it just really wasn't meant to be after all.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love you guys so much and you absolutely keep me going during quarantine. Writing this has been so much fun and I love all the positive responses (and the yelling at me for slow burn angst LOL). (Not that the angst will end any time soon.)</p><p>All comments and kudos are appreciated! I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leslie woke up at five in the morning to probably the worst news in the history of the whole world. Nothing could top it, she was sure of that. And she was seething mad.</p><p>Shauna Malwae-Tweep’s article had been released, and it wasn't the praise over her campaign that she had been expecting. Instead, it was a skeptical piece, with the main source being none other than Leslie’s good-for-nothing boyfriend, Mark Brendanawics.</p><p>There were direct quotes from Mark detailing how unsure he was about his girlfriend running for City Council, how he didn't think it was good for her, how he didn't know if she could win or not. Leslie already knew some of these quotes, and even knew deep down that Mark didn't at all believe in her, but it was something else entirely to see it written on paper, with his and her name attached, for the whole world to see. The one person that was supposed to believe in her no matter what— just didn't believe in her.</p><p>The last words of the article were hard to read through tears blurring her vision, and she threw the paper down to wake Mark up immediately. He had slept on the couch last night, so it wasn't hard to get to him. She shoved at his chest and he immediately blinked his eyes open.</p><p>“Leslie?” he mumbled, groggy through sleep. She shoved at him again. “What the hell are you doing, is there a fire?”</p><p>“You're an asshole,” she hissed, her body shaking with rage. “You're a complete dick and you never know when to shut up do you?”</p><p>“What are you talking about?”</p><p>Leslie picked up the paper and threw it in his face, not even giving him a moment to really read it before she was off again. “You did this! You said those things to Shauna and she printed them and this is that thing with the pit all over again except this time is so, so much worse—”</p><p>Mark widened his eyes, sitting up on the couch and letting his blanket fall off him. “Woah, woah, slow down. I said this stuff to Shauna in private, it was supposed to be off the record!”</p><p>“Well IT WAS NOT, Mark, do you really need to have this lesson again?” Leslie was seething and seeing red, blurry colors through tears coming furiously. “You can't fix this one so easily! Not unless you're going to sleep with her again!”</p><p>Mark sighed. “You know I would never—”</p><p>“DO I KNOW THAT? Really, Mark, do I? You say these things about me behind my back, what else could you be hiding? How am I supposed to trust you anymore?”</p><p>It was those words, combined with Leslie’s yelling, that seemed to compel Mark to get on her level. He stood up, his brows furrowing in anger, one hand pointing at the paper and the other with a finger in her face. “Don't you dare pin this on me!” he yelled, his voice overpowering her. “And don't you yell at me like that! I didn't fucking know she was going to put that stuff in the paper, so if you want someone to blame, blame Shauna.”</p><p>Leslie’s hands curled into fists. “You still said all those things Mark! Just because you didn't know she would post them, that doesn't erase that you actually said it.”</p><p>He threw his hands in the air. “So what if I did! Maybe I fucking meant it, Leslie, maybe I don't want you to do this because I'm gonna miss you and my whole life lately has been going to bed alone while you stay up late working, getting your voicemail because you're working, eating dinner alone because you're WORKING. It's like you're avoiding me, or there's no room in your life for me, and maybe I said that stuff to Shauna because I just wanted my girlfriend back.”</p><p>Leslie was fully crying, silently down her cheeks, her face red and hair still not brushed down from bed. It took a lot of effort to gasp for breath and every word Mark spoke stabbed her in the chest and made her want to shrink, or run away, or just fall asleep and not wake up, she felt so small. She was small next to him and her voice was weak and she had no power. “You don't get to say that,” she whispered after a beat, her voice trembling. “We’ve been together for two years now. I've known you for even longer. You wanted to date Leslie Knope and dating Leslie Knope means working late, and ridiculous amounts of ambition, and not resenting me when I don't stay in bed because I don't sleep well. It means campaigns and parks and supporting me after public forums. It means being there for me and actually believing in me when I want to do things, go places, make a change in the world. This is what I love to do. It's been my dream. If you can't see that, then… who did you even think you were dating, Mark?”</p><p>Mark was looking her directly in the eye, but it still felt like he couldn't see her. He was distant, and he felt so far away in that moment that her heart seized up with possibilities, and she was scared. Had she gone too far? Was she the wrong one in this argument? </p><p>“I'm going to get ready for work,” Mark said, oddly calm. “We don't have to ride together today, I'll take my truck. We won't talk to each other at work today. We’re going to think about this and mull it over and come back to it at home. Okay?”</p><p>Her chest felt tight. “Okay.”</p><p>They did as promised, Leslie getting ready and arriving on her own at City Hall much earlier than he did. She strode into the Parks department and ignored everyone's gaze— she was always too easy. People could see through her instantly. And when Leslie Knope was feeling down, so did the whole department.</p><p>Nobody tried to talk to her, which she kind of appreciated. Normally she would love to talk, but not about this. They didn't need to ask anyway, everything they needed to know was in today's paper. At one point April brought her a mocha with extra whipped cream and she nearly cried and tried to hug her, but April ran out the door before either of them could really get a word out. And Tom did her the “lovely service” of leaving the office to her today as he was out doing… whatever it was that Tom did in his spare time.</p><p>She and Mark didn't talk that day, or visit each other’s offices like they'd planned, but if they were both honest, that wasn't exactly out of the norm. What was worse for Leslie— today was a slow day at work. There wasn't much for her to do, leaving her to her thoughts and the guilt slowly eating at her.</p><p>Mark shouldn't have said those things about her to Shauna, she knew this objectively. But Leslie was not innocent, she was not blameless in their relationship. She knew objectively that it was very wrong for someone in a relationship to have feelings for someone else. It was horrifically wrong to imagine kissing someone else while kissing your boyfriend. It was the absolute worst to picture someone else’s hands and someone else's face while having sex with your boyfriend. Maybe she was evil for wondering what Ben was like in bed, if he was strong or gentle, vocal or silent, rough or sweet. She would never ever admit in a million years that the only way she got off during sex with Mark was imagining that his hands were Ben’s. Nope, absolutely nobody needed to know that at all.</p><p>It was all getting to be too much, and she had no idea what to do. She didn't know how to break up with Mark but she didn't want to be with him. She wanted to be with Ben but she couldn't without a scandal and putting both their entire lives at risk. She almost kissed Ben the day she announced her campaign. He was so close. He had been seconds from kissing her and the worst part was, she would have let him. </p><p>Leslie didn't know who she was anymore. There was only one person who really seemed to understand her at all and could get through to her. She knew it was dangerous, but she was sad and she was breaking and… she just needed to see his face. </p><p>That's all she would do. Pop in and say hello and go back to work. That was all that could ever be allowed.</p><p> </p><p>Ben couldn't stop replaying that night in his head.</p><p>It was stupid, he knew, such a minuscule thing to obsess over, but for some reason his and Leslie’s near-kiss only served to boost his confidence more than kill it. It was a miracle, truly, so much so that he even called Ann to tell her. Which was weird, but Ben liked Ann, and screw it, maybe he wanted Ann to be his best friend too. Maybe he was beginning to understand the appeal to friends you could tell literally anything to.</p><p>So, he couldn't stop thinking about how it felt to hold her. The exact shade of blue of her eyes. How she leaned in too and how Ben knew, then and there, that Leslie wanted to kiss him. They both hesitated, but the feelings were there and impossible to ignore and they came out so fast that there was no shoving them back in now.</p><p>It wasn't until Chris came in and passed him the morning paper that he started to think about something else.</p><p>“Awful stuff,” Chris said, shaking his head. “It just makes me… so sad.”</p><p>Ben scanned the paper and his heart fell, but even more so, he was furious. He felt very grateful that the City Planner’s Office was nowhere near his because otherwise he might have ended up punching Mark. Which… would only end with Mark being okay and Ben with a broken hand. “Good lord…” Ben whispered. “I mean, god, how could he… when we came here as Auditors, why didn't we fire Brendanawics again?”</p><p>Chris pursed his lips together. “His job as City Planner was… and is, essential.” Chris took a deep breath and started to jump up and down. “All this negativity, Ben! So awful. I need to get this out of my system so I am going to go do a nice 10k. See you later Ben!”</p><p>All thoughts of nearly kissing Leslie had completely left Ben’s mind because now, he could only think of defending Leslie's honor. He had half a mind to call up this Shauna Malwae-Tweep himself and give her an earful about what's okay to put on paper, but he didn't. He shouldn't. Mark was definitely more at fault anyway. He was so heated and so full of energy himself that near the end of the work day, he stood up to go see Leslie, just to innocently check up on her, make sure she was alright. Just innocently.</p><p>But as Ben was coming out the office door, Leslie was already walking in. They stopped to stare at each other, and for a moment, it was awkward.</p><p>She didn't look like she was doing so great. She looked tired, worn down, bags under her eyes as if she hardly slept, even worse than usual. He noticed her shaking slightly and he wanted to hold her, but he held himself back.</p><p>“Ben,” she breathed, a gasp more than anything else. “I was just coming to see you.”</p><p>He couldn't help but smile, it was so easy to around her. “That's funny, because I was just coming to see you.”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, so soft, and neither would look away from each other. Their eyes were locked and it was impossible to break it.</p><p>It took Ben a long time to answer, too immersed in staring at her. “I, uh— I read that article. It was awful. If you wanted to talk about that, I'm here for you.”</p><p>She smiled sadly and took one tiny step closer to him. It was only then that he noticed she actually held a copy of the article in her hands, holding so tightly to it that it was ripping at the edges. “I don't think I'd know where to start,” she said. “I've been holding onto it all day. I can't look away and I… I don't know what to do, Ben.”</p><p>“What is it that you want to do?”</p><p>He saw the way she tensed when he asked it. “I can't… do what I really want to do. There are rules, and… stuff.”</p><p>Ben’s hands started to tremble. She looked so beautiful, even now, with no sleep and filled with heartache. “Rules are the only thing stopping you?”</p><p>“Yes,” she gasped. “I've just been… so sick of all these rules lately—”</p><p>“Me too.” There were still a couple steps between them. Too many. “I usually like to stick to the rules, too, but…” </p><p>There was silence. But it wasn't awkward, like it should have been. There was an odd energy between them, and again they couldn't stop looking at each other, and Ben forgot where they were and that anybody else existed except for Leslie Knope. Even then, he had to stare hard at her to remind himself that she was real. She was real, and she was beautiful, and she burned brighter than anything, even the sun. She burned so bright that in order to survive, most people had to avert their eyes, because if they stared too long they would just get burned. Ben guessed that made him something of a masochist— he wanted to stare at her until he physically couldn't, just to test his limits, to see how far he could make it before he crashed and burned.</p><p>His next words came out fast, hushed. “Is Mark around?”</p><p>“No,” she answered immediately. “Is Chris around?”</p><p>Ben didn't answer her with words. He rushed forward and pulled the article from her trembling fingers, threw it aside, and took her face in his hands, pressing his lips to hers. She gasped when he kissed her, and took a moment to respond, as if he had actually shocked her enough to freeze her. He only pulled back gently, for only a second, because Leslie’s grip tightened on Ben’s arms and she kissed him back, harder and with more passion, opening her mouth to grant him entrance. Ben’s brain went numb, completely fuzzy, his hand sliding around to cup the back of her neck, feeling how soft her bright hair was between his fingers. </p><p>They kissed in the doorway to his office in City Hall and they kissed without a care in the world, so lost in each other that the idea of anyone else even existing seemed ridiculous. It was then, in that moment, that Ben realized this was the point of no return. Before he kissed her, there were only images and dreams and possibilities. But now there was the real thing, and that would not be so easily shaken. Ben could see himself kissing Leslie Knope for the rest of his life.</p><p>They pulled away breathlessly, and Leslie's eyes met his. From her whisper, it was evident she was thinking the exact same thing he was.</p><p>“Uh oh.”</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter gets a little bit explicit, so you have been warned.</p><p>All comments and kudos appreciated!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All it took was a kiss, and Leslie was addicted to the taste of Ben. They had pulled away, but God, she didn't want to, and she didn't let go of his arms.</p><p>Ben seemed to be thinking the same thing, because seconds later he was pulling her into his office and shutting the door, slamming his lips back against hers. They walked backwards until they hit his desk, almost completely tripping over it, but not once did they break the kiss, not even for air.</p><p>“Ben,” she gasped at some point in between kisses. “Ben.” He took the opportunity to move his lips elsewhere, kissing down her jaw to her neck. Her whole body shivered in reaction to this, her nails digging into his shoulders. “Ben, we should… do you want to get out of here?”</p><p>“Yes.” He answered immediately, pulling her impossibly closer to him. “Yes. God, yes. Um, where to?”</p><p>Leslie couldn't help but laugh at his current inability to think straight. “My place isn't exactly empty, Ben.”</p><p>He sucked in a breath. “Right. Right, well, I live with Andy and April, but if they find out they can totally keep a secret.”</p><p>She pursued her lips, thinking of every interaction she's had with Andy and April, and seriously doubting Ben’s statement. “Are you sure?”</p><p>“I'll kill them if they don't.” Ben gripped her face in his hands when she still seemed skeptical, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs. “Trust me, Leslie. They won't say anything. And… we’ll be quiet.”</p><p>She snorted a laugh. “Easy for you to say.” Leslie reveled in the face Ben made at this, before pulling away slightly to pull out her phone. If she was going to do this, she needed to make sure she had the time for it. So, she texted Mark.</p><p>‘I want to talk about this with you, I do, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I'm going to be spending the night at Ann’s. See you tomorrow morning.’ That sounded solid, not at all like a lie. She hit send, and for an extra safety measure, pulled up Ann’s name to text her too.</p><p>‘ANN!!!!! If Mark asks you anything, I'm staying at your house tonight. I'll tell you everything tomorrow and I love you and you're beautiful.’</p><p>Ann texted back immediately, almost impossibly quickly, in all caps: ‘TELL ME NOW’ but Leslie didn't have the time. She hated to leave Ann waiting, but there was a very sexy man in front of her who wanted to take her home and there was absolutely no way she could resist that butt of his. She shoved her phone back in her pocket and lunged for Ben again.</p><p>He laughed and kissed her once, lingering longer than they should have. “You have the night?”</p><p>She nodded. “For one whole night, I'm all yours.”</p><p>“Thank god,” he said, kissing her again for good measure. “Now is the hard part. Getting in separate cars and driving to my house.”</p><p>A wicked look creeped onto Leslie’s face. “Oh? Well… last one there is a rotten egg!” she yelled, and she shoved him aside and ran out the door, Ben sprinting and laughing behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Andy and April were home. And they were in the living room when Leslie and Ben walked in.</p><p>April’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, while Andy just looked ecstatic, smiling bright. “Woah, hey Leslie! Super cool that you're here, you want some cake?”</p><p>Ben sighed. “You're eating cake for dinner?”</p><p>Andy scoffed. “Obviously, BEN. What else would I eat for dinner?”</p><p>“Oh, I dunno, one of the many cans of turkey chili you have—”</p><p>“HAH, that's funny, Ben,” Andy laughed. “That's a good joke. Everyone knows turkey chili is for breakfast.”</p><p>“What are you doing here, Leslie?” April cut in, still giving her that odd look. “You're not gonna make us do work, are you?”</p><p>Leslie exchanged a (hopefully) very subtle glance with Ben, and the distance between them was still unbearable. She would've jumped him the minute they opened the door if Andy and April hadn't been sitting there. “Uhhh, no, actually,” Leslie started, trying to come up with a lie very quickly. “Um, just work with Ben. We have this project, you see—”</p><p>“Pretty big project,” Ben nodded along.</p><p>“Super secret right now, can't tell anyone—”</p><p>“And we had so much to do at work today that we decided to work late, I invited her here—”</p><p>“Which was so nice of him, right! So nice of Ben. We can get so much work done. Just… just tons and tons of… work.”</p><p>Leslie and Ben smiled as Andy and April continued to stare at them.</p><p>“Okay!” Andy exclaimed.</p><p>“Whatever,” April muttered.</p><p>Ben cleared his throat. “So… Leslie and I are just going to be quietly working in my room. Don't bother us, we’re very busy. Great? Great.”</p><p>Thank god it was a Friday, Leslie thought, as she followed Ben into his bedroom, avoiding looking back at Andy and April. She was so wired and so ready to completely jump Ben that she felt for the first time she might need the day off in the morning. Maybe. At least a half day. Either way, Ben had only just shut his bedroom door before he was pushing Leslie against it, giving her no time to even look around his room. He was wasting no time. She couldn't blame him.</p><p>Ben pressed his body and his lips against hers, and thank god the door didn't creak against the pressure, because neither of them were feeling particularly gentle that night. Ben, more than ever, and Leslie melted against him, and the way he very decidedly took control just then.</p><p>“I have an idea,” he whispered into her ear, his teeth brushing her earlobe. “But you have to be very quiet. Can you do that?”</p><p>Her breathing was already coming out shaky, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers slipping into his hair like she's always wanted to. “Challenge accepted,” she told him, right as his lips captured hers again. His fingers gripped her hips, pressing her against his bedroom door, both of them silently deciding there was no time to move to the bed, no time yet to even remove clothes. There was only one night, right now. One night, after so many months of pining and tension and heartache, and it was all coming together just then with tangled limbs and Ben’s teeth latching on her collarbone.</p><p>“Tell me if I'm going too fast,” Ben told her, his hands massaging her hips. “And tell me if you want me to stop.”</p><p>She nodded, but couldn't imagine not liking anything Ben would do to her. Just the idea… it sent a shiver down her spine, especially as one of Ben’s hands trailed to the waistband of her pants. She could barely wait, it was torture, and they were moving so fast, so why did it feel so slow?</p><p>As if to give him permission, she grabbed one of Ben’s hands and placed it on her stomach underneath her breast. He noticed the signal immediately and his palm cupped her breast over her blouse, squeezing just enough to make Leslie gasp. The hand at her waistband flew up to press a finger to her lips. </p><p>“Shhh,” Ben instructed her. “Thin walls.” It was dangerous, so dangerous, but for some reason that seemed to turn them both on, smirking at each other as if the real life danger only added to the entire situation. Leslie nodded her head, and Ben dipped his hand back down again, unbuttoning her pants and sliding his palm down.</p><p>He moved just slowly enough to tease Leslie, his fingers so soft as they trailed carefully down. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and then his hand slipped into her underwear, rubbing her decisively. He had barely touched her, and it was already hard to keep her gasps contained, just simply reveling in the fact that it was Ben touching her, like she’d been imagining, something she thought she would never get to experience. She wondered if she would regret it in the morning, or when she wasn't quite so horny.</p><p>Those thoughts, however, were very quickly shoved out of her brain as Ben slipped a finger inside her, and then two not long after that. The action pushed an involuntary groan past her lips, and Ben pressed his free palm directly over her mouth. “Shhhh,” he hissed. “Quiet, babe, quiet.”</p><p>She nodded, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Ben’s fingers only pushed in and out of her faster and faster, and it was getting harder to contain the noise even with Ben’s hand staying over her mouth. His head leaned on the door behind her, his whispers landing directly into her ear. “Quiet, quiet…”</p><p>She moaned into his hand, causing him to hold her tighter, push faster. His fingers were long and pushed in and out with ease, his palm rubbing against her clit. Leslie felt the orgasm start to build, but Ben wasn't ready for this to be over so soon. He would slow down everytime she felt she was about to explode, and then start all over again, building up slowly, torturing her effectively.</p><p>Her fingernails dug into his back, grasping at his stupid plaid shirt and his skinny tie that never got removed, and was so close to begging him for release. But he was so good, she didn't know if she could even find the words to say it. Instead, her moans threatened to grow louder, and she mouthed Ben’s name against his palm. He was breathing heavily too, biting down on his lip. “Ben,” she breathed, when his hand slipped from her lips. “Oh my god, Ben.”</p><p>It was obvious Ben loved the way she said his name. In the midst of it all, his eyelashes fluttered and his lips twisted into a soft smile, all at the sound of his name. “Say it again.”</p><p>“Ben,” she gasped, no hesitation, and his fingers sped up, his thumb flicking upwards to rub circles around her clit, with no sign of stopping this time around. “Ben.”</p><p>“Leslie,” he said, and then she came, her head thrown back against the door, and her mouth flew open in a way that Ben practically had to force it shut, trying as hard as he could to silence the low moan that rolled through her body. She was sweaty, and her legs were aching, and Ben waited until she could breathe again to kiss her, much more gentle this time. Just a soft brush of their lips, as if they had all the time in the world. Even if they didn't.</p><p>They didn't do anything else. Leslie suddenly felt as if she couldn't. “I'm so sorry,” she told him, feeling he must have thought it was unfair. But he didn't. He only smiled at her, tucked her hair behind her ear, and threw a blanket around her.</p><p>“Never apologize for something like that,” he told her, and they curled up together in his bed, suddenly very tired. “Never ever feel like you have to walk on eggshells around me just because you have with others.”</p><p>Leslie rested her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat as he fell asleep. She already knew she wouldn't be sleeping tonight, not a wink. Her head was full of thoughts pushed aside while she was kissing Ben, but with no more happy distractions, they were all there to torture her.</p><p>She and Ben would have so much to talk about, she didn't even know where to begin.</p><p> </p><p>Ben woke up to an empty bed and a mushy brain.</p><p>It was Saturday, in his bedroom, and a quick look at his clock showed it to still be early— seven in the morning kind of early. </p><p>He had reached an arm out for Leslie, to feel her warmth, to remind himself that she was there, that she was real, that it wasn't a cruel game or trick designed to haunt him. He wanted to hug her to his chest and kiss her shoulder and then her lips, just because he could, and he wanted to stare at her and how beautiful she would be in the morning before she put on her work clothes, before she looked perfectly professional, when her hair was still a mess.</p><p>When she wasn't there, a part of him wondered why he even expected her to be at all.</p><p>It was pure panic for a few minutes, throwing back his blankets and searching the room, and then the house, as if she would be hiding or something, Ben not thinking in his right mind. And then he decided that she must hate him, or she never wanted to see him again, that she regretted what they did last night and he might as well leave Pawnee now before she tells everyone and Mark Brendanawicz comes to beat him up—</p><p>He found a handwritten note on his dresser.</p><p>‘Ben— I'm sorry that I didn't wake you before I left, but you just looked so cute sleeping that I couldn't bear to. I had to go early to risk any awkward encounters with Andy and April, I hope you understand. Let's talk soon. From Leslie.’</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Ben realized very quickly that his panic was for nothing, because obviously she had to leave before Andy and April got up. As it was, he was sure to face some awkward questions from them soon about why Leslie stayed so late. And maybe why there was an odd banging on his bedroom door. Ben felt flushed just imagining a situation where he had to make up a lie to tell his roommates.</p><p>His heart was still beating very fast. They would have to talk. They would absolutely have to talk. There was no time for it last night, just greedy hands and stolen kisses and even though it was likely objectively stupid and incredibly dangerous and morally wrong, Ben found that he didn't regret it even for a moment.</p><p>In fact, he would do it again. He only hoped she would feel the same way.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>All of Leslie Knope’s thoughts were Ben Wyatt, and she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.</p><p>On one hand, he made her very happy. Just the thought of his face and his smile and his eyes and his laugh and his butt and the way he held her made her feel safe, secure, and cared for in a way that no one had ever made her feel like before. She wanted him. She wanted all of Ben, but in a way that she couldn’t. In a way that scared her.</p><p>Because on the other hand, she knew objectively that these thoughts of Ben were a very bad thing. For her job, her campaign, for her stupid boyfriend. Her boyfriend of two years, who she had cheated on. And not just with a stupid drunken kiss at the bar, but a passionate kiss in the office, one filled with more than just lust, one she would give anything to have just one more time. Leslie Knope was not a cheater. But she cheated on her boyfriend whom she lived with, who loved her.</p><p>Leslie found herself pounding on Ann’s door, and she opened immediately. Despite the fact that Leslie had yet to follow up with Ann on her vague text, her best friend read her face and knew instantly.</p><p>“You slept with Ben, didn’t you?” Ann asked, and all Leslie could do was gasp and fall into Ann’s arms. </p><p>“How did you know?”</p><p>Ann rubbed her back, pulling her into her house and shutting the door. “I was just waiting for it to happen. The tension was ridiculous. I’d been trying to set you guys up since I almost kissed him at his motel but found out he was into you.”</p><p>That was an odd sentence, and made Leslie pause, pulling back to stare Ann in her beautiful eyes. “Woah, wait, you almost kissed Ben?”</p><p>Ann threw her head back. “So not the point! And you’re the one that kept trying to set us up!”</p><p>“Well, I didn’t think you would actually go for it!”</p><p>Ann and Leslie sat on her couch, Ann giving her a very knowing look that made Leslie feel incredibly seen. “Leslie… how long have you wanted to be with Ben?”</p><p>Leslie would have liked to say she hesitated on the answer, that she couldn’t figure it out. Or that the feelings came very recently, maybe that it was even a heat of the moment type of kiss, but none of that was true. She knew without even having to think about it. “A long time,” she admitted. “When he brought me waffles when I had the flu. I ate his chicken soup and even though I told him to leave that day I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I refused to admit to myself I liked him so I tried to set you and him up. But I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I lost my mind when we weren’t talking. When he left the Harvest Festival it broke my heart. And when he tried to leave Pawnee, that killed me. When we ate lunch in front of the wildflower mural I couldn’t stop looking at him and I told myself it was because he ate funny. Stupid excuse to look at his mouth. When he comforted me that night with the SnakeJuice he made me feel safe and I just wanted to hold him and he was the only thing that mattered in the world and I said it was because we were best friends. I… I kissed Mark in front of him and I may have… had very loud sex with Mark to try and make Ben jealous because I thought he wouldn’t talk to me otherwise. I had so many excuses.”</p><p>“And when did you finally realize it was all because you liked him?”</p><p>Leslie took a deep breath. “He came to see me the day Li’l Sebastian died. Nobody else did. Ben never even liked that horse, he just wanted to be there for me. It was more than Mark ever did.”</p><p>She felt very out of breath, and already very exhausted, having finally spoken out loud words that she had only ever thought, words that she felt wrong for, but words that gave her life. Suddenly she felt like crying. “I don’t know what to do, Ann,” she said. “I want to talk to Ben. I want to tell him all of that, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m just so scared.”</p><p>Now it was Ann’s turn to hide her eyes, looking a little nervous. “I… actually have something I need to admit to you. Ben is… here.”</p><p>Leslie’s eyes bulged, her jaw dropped. “Excuse me, what?”</p><p>“He’s in my room, but it’s not like that!” she added quickly, seeing how terrified Leslie grew very quickly. “Ben and I have… actually become pretty good friends. He came to talk to me a lot when it came to you. So right before you got here, I was actually talking to him. Surprisingly enough, he beat you here. I’m still in shock.”</p><p>Leslie’s heart was pounding in her chest. “That’s how you knew something happened between me and Ben.”</p><p>“Yeah… sorry about that.”</p><p>A new voice cut through the room. “I also… might have overheard everything you guys just said. I’m sorry, I’m a nosy jerk and you two were loud.”</p><p>She spun around to see Ben stepping into the living room, running a nervous hand through his hair. Leslie couldn't help it; she stood up and threw her arms around his waist, pressing her head to his chest. “Ben,” she whispered. </p><p>He smiled into her hair, brushing the strands. “Hey you,” he murmured. “Fancy seeing you here.”</p><p>Ann coughed awkwardly. “And that's my cue. You two both want to talk to each other, so you're gonna do it. Here. Without me. Because as much as I love you both, I am not your couples counselor. I'm gonna go get a drink with Donna.” She picked up her purse and took one last look at them before she walked out the door. “Just… please don't… DO anything in my house, okay? Great, bye!”</p><p>And Leslie and Ben were left alone, standing apart now, staring at each other.</p><p>Leslie shuffled awkwardly. “So, uh… you heard all that? Everything I said?”</p><p>He nodded, and tugged her over to the couch to sit next to him. “I did. Even the parts where you admitted to loud sex to make me jealous. I was up all night that night, you know.”</p><p>Ben was smiling, but she knew there was hurt in his tone. Her cheeks went bright red. “I'm sorry about that. I really am. If it makes you feel any better I had to fake an orgasm that night.”</p><p>He chuckled lightly. “Oddly enough, that does kind of make me feel better.”</p><p>“And I meant all of what I said,” Leslie told him. “I care about you… so much. So much that it kind of scares me, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't think I've ever cared about someone this much before and that's legitimately scary.”</p><p>His hand found hers, and started to absentmindedly play with her fingers. He didn't speak for a moment, as if trying to figure out all of his words before saying them, in case he made a mistake. He was slow, methodical, and both of them knew this conversation was not a moment to say screw it. This needed to be real, and careful, and open, all at the same time. Ben took a deep breath before he spoke. “I still remember the first time I saw you, you know. I thought you were beautiful. I think I started to like you that day, actually, when you called me a jerk. Even if it put your job at risk, you stuck your neck out for what you believed in and that was in me being a jerk. And you were right, I was acting like a jerk, and I really needed a pretty blonde to yell at me and tell me that.” His eyes met hers, and she let him continue. “Of course, I didn't realize I liked you, not at first. Not until Ann told me I did, which I really needed her to say. But even before then, I knew I would've done anything to see you smile. Anything for you to succeed. Which is why…”</p><p>“Don't,” she said suddenly, her insides seizing up as she feared what could be coming next. “Don't say it, please.”</p><p>“Leslie—”</p><p>“No,” she insisted. “No, Ben.”</p><p>“But your campaign, your job, Mark—”</p><p>“Screw it all,” she gasped. It was too easy to say, but too hard to follow through with. As much as she wanted to throw caution to the wind and make Ben hers, that couldn't happen. Not really. Not completely. “I can do it all. All of it. I want you, Ben. We’ll… date secretly. No one will have to know.”</p><p>Ben rose a brow. “Date secretly? If that got out—”</p><p>“I know,” she cut him off. “But it won't get out. Because I'll stay with Mark.”</p><p>He looked uncomfortable with this. “I'm sorry, you would knowingly continue to… to have an affair?”</p><p>“Yes. I would. For you. If I'm still publicly dating Mark, no one would suspect anything about you and I. I can be with you and run for City Council and we’ll both keep our jobs—”</p><p>“I'm scared,” Ben admitted, and his voice broke. </p><p>“Me too,” she gasped, and her hands cupped his face. “One time… one time I told you that if you truly wanted to make me happy, you would leave me alone.”</p><p>“And I did that.”</p><p>“Do you still want to make me happy, Ben? Do you know what would make me happy?”</p><p>His hands trembled. “Anything.”</p><p>“Then stay with me. That's all I ask. Give me a chance. Stay with me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben would do anything for Leslie. But did that include this?</p><p>By doing this, he was putting her entire career at risk. He was her boss, and she was running an entire campaign, and a sex scandal involving cheating on her long term boyfriend with her boss… that was something neither of them would ever come back from. All their hopes and dreams on running for office one day, completely down the drain. And she would still be dating Mark. She would still come home to Mark fucking Brendanawicz every night and there would be lots of sneaking around, hardly any sleepovers, absolutely no security.</p><p>But Leslie was looking at him with those wide blue eyes and all he wanted to do was cave. She was beautiful and she was alight and alive and she wanted him, and Ben already had enough of a taste of her that he didn't know why he was even fooling himself; he could never say no to her.</p><p>“Stay with me,” she whispered, and Ben met her request with a kiss.</p><p>She fell into the kiss, and they grasped at each other furiously, as if they couldn't hold on tight enough or touch skin fast enough. After last time, he let Leslie take the lead, and in only seconds she was straddling his lap on the couch, and he just knew she felt how hard he already was.</p><p>He pulled away from her lips, breathless, just to gasp, “Ann said not to do anything in her house.”</p><p>“Who cares,” she hissed, and the way her hips grinded against him left Ben sucking in a breath and agreeing with her wholeheartedly. His hands gripped her hips and then her shirt was off, and Ben groaned into the swell of her breasts, feeling he would be content if he stayed there forever. Leslie smirked at him, her small hands fumbling with his belt. “My treat, Benjamin. It's only fair, after last time.”</p><p>He would've insisted she didn't have to, that he really didn't mind at all, except for the fact that Leslie Knope was incredibly fast and his pants were already off, and she was off his lap and on her knees in front of him. “Leslie,” he gasped, “you really don't have to—”</p><p>But her lips were around his dick, and Ben was left speechless for the entire rest of the night.</p><p>Yeah, he would absolutely do anything for her.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Anyway Adam Scott loves me and noticed me so enjoy this chapter, I love you all so much.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few weeks went by in a happy blur.</p><p>Ben had never felt lighter or happier in his life, definitely not since Ice Town, and even if he didn't get to have Leslie completely, he already felt she was the best thing to ever happen to him.</p><p>Life became just waiting for the next moment he got to see Leslie. There were quick lunches in front of the wildflower mural and shared smiles in the hall, working on projects together in the Parks department and Leslie coming up with reasons to come down to the City Manager’s Office. They didn't get to go to sleep together or wake up together, because of Mark in her house and Andy and April in his, so they made do with what they had. Ann was so kind and gracious enough to lend them not only her City Hall office for quick romantic meetings, but also occasionally her house when she was gone, where the “no sex on the couch” rule may have been broken… many times.</p><p>As much as they could, at least. Technically speaking, they hadn't had sex yet. They'd done maybe everything but that, and perhaps Ben couldn't help but overthink that decision a little bit. If he thought it was just because she wasn't ready, or wanted to take things slow, he wouldn't question it, but he knew deep down it was because of Mark. Leslie could act all she wanted that cheating on Mark wasn't bothering her, but Ben knew better than that. And maybe, as time went on, Ben started to feel a little bit more upset that he couldn't fully have Leslie— that he would only ever get to hold a small piece of her that he couldn't share with anyone.</p><p>With Leslie Knope, Ben always lived to torture himself. This was absolutely no exception.</p><p>Because as many times as he got to hold Leslie, Mark got to do it twice as many. Mark got to kiss her in public, show her off to anyone he wanted to, introduce her as his girlfriend. Mark got to unlock the key to their shared house and cook dinner with her. Mark got to push her into their mattress and roll on top of her and when she got up in the night looking thoroughly fucked, Mark got to take her hand and tell her to come back to bed. And Ben? Ben got lunches where he had to sit at least two feet away from her and stolen kisses in the Health Department office. </p><p>But, there was some hope. Ben clung desperately to that tiny bit of hope that bubbled in his stomach everytime she looked at him, because he knew there was something Ben had that Mark never could. Mark might have had Leslie physically, but he would never have her heart. The way she looked at Ben never once matched the way she looked at Mark, and he knew Leslie was his in all the ways that really mattered most. Maybe it was immature of Ben, or selfish, but he looked for these moments everyday, thought about them every night when he went to bed alone, just to remind himself that this was something just for him. This was a power Mark Brendanawicz did not have over him.</p><p>He told her as much, at noon on a work day, when they were supposed to be eating lunch but instead were holed up in Ann’s office. Leslie sat on Ann’s desk with Ben standing between her legs, and they hadn't stopped kissing for several minutes. His hands slid up and down her thighs over her dress pants, squeezing them gently just to feel her, to remind himself that she was real, as he so often had to do. Her fingers slipped into his hair at the nape of his neck, gently biting his bottom lip in a way that made his whole body shiver.</p><p>“Leslie,” he murmured against her lips. “I want you.”</p><p>Her fingers gripped him tighter, held him closer to her, but she didn't respond.</p><p>“All of you,” he continued, unable to help himself. “I want all of you.”</p><p>“Just kiss me,” she said, opening her mouth to stick her tongue down his throat, effectively shutting him up. It worked, for a couple minutes at least.</p><p>“Leslie,” he said again, and she simply moved from his lips to kiss down his neck, suckling hard on the skin. He worried it would leave a mark. “Look at me.”</p><p>Her whole body pressed into his, and her fingernails clawed into his back. Her eyes flicked up to his for only a moment, heavy lidded under her eyelashes, before she returned to her task of kissing his throat. Ben sighed. He knew full well what she was doing. He would just have to play this game his own way.</p><p>“I know you had sex with Mark last night,” he said, and Leslie instantly froze. Mission accomplished.</p><p>“How do you know that?” she asked him.</p><p>“He was bragging about it this morning,” Ben said, tilting her chin up to properly meet her eyes. This was true, he did hear Brendanawicz that morning, talking to a few of his buddies. Ben’s blood had boiled and he had to calm his breathing down in the bathroom before he could head back to work. “He was telling his friends about how you cooked dinner for him. How you put out and said you loved him.”</p><p>“Oh, Ben,” Leslie whispered, and cupped his face in her hand. “You know that's not true, that I just have to say that to him.”</p><p>Ben hadn't wanted to pick an argument, but he felt it spilling out of him anyway. “And, putting on this act that you love Mark… that has to include having sex with him?”</p><p>He noticed the way her jaw set, the slight changes in her face that showed she was not happy with this conversation topic. “Do you really want to talk about Mark during our lunch break when we can be making out instead?”</p><p>“I do, actually.” Well, he also really wanted to make out with her, but he figured this conversation was an important one, and one he wouldn't have the guts for again. “Every day we’re together, Leslie, you feel a little farther away. I want all of you, and you hesitate. Every time, you hesitate, and I just want to know why.”</p><p>She stilled against him, and her hand was still palming his cheek. He reveled in her touch, even if it meant he felt the way she shook, the way she paused, the way she couldn't quite meet his eyes. “I'm just scared, that's all.”</p><p>“I understand—”</p><p>“No, I'm not sure you do,” she huffed, and her hand fell away. “You're not the one cheating, Ben. I care so much about you and I want to be with you completely, I want all of you too, but I have to sit here every time and question my own morality, if I'm actually a good person, if I deserve any of this at all, if I deserve you—”</p><p>Well, now Ben felt bad. His face fell and he pulled Leslie back into his arms, where her head fell into his chest. She’d started to cry. She was doing a lot of that recently. “Hey, hey, I'm sorry,” he said lowly, running his fingers through her hair. “You are a good person, don't you ever forget that. I'm sorry, I guess I just get… insecure, because I see the way Mark gets to have you and I start to worry how much of you is really mine.”</p><p>Her head buried into his shoulder instead of meeting his eyes. “All of me,” she whispered against his skin. “Every part of me that matters is all yours.”</p><p>There was something shaky in her tone that Ben really should have paid more attention to. But he chose to believe her anyway. He was much too desperate not to.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie was far more scared than she would ever admit to anyone. She already never slept well at night, but her insomnia was worse than ever, to the point where she couldn't even lie down. She had to be up and moving, walking around the house, getting some work done, late night snacks, television, political biographies, speeches for her campaign, anything at all to get her mind off of this horrible thing that she was doing.</p><p>It wasn't unusual, but she and Mark hadn't been on the best of terms. Ever since that article from Shauna Malwae-Tweep, there was an odd tension between them, at least on Leslie’s edge. She kept the article and her affair wedged between them, distancing herself in any way she could, not expecting that it would distance her from Ben as well. But everytime she kissed Ben, there was that guilt in the back of her mind, all consuming, not even allowing her to enjoy a simple kiss. She wished when she was with him that her mind would go blank, just like it used to, and the world would only be Leslie and Ben, but that was before the affair began. That was back when it was easy to pretend their relationship was innocent, that it meant nothing to either of them, and she could so easily slip into a place where only Ben Wyatt existed. But then that kiss happened, that first kiss, and all that soft innocence and that perfect bubble came crashing down so fast that it was soul crushing. There was no more innocence, only guilt with every stolen kiss.</p><p>She couldn't even imagine how she would feel if she and Ben had sex.</p><p>This thing they had, it felt so fragile, and Leslie couldn't bear the thought of it breaking. For once in her life she stopped being impulsive, and she moved slowly and deliberately, out of fear that any wrong move would send the whole thing crashing down. Their relationship was a tightrope walk and she was quickly losing her balance, and it would only be a matter of time before she started to fall and was hanging on by her fingertips.</p><p>It occurred to Leslie then that although Ben made her feel like herself again, she once again couldn't remember who she was. And that thought was terrifying.</p><p>Mark noticed the tension. It was all her luck that he thought it was only because of the article, that he had no inkling of any affair. She was allowed to be distant because of that article and that was working out very well for her. Except for when Mark started trying his hardest to get back in her favor. He started acting nicer than ever. He brought her lunch from JJ’s and she started having to skip lunch dates with Ben because Mark would eat in his office with her. He started bringing her flowers— wildflowers, because he knew she liked that mural, which made her think of Ben and when she choked up, Mark thought it was out of gratitude. He offered her massages when she was working too hard and brought her coffee with extra whipped cream every morning before work. He cuddled into her at night and whispered that he loved her and she had to say it back, she just had to.</p><p>And yes, she had sex with him. She had never planned on telling Ben, because why tell him something that would just hurt him to hear? She made dinner with him and had sex with him and told him she loved him. But she was just playing a part. It wasn't real, it was a role. She was just… lying. To everyone. To herself.</p><p>She knew Mark was only being extra nice because he was sick of fighting. The two of them had been on edge for weeks, with either Mark or Leslie sleeping on the couch, hardly talking, both upset. But instead of choosing to talk to Leslie about it, he had started to bribe her. With his love, with his affection, with things he had never shown her before but was adamant to show her now. Deep down, she didn't fall for it. On the surface, however, she acted in love. And maybe that was why Ben was growing insecure.</p><p>She lay awake that night with Mark pressed up against her back, his long arms wrapped around her waist. She couldn't get up if she tried— and she really did want to— because the thoughts were sinking in again. She stared ahead of her at their bedroom wall and softly breathed, willing her mind to go blank, to shut off so she could stop torturing herself and just go to fucking sleep. All she wanted was sleep, and not this never ending hell that was her brain.</p><p>Leslie Knope was not a good person, not anymore. There was a painting in City Hall that showed all the good things about Pawnee history, and much larger, all the bad things. Leslie belonged on the bad side. There was no doubt about that, not when her guilt was so consuming. Mark kissed her, and she pictured Ben. And when she kissed Ben, she pictured Mark, and all the guilt she felt for being a cheater, for being involved in this kind of scandal. When Leslie fell off this cliff, she would not fall alone. Ben and Mark would fall with her, and all of Pawnee would feel that impact.</p><p>On a Saturday morning, she woke up late for maybe the first time in her life.</p><p>Well, no, that wasn't strictly true, because it wasn't exactly late. It was six in the morning, but it felt like nine because Mark was already awake, his side of the bed empty. Not once in their entire relationship had that ever happened, and she automatically grew suspicious. </p><p>Leslie carefully got out of bed, and didn't bother to get dressed more than an oversized tshirt and slippers shaped like ducks. She didn't feel like brushing her hair, didn't feel like putting on pants, didn't feel like hopping in the shower. It was a lazy day, a slow day, an insignificant day. At least, it was supposed to be.</p><p>There was a slight clatter coming from the kitchen, which again caused Leslie to pause. Was Mark… making them breakfast? She couldn't think of a time he had ever done that. The occasional coffee or take-out from JJ’s, sure, but actually cooking breakfast? That was unheard of. And he was humming to himself, he sounded happy. Light. She padded her way into the kitchen to see Mark standing over the waffle maker, a plate of already-made waffles in the center of the table, along with coffee, orange juice, scrambled eggs, and wildflowers.</p><p>He looked so happy when he saw her that she didn't have the heart to focus on the fact that wildflowers did not belong to the two of them.</p><p>“Hey! Good morning, babe,” Mark said, pausing in his cooking to press a kiss to her temple. “Did you sleep well?”</p><p>She didn't answer his question, staring around their kitchen as if she didn't recognize it. “Mark, what is all this?” she gaped.</p><p>He just smiled, fixing her a plate of waffles and pulling a can of whipped cream out of the fridge. “I just wanted to surprise you today.” He started piling whipped cream onto her waffles. “I know you haven't been feeling your best lately. You've been distant, I can tell. I know you've been stressed and there's a lot to do with your campaign and I definitely didn't help when it came to that article, and I'm sorry.”</p><p>“Oh, I'm over that,” she lied. Still she turned to sit at the table, happy to see waffles no matter who was giving them to her. When she turned back around to look at Mark again, he was on one knee in front of her.</p><p>“Breakfast isn't the only surprise I have for you,” Mark said. Leslie’s entire body froze. This wasn't happening. There was no way this was happening, right? This couldn't be real, it had to be a dream, or maybe some sick and twisted nightmare because there was just no way he could be serious.</p><p>But Mark continued. “Leslie Knope. I know I haven't always been the best to you. I know sometimes I'm not the best boyfriend, but I love you so much. I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life. And… I want to do even better. I want to support you through your whole campaign and I want to be right by your side the entire time. I figured the best way to do that is with a new start.”</p><p>Leslie didn't move, didn't speak, didn't breathe.</p><p>He pulled a small black box from his pocket, and opened it to reveal a very large ring, holding it up to her. There was a smile on his face and he reached out to touch her hand. </p><p>“Leslie Knope, will you marry me?”</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry about that cliffhanger.</p><p>I lied I'm not sorry.</p><p>I'm not sorry about this next cliffhanger either.</p><p>COMMENTS AND KUDOS APPRECIATED I LOVE YOU ALL SO DAMN MUCH.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Breathe in. Breathe out.</p><p>Count backwards from one thousand.</p><p>Think of warm brownies.</p><p>Nope. Still didn't work.</p><p>Should she call Ann? No, probably not. It was very late at night and Ann was likely asleep. She had an early morning shift at the hospital and Leslie really shouldn't bug her. But also, maybe Ann wouldn't mind, just this once, because it was very important, more important than anything ever. And Leslie knew she should always talk to Ann before she made huge decisions.</p><p>But, crap, it was already too late for that. It was nearing midnight and Leslie was in her car and she had an entire day to think, an entire day since Mark proposed to her that day at six in the morning. She had told Mark she needed a day to think over the decision, and then she left the house. The day was coming to a close, and she was completely and utterly running out of time.</p><p>She didn't know where she was driving to. She had no destination. Yet she still somehow found herself in front of Ben’s house.</p><p>Leslie parked the car along the curb in front of the house, but didn't make any moves to get up. Her seatbelt stayed on, the car turned off, and she gripped her steering wheel with all her strength, pressing her forehead against it and squeezing her eyes shut. </p><p>Think, think, think.</p><p>She supposed the worst part about this decision was that she didn't know which choice to make. If she was leaning one way, any way, she might have felt better about it all. She might have felt more in control. But instead, there was nothing. Not a single clue. Did she say yes?</p><p>She imagined slipping the ring onto her finger and kissing Mark. She imagined planning a wedding with him alongside her campaign and she pictured telling her friends, telling everyone at work, telling Ben.</p><p>Ben. She thought of Ben. She thought of giving up Ben, because that is what she would have to do if she said yes to Mark’s proposal. There was no way she could keep up an affair when she was getting married.</p><p>But then, she imagined saying no.</p><p>She pictured things staying more or less as they are. If she said no to Mark, they would either break up, or keep dating until she was ready. Either option would hardly make a difference. If they broke up, Ben was still her boss and dating him would still be a scandal. If she kept dating Mark, and continued her affair with Ben, it would only ever be just that: an affair, a scandal waiting to happen, guilt eating at Leslie until she exploded.</p><p>She was so scared. So, so scared. This would never get better and Leslie would be on the losing side of history forever, and all she could think about was what was safest. What was better for everyone, in the long run?</p><p>She threw open her car door and pounded on Ben’s door.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had gotten a phone call that day from Mark Brendanawicz. In retrospect, he really should've never answered it.</p><p>He had lifted the phone to his ears with shaky fingers, terrified that they had been found out, that he was going to be threatened, that Mark was going to find him and kill him. Instead, what he learned hurt even more than that possibility.</p><p>“Hey Wyatt,” Mark had said, sounding impossibly calm, even smug. “Long time no talk.”</p><p>“What do you want?” Ben had asked. He was sitting in the living room with Andy and April on the floor in front of him, taking turns playing a video game. He really was not in the mood for a smug call.</p><p>“I was hoping you remembered the last conversation you and I had in Indianapolis. About how you want my girlfriend?”</p><p>Ben swallowed hard, and said again, “What do you want?”</p><p>“I wanted to remind you of that, in case you started thinking I forgot, or that you might have a chance again. I do see the way you look at her, Wyatt, I'm not that blind.”</p><p>“I… I haven't done anything. I swear, I haven't.” A lie. A terrible, blatant lie and oh god, Ben’s stomach was twisting and he had never felt so awful in his life.</p><p>“Good,” Mark said. “Because after today, she’ll be engaged to me. And if you think I'm protective over my girlfriend now, just wait until—”</p><p>Ben hadn't heard the rest. His phone had slipped from his sweaty palms and crashed to the floor, ending the call to Mark. Andy and April barely spared him a glance as he snatched up his phone and ran to his room, slamming his door shut. He was reeling, heaving against the wall, clutching at his stomach.</p><p>He was bluffing, right? He had to be bluffing. There was no way, he wouldn't do that. Mark was terrible to Leslie, would he really propose? And, oh god, would Leslie say yes? It would be stable. It would be secure. She wouldn't have to worry about a scandal ever again.</p><p>Ben curled against the wall and spiraled into self-pity, losing track of time completely. Every thought in his head ended up twisted up with another, making it impossible to keep track, to come up with a solution to this fucked up situation he had gotten himself into. He should've said no. He shouldn't have ever agreed to only being a part of Leslie's life. He should have asked for more, for all or nothing, because he deserved more than being a secret, a man on the side.</p><p>Or did he? Did he deserve her at all? What right, what claim did Ben have on all of Leslie Knope? He was just as much at fault for this. Ben was the one to kiss her first, to go after her even when he knew it was wrong. He chose to be with her even if it meant secrets and their jobs on the line. Ben was selfish, so selfish, because he had decided that having Leslie to himself was more important than her livelihood, than her career, than her future.</p><p>What fucking right did Ben have to do any of that?</p><p>He was already a nervous mess by the time he heard the knock on the door, knowing who it was without even having to check. He hadn't moved from his spot on the floor since Mark’s call, but out of some twisted masochistic nature, he stood up then, and met Leslie outside. He shut the front door behind him, and for a second they just stared at each other.</p><p>She looked beautiful. God, she always did.</p><p>She was the first to speak. “Are you okay? You look—”</p><p>“Mark called me today.”</p><p>That was all he needed to say. The pieces came together in Leslie’s mind, her face twisting, arms twitching as if eager to reach out to him. “Ben, I—”</p><p>He held his hand up, backing away from her. If she touched him now, surely he would break under the pressure. “What did you say to him?”</p><p>“I— What?”</p><p>“What did you say? When he asked you? I know that he did.”</p><p>She swallowed hard, wrung her hands together. “I haven't actually given him an answer yet. I said I… needed time to think.”</p><p>The fact that her answer wasn't immediately a hard ‘no’ punched Ben in the gut. No, stabbed him, twisting into him as if trying to cause as much pain as possible. “Okay,” he said slowly. “So, you've had time to think. What are you thinking?”</p><p>“Ben, I'm scared.”</p><p>“That doesn't answer my question.”</p><p>He was being harsh. Maybe too harsh, but he couldn't afford softness just then. Time was running out and she was slipping from his fingers.</p><p>Leslie stared at him for a long time. “I've been thinking… that I want to be with you, Ben. More than anything in the world. But I'm having a very hard time imagining a world where that's possible.”</p><p>It was the answer he knew was coming, but had hoped desperately wouldn't at the same time. He felt the feeling in his gut already. “Okay,” he said. As if he had forgotten all other words.</p><p>“I keep thinking about you, Ben, how impossible this situation is. How I want you so badly, and I keep trying to figure out how to make this work, but—”</p><p>“But it won't,” he interrupted. “So you might as well not even try, right?”</p><p>Leslie's face started to twist, the tears forming in the corners of her eyes already. “I have tried, Ben! I've been trying for weeks, but I can't kiss you anymore without that guilt in my stomach, I can't look at you without feeling terrible anymore.”</p><p>Ben’s hands were shaking. “So I'm hurting you. So the best thing is for me to go—”</p><p>“BEN!” Leslie cried, and she took another step towards him that he instantly sidestepped. “Ben, don't say that, please, listen to me.”</p><p>“I'm listening.”</p><p>The calmer he sounded, the more Leslie dipped into hysteria. Her next words echoed into the night, filled with barely suppressed tears. “This thing we have, Ben, its unsustainable!”</p><p>“So you want to break up?”</p><p>“NO!” she cried. “No, more than anything, I don't want that. All I want is… is you, to have you, and to not have Mark, and for both of us to keep our jobs and for me to keep running my campaign.”</p><p>Ben shoved his hands in his pockets to hide the way they were shaking. “Yeah, well, you can't have everything, Leslie. You're gonna have to make a choice.”</p><p>It was on the tip of her tongue, and by the way she hesitated, he already knew what it was. There was no mistaking it. And he was already so fragile, he suddenly didn't want to hear it.</p><p>“No,” he cried, losing his calm demeanor for something much more full of emotion. “No, don't… don't even say it. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to stand here in my front yard while you tell me you're going to leave me and marry someone else. I don't want to hear you say you're leaving me for him. I can't hear those words, because I think if I hear them, I'll break. So don't say it. Please, don't say it.”</p><p>Tears were streaming down Leslie’s face, still shuffling towards him, her small body trembling. “Ben, please…”</p><p>He shook his head. “I'm begging you not to say it. Leave me, go ahead and leave me, but don't tell me that he’s the reason why. Anything but that. I'd rather you just… left.”</p><p>She looked ready to collapse on the sidewalk. “I don't want this, Ben, I really don't, it's just because—”</p><p>“JUST GO, LESLIE!” he screamed, and just that took every inch of energy out of him. His breath was coming out heavy and raspy, his heart beating so fast he wouldn't be surprised if it would physically be ripped from his chest. “Just leave, because every second you're in front of me kills me. I can't stand to look at you right now.”</p><p>Leslie wiped her cheeks with her hands, bright red, and Ben found himself wanting to brush the tears away himself. But he didn't. He never would again. “I'm only doing this because… because I think it's better, for both of us,” she said, finding trouble with the words. “Because this is killing us, and it's killing me to do this—”</p><p>“So, I'll make it easy for you,” Ben whispered. “I'll do it. It's over, Leslie. You're free. You don't have to worry about your guilt anymore, I understand.” </p><p>And, before he would start to break, or start to take it back, he turned his back on her, fully prepared to leave her right here, right now, outside his house past midnight. He couldn't look at her anymore. Probably not ever again. It was better that way. There would be no more scandal. Their futures were saved. Right?</p><p>He paused with his hand on his doorknob, and turned his head to the side, catching her blonde hair in his peripheral vision. “Oh, and before I forget,” he called out to her, “Congratulations on your engagement.”</p><p> </p><p>Leslie spent too long washing her face in the bathroom when she got back home late that night. It seemed like no matter how much she washed it, the tears would still come back, her cheeks would still be red, her eyes would still be puffy, and Ben’s last words to her would still echo in her head. She’d never felt pain quite like this before.</p><p>She’d stood on the lawn outside his house for too long after he went inside, cursing herself for even coming in the first place. It was her fault, all her fault, and maybe, just maybe, it could've been avoided if she hadn't gone to see Ben that night.</p><p>No, he still would've gotten that terrible call from Mark. That would have only delayed the inevitable.</p><p>The only way this kind of pain could have been fully avoided is if she never kissed Ben Wyatt at all. If she never got too close to him, never forced him to stay in Pawnee, never fell for him. Was all of that, the last several weeks, was it worth the physical pain she felt in her heart and her chest now? Would it feel worth it when she was curled into a ball on the shower floor, unable to get back up because goddamnit, why should she? Why should she have to live with this kind of pain? </p><p>For the first time, she started to feel real regret for being with Ben. Both of them would have been happier now if they left it at just friends. Neither would have gotten that first taste, neither would have fallen in too deep, neither of them would be drowning right now and struggling to pick themselves up off the floor.</p><p>It was nearly four in the morning by the time Leslie crawled back into bed, and Mark’s arms instinctively tightened around her.</p><p>“Leslie?” he whispered, just barely awake. “What is it?”</p><p>She had cupped his cheek and curled into him, in a way she hardly ever did anymore. She pressed a long kiss to his lips, a kiss where she tried to feel something, a kiss to distract from everything else, to bring her back to the Leslie Knope that would do anything for Mark Brendanawicz, because even that version of Leslie wasn't hurting as badly as the current one.</p><p>She pulled away and looked Mark in the eyes. “Yes,” she said.</p><p>His brows furrowed. “Yes?”</p><p>Leslie nodded. “My answer is yes. I will marry you.”</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm sorry for all the angst lately, but your comments are killing me in a way that makes me feel great. I appreciate every comment and kudos and all I can say here is: all will be well. ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was a ring on her finger the next time he saw her.</p><p>It was a ridiculous thing to get upset about, if only because he already knew it was coming. Mark had proposed, Ben and Leslie broke up two weeks ago, what else was she supposed to do? It was their own god damn decisions that brought them here, yet still Ben felt sick to his stomach.</p><p>God, he didn't even want to be here. He was perfectly content ignoring Leslie and pretending she didn't exist, not stepping foot into any Parks department business, but then Chris just had to come and shatter that frail glass barrier between them. He was required to appear at the park to look over the Reasonablists, a group that apparently insisted that tonight was the end of the world.</p><p>Ben kind of hoped that it would be.</p><p>She walked around the park like nothing was wrong, as if nothing happened at all. She showed off that stupid ring on her finger to the people around her and Mark stood next to her the entire time. He was always touching her in some way. His hands on her shoulders, on the small of her back as he led her around, crouching down to wrap around her waist, in her hair. Mark Brendanawicz, touching every piece of her that used to belong to Ben.</p><p>Actually, he supposed that wasn't true. Leslie had never been Ben’s, not really, not in the way that he thought she was. She was always Mark’s, and it was Ben that got a quick taste that he was never supposed to have. That he kind of wished he hadn't had.</p><p>Leslie was all smiles and full of conversation, but without her usual light. Ben knew her well enough to notice this about her, but he wasn't going to let it give him hope. It wouldn't be enough to change his mind, anyway. He saw her kiss Mark’s cheek and saw Mark squeeze her hip, and suddenly Ben felt like throwing up. Yeah, he definitely shouldn't have come. Stupid, fucking Chris Traeger.</p><p>He avoided her at every possible turn, but that wasn't quite possible now, in the park for their tiny little event, as it got darker slowly. The entire Parks department was there, save Tom, who was apparently throwing a massive party for the end of the world. It was beginning to sound very nice, much better than watching Leslie actively forget about him. At Tom’s party there would be alcohol, which sounded even better.</p><p>Leslie was talking to the reporter, Shauna Malwae-Tweep, with a painfully forced smile on her face. Ben knew why. Shauna was the reporter that wrote that awful article about her, littered with disgusting quotes from Mark. Mark, who she was now engaged to be married to. As if that made any fucking sense at all.</p><p>Ben really should have walked away when he realized how close he was standing to Leslie and Shauna. He should've gone over to where Chris was talking to Ron and pretended, once more, like Leslie wasn't even there. But he was listening to their conversation before he even knew what was happening, against his better judgement.</p><p>Shauna was speaking. “... he's cute. Is he single? Do you know?”</p><p>Leslie turned her head, and Ben thanked the lord she didn't look at him. “Chris? No, he's actually dating Jerry’s daughter.”</p><p>God, Ben had forgotten about Millie Gergich. Which was odd, considering Chris would never stop talking about her whenever Ben was in earshot. He rolled his eyes.</p><p>Shauna continued. “Oh! No, sorry, I meant Ben. What's his story?”</p><p>Ben froze at the sound of his name. Oh god, Shauna was actually asking about him. Asking about HIM. As if she were interested in him. He immediately recoiled at the idea. Shauna was cute, but she wrote that scathing article on Leslie, and it just… wouldn't be right.</p><p>Leslie’s face went bright red at Shauna’s question. “I— Ben? Ben Wyatt? I… I don't know, Shauna, I really don't. We don't really…” She was stuttering like crazy, almost none of her words making sense, and Shauna was giving her an odd look. “Actually, Shauna, I heard he's kind of a jerk. Like, a next level, class A jerk, you know? Ben totally… just… hates everything. But that's just what I've heard. Your guess is just as good, nay, better than mine!” Leslie coughed, cleared her throat. “The end, by Leslie Knope.”</p><p>A jerk. A next level jerk. That was what Leslie thought of him now? He instantly felt his blood start to boil, his hands shaking. How the hell was he the jerk in this situation? Leslie was the one that pulled back, that hesitated, that distanced herself further from him every damn day they were together. Leslie was the one who strung Ben along while also telling Mark she loved him, and Leslie was the one who came to dump him the second Mark started acting sweet and flashed a ring at her. But Ben was the jerk? Because he was honest in their last conversation and refused to cave for a woman who wouldn't choose him? Bullshit. Complete, utter bullshit.</p><p>Ben and Leslie weren't together anymore. They were over and done with and nothing would come of them again. So Ben shouldn't care about that article and what it meant to Leslie. Ben shouldn't care about any of that.</p><p>As a matter of fact, Shauna Malwae-Tweep was kind of cute.</p><p>And Leslie was still clinging on tight to Mark. Fine. Two could play at that game. Leslie had admitted she played the game of jealousy with him in the past, and maybe, Ben thought it was time she got a taste of her own medicine.</p><p>As soon as Shauna was alone, Ben walked right up to her, not waiting for her to make the first move. She smiled up at him. He noticed she had dimples. “Hi,” he said to her. “Hi again, I mean. I'm sorry, I just really wanted to talk to you.”</p><p>Shauna smiled sweetly, looking flattered by this. Ben wasn't doing so bad already. He supposed flirting was easier when you were really only doing it for show. “That's funny, I was actually about to come and find you,” she giggled. “You looked like you could use some company.”</p><p>He returned her smile as easily as he could, trying to focus on her and her only. If he could do that, he would get his desired results. “Your company, I hope,” he said, and mentally applauded himself for that one. God, why couldn't he be this smooth with women he was actually into? “You wanna get some drinks?”</p><p>Ben and Shauna ended up spending quite a bit of time by the refreshments table, just talking about nothing. Ben was laughing, Shauna was smiling the entire time, and he had no idea if this was even working. It wasn't until Shauna let out a particularly loud laugh, and leaned over to put her hand on his arm, did he figure out that it was working.</p><p>When Shauna turned to get another drink, Ben chanced a quick glance over to where he knew Leslie would be. And sure enough, she was staring daggers in his direction, a look that could kill. Good. He hoped she was angry. She was still standing next to Mark, so why shouldn't Ben flirt around a little? Shauna was a lovely girl. Shauna probably wouldn't leave him for Mark Brendanawicz.</p><p>Okay, Ben was fully aware that Shauna had one slept with Mark Brendanawicz. But, whatever, it didn't matter. He was just bitter, and maybe that was a plus. Maybe that would make Leslie even angrier, because he knew full well Leslie's feelings towards Shauna.</p><p>Leslie caught his gaze right as he was about to turn around. She narrowed her eyes at him, as if to ask him what the hell this was all about. Ben only cocked a brow, as if he had no idea what she was talking about. Leslie huffed, and grabbed Mark’s hand in hers.</p><p>Fine. Ben could do that too, and better. When Shauna returned with his drink, he took her hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing her knuckles. Shauna blushed furiously, and in the corner of his eye, Leslie was turning red in a very different way than Shauna.</p><p>“Oh! You're so sweet,” Shauna told him, and she didn't move to pull her hand from his. So Ben intertwined their fingers and pulled Shauna closer to him.</p><p>In his peripheral vision, Leslie spun around and grabbed Mark by his jacket, pulling him down to press a kiss to his lips. Ben’s smile automatically twisted into a frown, because that move just wasn't fair. He just met Shauna, it wasn't like he could kiss her without it being incredibly weird. Still, as Leslie pulled away from Mark, Ben took as much a chance as he could, and leaned over to kiss Shauna’s cheek. </p><p>Thankfully, Shauna responded very enthusiastically to this. She gripped his hand tighter and leaned into him, their bodies very close to each other now. Neither of them were being exactly subtle with their flirting by that point, but considering Leslie was currently trying to get Mark to make out with her in the middle of the park, Ben didn't care.</p><p>“Leslie, what the—” he heard Mark's voice, as he gently pushed Leslie off of him. “We’re in public, Les, calm down. What's with you today?”</p><p>He heard Leslie huff, and could just picture the exact look on her face, the way she would break out into a huge, fake smile. “Nothing!” she insisted. “I just have a super hot fiancé and I can't keep my hands off him!”</p><p>Mark smirked, in a way that was so smug Ben wished he could smack the look off his face. “Okay, well, let's handle that in private later, okay babe?”</p><p>“There won't be a later!” a Reasonablist yelled, chuckling to himself. “Later Zorp will show up and melt the lips of your face!”</p><p>“Great,” Leslie hissed. “You know what, maybe I hope he does.” And then she stalked off, right towards… oh god, right towards Ben. He held Shauna closer to him.</p><p>“Hi Ben!” Leslie called, her voice more strained and higher pitched than usual. “I see you found Shauna! She's just great, isn't she? Aren't you, Shauna? Hey, you wanna go and talk… over there? Just some girl talk, Shauna, you and I can totally get out of here.”</p><p>Ben knew, deep down, what Leslie was doing, but he didn't want to have any part of it. Just hearing her say his name made his insides squeeze up and he felt like shit. It took everything in him to stay calm; the two of them hadn't had a single conversation together since their break up.</p><p>“Actually, I think I have everything I need right here,” Shauna said, flashing a winning smile at Ben, and he mentally thanked her for that line, god that was good. Then again, she probably meant it.</p><p>It was then that Ben realized he was being kind of a jerk to Shauna.</p><p>Leslie narrowed her eyes once more. “Okay, well, I warned you, Shauna! Just remember what I said! You be nice to her, Ben. I mean it, you be nice.”</p><p>“Don't you have a fiancé to go make out with?” Ben snapped at her, and he regretted it as soon as the words were out his mouth. Shauna looked uncomfortable, a little confused, and Leslie's face twisted in a different way than the anger he was expecting from her. Actually, for the first time that day, Leslie looked genuinely sad.</p><p>Her lower lip trembled as she looked at him, and then she tore her eyes away. And thank god she did, because Ben couldn't handle another second of looking into her eyes. It was all too much. He had to keep staying strong. Not let his weakness show. He raised an eyebrow at her.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe I do,” Leslie mumbled, with no heart in it whatsoever. The pain was evident in her voice, and it became clear to him that she was breaking, even if she tried very hard to pretend that she wasn't.</p><p>Good lord, what had he done?</p><p> </p><p>As the night got darker, Leslie tried her hardest to avoid Ben. Going up to him and Shauna had been a mistake, she knew that, but God, seeing the two of them together was driving her crazy, and all she wanted to do was shove Shauna aside and press her lips to Ben’s.</p><p>She knew she shouldn't want that. Ben was being a jerk. Sure, she had started this jealousy war with him when she purposely kissed Mark everytime Ben looked over, but still. Ben knew her insecurities with Shauna Malwae-Tweep and chose her anyway. And that just drove Leslie wild.</p><p>So wild, that even though she left him and Shauna almost in tears, she still found herself watching them all night. She had to move closer as it got darker, and as the flute playing from the Reasonablists got louder, and that just led to overhearing conversations that… she probably shouldn't have listened to.</p><p>“Hey,” Shauna purred, her finger trailing up and down Ben’s bicep. “Do you maybe wanna get out of here?”</p><p>Leslie’s entire body seized up, her jaw clenched, and fuck, why did this have to hurt so much? Why did this have to be her reality?</p><p>Ben’s brow rose in curiosity. “Sure. Got anywhere you want to be?”</p><p>She giggled. Stupid giggling. Leslie decided she hated giggling. Just laugh out loud like a real human being. “That end of the world party sounds kind of fun.”</p><p>“Oh, Tom’s party? That does sound fun.”</p><p>Leslie was jumping out in front of Shauna and Ben again before she could even stop to think about what the hell she was doing. “BEN!” she yelled, and winced immediately after. Okay, that was too much. “Oh my gosh! I totally just remembered something that I have to show you right now!”</p><p>He looked irritated, and she couldn't blame him. She had no idea what she was doing, she just panicked and… now she was here. He opened his mouth to answer and she knew he was going to say no, but thank god for Shauna.</p><p>She pat Ben’s arm and disentangled herself from him. “How about I meet you at the party, Ben? I don't mind. I'll see you there, okay?” </p><p>Before Ben could say anything at all, Shauna was gone, leaving Ben and Leslie alone. And thank god, because she could get Ben to follow her to the parking lot. He walked with his hands in his pockets and his head down, and for a moment, she thought she had him. She had no plan, other than talk to Ben, but that was enough, right? He was here. But when she went to unlock her car, he refused to get in, standing on the edge of the sidewalk.</p><p>“No,” he said firmly. “I know what you're doing, Leslie.”</p><p>She shuffled awkwardly. “I am… trying to get you into my car, so I can't show you that super awesome thing that I really need you to see!” It was such a lie, and he saw right through her. He always did.</p><p>“You can't do this,” he said, his hands still shoved in his pocket. “I mean, we broke up. I kind of think we shouldn't hang out together, just the two of us.”</p><p>It broke her heart. She knew it was true, but the pain she felt was unreal. Her chest heaved with his words and looking at him was killing her, but she couldn't turn away. “Ben,” she choked, much softer now. “Does it really have to be like this?”</p><p>He looked at her incredulously, unable to believe a word she was saying. “Are you serious? You're really going to ask me that? What the hell do you think happened between us?”</p><p>“You left me,” she cries, wiping the tears from her eyes very quickly before they came too fast. “You left me outside your house and you told me we were done.”</p><p>Ben laughed, and it was short, cold, an unnatural sound on him. “Seriously? No, really, are you serious?” There was no real emotion in his eyes. “You left me long before I left you, Leslie. You left me a little bit more every day we were together, leaving me to cling to the broken pieces of our relationship. You came to my house that night to leave me. Don't you dare lie and say that's not true.”</p><p>She swallowed hard and hesitated. Mostly because it was true. He was right about that. She hadn't known all day, but she knew the moment she pounded on Ben’s door two weeks ago that the only option was a break up. She knew it would be safer for both of them. She had just hoped the break up would've ended more amicably. “I still wanted us to be friends,” she said at last, and in her own ears she sounded pathetic.</p><p>Ben gaped at her. “You actually thought we could be friends? I'm sorry, but the last thing I can do right now is be friends with you, Leslie. It's too hard. It's too much to even be around you.”</p><p>“Can we… can we please at least talk about this?” she begged, her tears coming faster now. It was unfair, all of it was so unfair. Leslie was supposed to be the one to leave him, but now here she stood, sobbing, while he watched her, colder than ever. He was so detached that she almost felt like she didn't know him at all. This was Ben Wyatt as she hadn't seen him since his very first visit in Pawnee: emotionless, cold, and closed off. It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was never supposed to be like this. “Can we talk about where we went wrong, the two of us? Just get in the car, Ben, we can go somewhere—”</p><p>“NO, Leslie!” Ben yelled, and she flinched at the sound. “I'm done talking. You want to know what happened between us, Leslie?” His finger was pointed right at her, his brown eyes burning. “You didn't choose me. You thought you could keep everything. I chose you. Every damn time, I chose you, and I prayed that when the day came, you would choose me too. But you didn't. You were never going to choose me. I see that now.”</p><p>Leslie gasped with a breath that was almost painful, one she had been holding in. “Ben—”</p><p>“Stop it.” He held his hand up. “I don't want to hear my name in your mouth. You don't… you don't understand how it makes me feel. That's it, Leslie. I'm leaving now.”</p><p>And he did. Into his car, several spots down from hers, and he didn't take a single look back at her as he drove away. Leslie collapsed into her own car and sobbed into her steering wheel, imagining Ben, who must hate her now, going to Tom’s party and dancing with Shauna Malwae-Tweep and then marrying her and having babies with her.</p><p>Still, she couldn't help but think of the last thing Ben said to her, about how she said his name. His voice had almost broken there, almost. He tried his hardest to be guarded, to hide himself, but she saw through the cracks. Through that one tiny line, it felt like proof that he was hurting too, that he didn't want this just as much as she didn't.</p><p>It was a hope that Leslie couldn't afford.</p><p> </p><p>Ben never ended up going to Tom’s end of the world party.</p><p>He meant to, he really did. He meant to do a lot of things, like text Shauna after she put her number in his phone, like get something to eat, or change into comfier clothes, but none of those things happened. He ended up back at his house with Andy and April gone on some ridiculous road trip, curled up on the couch with a large bottle of alcohol all to himself.</p><p>Tom’s party had alcohol, but so did his house.</p><p>He broke a little bit that night. He almost showed his hand, almost let that pain shine through when he couldn't afford to do that. If Leslie was going to break, then Ben really couldn't. It hurt to be cold, to say those things to her, but he had to. It was the truth, anyway. Maybe she needed to hear it.</p><p>Ben got very drunk that night. Very drunk. He found himself on the floor of his living room still cradling his bottle, not even bothered enough to pull the tie from his collar. He drank until he finally cried, his first time doing so since their break up. He hadn't been allowing himself to cry. He told himself that would just make it all too real, when he would much rather forget.</p><p>But it turned out large amounts of alcohol just caused him to remember, because all he could think about as he sobbed into the carpet was the feel of Leslie's hair in between his fingers as he kissed her. The look in her eyes when they pulled back, and her tiny gasps when he kissed her again. How she sometimes had to stand on her tiptoes or pull him down by his tie to kiss him, how she would crawl into his lap on Ann’s couch as they watched another history channel documentary. Lunches with her in front of the wildflower mural at City Hall, inching closer to each other everyday. Stolen moments in his office when Chris wasn't around, sweet nothings in her ears when Mark wasn't around.</p><p>Ben was falling in love with her.</p><p>He pounded his fist into the carpet, the world so dizzy, the lights so blurry, his tears so furious they were blinding him. “FUCK!” he screamed, just because he could and because no one would hear him. “Fuck, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me?”</p><p>He threw up in the toilet and washed it down with another sip of alcohol. Uncaring to stand up again, and fearing he would only trip if he got to his feet now, he just curled up on the bathroom tile and let his mind wander.</p><p>Ben fell asleep with his forehead pressed to the tile, wondering if all was ever going to be well again.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I just wanted to tell you all that although I may not respond or reply to most comments, I really really do appreciate every single one. In fact, I obsessively check for comments and when they come I read them over and over again.<br/>PLEASE COMMENT I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was two weeks since Ben left Leslie in the parking lot of Ramsett Park. A full month since they broke up. A month since Leslie got engaged. And an entire month of Leslie not feeling whole.</p><p>It was like there was a hole in her heart, widening everyday that she didn't see Ben. It never stopped aching and she never really stopped feeling it, no matter how much she tried to ignore it. Her best coping mechanism so far? Throwing herself into her work. It was hard to think about anything when all you could afford to think about was work.</p><p>Ann was constantly trying to talk to her, get her to slow down, but Leslie refused to hear any of it. There wasn't time to slow down, not now, maybe not ever. Mark hardly even noticed something was wrong with her. All he ever did lately was try to get her into bed.</p><p>She never gave into him, not again, not anymore. Everytime Mark started kissing her throat and pulling her to their bedroom, all she could think about was Ben’s face, Ben’s voice when he asked her about her sleeping with Mark, the pain that was there. She wasn't with Ben anymore, and she knew eventually she would be married to Mark and she couldn't keep avoiding sex forever, but she didn't care. For now, she was okay with pretending to fall asleep early on the couch every night.</p><p>Thankfully, her campaign picked up. Her managers, Elizabeth and William, kept her plenty busy, creating constant meetings to talk strategy and ads. It was needed now more than ever, because there were rumors of a new candidate coming into the mix— heir to the Sweetums fortune Bobby Newport. They were just rumors for now, but that was no excuse to take this lightly. And Leslie was more than okay with facing this problem head on.</p><p>And maybe, just maybe, she had an idea to boost her campaign. An idea to help the dear, young political minds of Pawnee who loved Model UN. And maybe Leslie knew that Ben did Model UN. Maybe she knew that he loved it. Maybe she knew that he would want to help out, even if it meant working side by side with her. Or maybe she didn't know any of that. Total coincidence. When asked, she would go with that.</p><p>But God, he just looked so excited when he walked in, looking around at the auditorium and all her flags, eyes lit up like a little kid in a candy shop. He was so stupid cute, and just the fact that his smile in that moment was because of her, because of what she did… that thought lingered in her mind for a very long time.</p><p>She sidled up to him slowly, just casually, giving him the room to back away from her if he felt the need to. “Hey there, Peru. You excited to get this going?”</p><p>Ben didn't move away, and she could've let out a breath of relief so large it was comical. The tension in her chest eased up a little. “I am, actually,” he said, with the tiniest of smiles on his face. “You did a good job here, Denmark.”</p><p>Leslie grinned brightly at him, wanting to keep this good conversation going as long as possible. If they could just be friends, just friends… Leslie might be able to handle that, as long as he was still in her life in some way. “Well… I'm glad you like it. I worked very hard on it. And you know, I don't share my extensive collection of flags with just anyone.”</p><p>Ben looked giddy, his hands on his hips. “I think I'm ready to roll up my sleeves and make geo-political problem-solving my bitch.”</p><p>Leslie laughed at that, and their next move was so second nature that neither of them realized they were doing it at first. They fell right into step with their handshake, their fingers touching for the first time in a month, both of them smiling, neither of them thinking. They had fallen right back into their old patterns and there was something so beautiful about it, but—</p><p>“Ms. Knope?”</p><p>Startled, Leslie’s hand slipped, their handshake turning into a slap to Ben’s face. He winced and recoiled, rubbing his cheek. With the way his face fell, it was obvious the moment was over. He realized what he had done.</p><p>“Ms. Knope, we need you over here for the photo op, for your campaign.”</p><p>“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Oh, yeah, of course. Um…” she looked over at Ben, who was frowning now. “Um, I'm sorry, I'll just be right—”</p><p>“Don't,” he interrupted, shying away from her. The change in him was instantaneous; touching each other was a clear mistake. “Just… go.”</p><p>But Leslie’s heart hurt, and suddenly she didn't care about the stupid photo op. Half of the reason she set this whole thing up was because of Ben, so shouldn't she get to spend some time with him? She didn't want that precious moment to be over already, she had to salvage this. She put up one finger to the photographer and leaned back over to Ben, her voice low enough so that only he would hear. </p><p>“Look…” she whispered, “for what it's worth, Ben, I'm really glad that you're here—”</p><p>Again, Ben cut her off. “Let's not do this, okay? Just… stop. Not here.”</p><p>Her heart seized in that terribly familiar way. “I just wanted to be friends—”</p><p>“Too bad,” he all but hissed, and he was starting to look legitimately angry. She took a step back at the look on his face. “Go do your campaign stuff, I have a treaty to discuss with the kids.”</p><p>Her jaw clenched. “I… fine. Fine! I will,” she grumbled, because if he could be angry, then so could she, goddammit. She shot Ben and look and stormed off to the photographers, uncaring if it was taking too long and she was leaving Ben and the kids waiting. Whatever. She didn't care. Not about Ben or about anything.</p><p>It was one of the biggest lies she told herself that day.</p><p>Ben kept glancing over at her, looking more and more upset every minute, just trying to deal with the kids. He would ask when it was over, she would tell him to wait. He said he was treading water with the treaty, she shrugged her shoulders and said the photo op was very important. Back and forth, back and forth.</p><p>But then he wrote her out of their treaty.</p><p>And maybe it was nothing. Maybe it was just a silly fake treaty for Model UN that didn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Except for Leslie, it meant everything, like a symbol. Like he was cutting her out one more time on top of leaving her. And something about it felt oddly final.</p><p>“You wrote me out of the treaty? Are you kidding me?” she yelled at him, uncaring in that moment who was listening. “I said that I would be back!”</p><p>Ben set his jaw, narrowed his eyes at her. “Actually, you said that photo op was oh so important and you just HAD to spend time on it. I mean, good lord, Leslie, is a good photo for the paper all you care about? What about the kids?”</p><p>Her hands clenched into fists. “Don't you dare tell me I don't care about the kids when they're the entire reason I set this up! I've done everything for them, and you're just… you're just being a big jerk.”</p><p>“Oh, I'm being the jerk? Let me guess, I'm a jerk because I'd rather focus on the kids and the hunger crisis rather than hash out all our problems with you?”</p><p>Leslie felt like screaming. “You… you asshole!” A couple of kids around her shifted at her language, but for once in her life she didn't care. Ben was red faced and pointing a finger at her and didn't he know how much this hurt? Didn't he know that everyday without him was killing her? Did he even care? “You're the worst, Ben, you just—”</p><p>“Stop saying my name! Just stop it! I swear to God, I don't want to hear it one more time. Not your voice or your face. So stop it, Leslie.”</p><p>“If I can't say your name, you don't get to say mine!” she was shaking with rage that wouldn't go away anytime soon, and the students were beginning to look a little scared. “No, you know what, Peru?” she stormed up to the podium and slammed the gavel. “I declare war! Denmark would like to officially announce war on the nation of Peru! ON MY SIGNAL!”</p><p>In retrospect, they definitely should've been kicked out of Model UN.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sat at home alone, Andy and April off who knows where, still incredibly angry about what went on at Model UN.</p><p>He let war break out. Actual war! Most of the students had left by the time they were done and they hardly realized it, so focused on their mutual destruction that they hadn't realized they'd brought everyone else down with them. </p><p>God, he had been so stupid. He let himself falter, let himself have that moment of weakness where all he wanted to do was be around Leslie. He'd completely forgotten himself for a moment with their old handshake, and her accidental slap was the wake up call he needed. He couldn't be around Leslie, not anymore. It just hurt too much. And Ben was much, much too weak. Too much time around her, who knows what would happen? Maybe the world actually would end.</p><p>There was a sharp pounding on his door. He didn't answer, but it wouldn't stop, and he couldn't think of anyone else who would be slamming their fists into his front door at almost midnight. Especially after they just had an argument and he wouldn't let her get her final word in.</p><p>Ben groaned inwardly. He should've ignored it. He really, really should have ignored it.</p><p>He opened the door, and Leslie stood there in a blaze of glory, all wide eyes and wild hair and positively glowing with anger. Her arm was raised to shake her fist at him, not even giving him a moment to breathe before she was yelling.</p><p>“Screw you, Ben Wyatt, what the hell was that? You're going to be an ass and yell at me like that in front of everyone? What gave you the right? Who do you think you are? I'm nothing but nice to you after what happened between us, I try to be good to you, I gave you distance and you were a jerk, I talked to you and you were a jerk, I tried to be friends with you and you were a jerk, I mean what the hell do you want from me? No matter what I do you just seem to hate me and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, with you being a cold and calloused jerk to me when I've made it clear I'm hurting, I mean seriously! I get it, you hate me now, you've made that clear with the way you act, but did you seriously have to do it in front of everyone? What did I do to deserve—”</p><p>Ben kissed her.</p><p>Ben cupped her face with an intense amount of strength and kissed her to shut her up, if nothing else. He kissed her because she was there and she was in front of him and whenever she yelled, it seemed to do something to him. He kissed her because she was angry and he was angry and it just felt like the right thing to do in that moment.</p><p>He pulled away, but his fingers still pressed into her cheeks, his voice a low growl an inch from her face. “I am… ridiculously angry with you,” he said.</p><p>“And I still think you're an ass,” she hissed, and then they came together again, and Leslie came to life once more. She met Ben’s force with just as much power, her fingers curling into the front of his t-shirt and pulling. He felt her nails in his chest, the way that she squeezed, and two could play at that game. Ben growled and pulled her into his house, kicking the front door shut behind him. He wasted no time in shoving Leslie into his couch, thinking that even his bedroom was too far away, and Andy and April weren't here, so who cares?</p><p>She tried to leap off the couch but Ben climbed on top of her and held her there, pressing frantic kisses to every exposed inch of her skin. His fingers curled around her wrists and pushed them into the couch cushions, grabbing and grasping and pulling and kissing with bruising force. And she reacted just as strongly, pulling her wrists and wrapping her legs around him, pulling him closer.</p><p>He let go of her wrists for a moment to allow his fingers to curl into her hair at her scalp, and she took this opportunity to wrap her first in his shirt and pull it over his head, throwing it to the floor. Ben very quickly took this as a good time to start ripping open the buttons of her shirt.</p><p>Leslie’s breath was hot in his face. “This is a bad idea,” she murmured, low and in her throat.</p><p>Ben tore her shirt from her shoulders and slid his hands over her bare stomach. “An incredibly bad idea,” he agreed, before both their lips met again, somehow even more hurried than before. They had never been quicker in their movements, in how they touched each other, as if they knew deep down that they had to get this done before they snapped out of it and the regret would start to sink in.</p><p>Ben lifted Leslie's back and unclasped her bra, practically tearing that from her too and tossing it over his shoulder. He barely gave himself time to look at her before his hands were gripping and kneading her breasts, swallowing her gasps with his mouth still on hers. She started to rock underneath him, her arms twisting around his shoulders to dig her nails into his back.</p><p>Both of them were channeling all of their anger, their hurt, their sadness and their pain into each other, taking it out on each other, as if to make the other feel that burden. This was not sweet, or overly loving, even if this was only happening in the first place because they were falling in love with each other, and there was nothing they could do about that. There was only frustration and ridiculous amounts of tension, and after so long… they were bound to explode.</p><p>Leslie's fingers tugged at strands of his hair, hissing under her breath, and Ben met this by gripping her hair, pulling at it, and dipping his hand to the waistband of her pants, undoing it quickly. Feeling a need to get even lower, he disconnected himself from her lips and kissed down her chest, capturing a nipple in his teeth. He rewarded her tiny groan with another pull of her hair, and just like that they were fighting for some kind of dominance over the other, as if whoever ended up on top would be the winner of whatever fucked up situation their relationship had become.</p><p>He practically ripped her pants off of her, and she whined something about how unfair it was that he was still half dressed. Ben shot her a glare and twisted her hair in his hands. “I don't care,” he told her, uncaring if he sounded mean, or gruff. This just seemed to spur her on.</p><p>With a glare of her own, she spun on him, leaping up so suddenly that she could easily overtake him through his surprise. The next thing Ben knew the back of his head was slamming against the seat of the couch and Leslie was above him, straddling his lap. He groaned, and reached to grip her hips, but she wouldn't even allow him that luxury, pushing his wrists back into the couch in a very similar fashion to how he did it not long ago.</p><p>“My turn then,” she told him, “you asshole.” She started to grind her hips into his lap, slowly enough to torture him, and they were dipping far too quickly into territory the two of them had never reached before. Neither of them slowed down. “If you're going to be a jerk, I'll be a jerk to you.”</p><p>“You're cruel,” Ben hissed, curling and uncurling his fingers. He itched to take her down again, but he was also curious to see how far she would take this. So he didn't move his hands when she let go to undo his pants, pulling them and his underwear down until he was naked underneath her. “And this is unfair,” he added, nodding to the fact that she still had her underwear on.</p><p>“What was it that you said to me? Oh yeah. I don't care.” And her fingers gripped his dick, causing Ben to moan through a bit lip. “I said war earlier, didn't I? I intend to follow through on that, and this is how I win.”</p><p>“You're ridiculous,” Ben groaned as she stroked him, and it felt so good that he almost didn't want to stop her. “You're ridiculous and short sighted and so awful to me.”</p><p>“Keep going,” she told him. “I know you're just trying to get me to yell at you.”</p><p>“If I wanted that—” another groan, as her hand started pumping him faster, “— I would do something else.”</p><p>He didn't wait for her to question what, because if this was war, then goddammit he was going to act like it was war, and he had every intention of winning. He pulled Leslie down to his chest and wrapped his arms around her before rolling both of them off the couch to crash onto the floor. They both groaned at the impact, and Ben took advantage of Leslie being on her back to hook his fingers around the waistband of her underwear and pull them down her legs, tossing them aside.</p><p>“You asshole!” she cried out. “It was my turn!”</p><p>He covered her with his body, his fingers slipping in between her legs. “And you said this is war. You think war cares about who's turn it is? I should get you a white flag, you may as well start waving it now, Leslie—”</p><p>“The only thing I will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!” </p><p>He scrunched up his nose and stuck a finger inside her, reveling in the way she gasped and melted at his touch. “Good lord.” She was heating up underneath him, both of them naked and practically wrestling the other. Leslie's fingers were back in his hair, scratching down his back, her teeth at his throat, biting his earlobe, his bottom lip… She didn't rest, she didn't breathe, and Ben was just so goddamn frustrated, he was aching—</p><p>Ben gripped Leslie’s waist tightly and flipped her around, off of her back and onto her stomach. She squealed at the impact, her hair flying into her face. She was already preparing herself to move, but Ben was quicker. He pushed her onto her knees and put his hand on her back, pushing her face down into the carpet. A tiny whimper left her, but she didn't move this time, keeping her cheek pressed to the floor and her arms stretched out in front of her.</p><p>Ben pushed her knees apart, taking in the sight of her, exposed to him in a way she never had been before. His hands gripped her ass, squeezing tight. “Gonna be hard to decapitate me like this, don't you think?”</p><p>Leslie hissed and wiggled her hips. “Just shut up and fuck me, Wyatt.”</p><p>Ben didn't need to be told twice. He reached underneath one of the couch cushions, where he knew for a fact Andy kept condoms (Ben never asked why, frankly he was too scared to) and rolled one on, before practically slamming into Leslie, creating shouts and both their ends. The next push was slower, but just as powerful, Ben gripping Leslie’s hips so tightly that he was bound to leave marks. He wondered, for a brief moment, if that would end up getting Leslie in trouble with Mark Brendanawicz, who was still her fiancé.</p><p>He decided he didn't give a damn.</p><p>Before long he was pounding into her, one hand on her hips, and the other on her back, in order to keep her ass up properly and her face to the ground. She moaned underneath him, and he kept going harder, faster, with only one goal in mind at that point: that she would scream his name. His name, and no one else's. He was determined, as if it was the only way to erase how he heard her screaming Mark’s name in Indianapolis. </p><p>It was the only way he would be okay hearing his name in her mouth again.</p><p>Every breath, every whimper from Leslie was like some kind of drug to him, and he was high off the feel of her, losing track of anything else. This was the way it was always supposed to be, the way he had wanted it to be when they were together— just the two of them, and no one else.</p><p>“Ben,” Leslie whispered, and he faltered for a moment. His roughness slowly for a second, his fingers tracing her back and wanting to brush the hair from her face. “Ben,” she snapped again, and it was louder now, more needy. She didn't want gentle, she didn't want love. She wanted to fuck him until the pain of the breakup went away, until it was easier to pretend like everything was okay. She wanted him to fuck her so she could pretend it never even happened. And Ben had fallen into that exact same trap.</p><p>By the time they collapsed on top of one another and started to fall asleep on the floor, Ben had already regretted it.</p><p> </p><p>Leslie woke up early the next morning incredibly sore, not just from sex with Ben, but apparently also from sleeping on the floor.</p><p>And, oh god, sex with Ben.</p><p>She wasn't drunk or anything, so the thought shouldn't have shocked her in the slightest, but she supposed heartbreak and anger was a drug of its own, and now that she was calmed down and more in her right mind, she was utterly terrified as to what this meant for the two of them.</p><p>Clearly Ben was thinking about the same, because he was miraculously up before even she was, and was just finishing up putting on the rest of his clothes. And he didn't look at all happy.</p><p>“Thank god you're up,” he said, speaking quickly and anxiously. “Get up. Get dressed, you have to go.”</p><p>Leslie's heart sank a little. She knew it was ridiculous to hope for, but she had almost wanted to stay. To talk to Ben about it. Maybe it could even mend whatever problems there were between the two of them. “Ben, wait—”</p><p>“No, Leslie, don't you dare start that on me now, okay?” He looked frantic, pacing back and forth. The way his hair stood up made it clear he wouldn't stop running his fingers through it. “This was a mistake. A huge, ginormous mistake, and it never should've happened. It was wrong.”</p><p>His words hurt so badly it was like she had been punched, the impact hitting hard enough to release an actual gasp from her lips. Was he really so ashamed of her? “You… you don't… you don't want to…?”</p><p>“Please, Leslie. Please…. please go.” He was softer now, desperately begging her, and for the first time in a very long time, she noticed actual tears in the corners of his eyes. Pain. Real, genuine pain that he couldn't conceal behind a rough exterior for once. It was heartbreak. “You don't understand what this did to me. What it means… it just hurts too much.”</p><p>“Can't we just talk about it?”</p><p>“No,” he said, and he tossed her clothes and a blanket at her. “Because just hearing your voice hurts too.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and he instantly wiped it away. “I think it's best if we just pretend this never happened and go about our separate ways. Okay?”</p><p>She stared at him for a long time, studying the way he trembled under her gaze. Despite the fact that his real emotion was finally showing, and despite last night, this was the farthest Leslie had ever felt from Ben, as if he really was slipping away from her and she would never get him back.</p><p>“Okay,” she whispered, and she pulled her clothes on and slipped out of his house without looking at him again. She couldn't look into his eyes, she couldn't, not anymore. If she had, she might never have been capable of leaving.</p><p>She felt so close to just saying “screw it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next several days consisted only of frantic texts from Leslie that Ben always ignored. He couldn't even read them, it was bad enough that he had to see her name on his phone every time it lit up. The very last thing he felt capable of was fully blocking her, but he was starting to get a little desperate.</p><p>He just needed peace. And with her everywhere, not only at work around every corner, but also on his phone at every hour of the day, he couldn't seem to escape her. It was like some personalized version of hell, where all Ben could see was her face and the smell of her hair and the feel of her body underneath him, the sound of her gasping his name when she came for him.</p><p>Fuck. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Leslie Knope was his every thought, every dream and every waking moment, and it was starting to destroy him.</p><p>And, of course, of fucking course— dear, positive Chris Traeger, who was Ben’s friend and really was well meaning— just tended to make things that much worse. Another goddamn project assigned to Ben and Leslie.</p><p>Leslie, of course, tried to completely blow up this smallest park project into some way to have a conversation with Ben, but he wouldn't take the bait. He was so eager to get himself out of her line of sight that he fast tracked the project, completing Pawnee’s Smallest Park mostly by himself, and as quickly as possible. He anticipated the angry texts from Leslie, and sat at home that night with his phone shut off, staring at his bedroom wall.</p><p>He really, really didn't know what to do.</p><p>Even if Leslie stopped sending him messages, she would still be at work. He would still see her as she turned corners and he would still have to avoid the second floor wildflower mural because he would start to cry everytime he caught a glimpse of it. He would still have to talk to her and remain professional and civil over Parks and Rec matters, and there was no way he could explain to Chris why he didn't want Leslie showing up in the City Manager’s office, so he had that to deal with too.</p><p>There was no rest, no peace. Ben screwed up and Ben fucked her and he was so, so in love with her and he wished he wasn't. He wished he had never come to Pawnee at all. He felt bad for himself, curled up on his bed, and was just about to force himself up to find some wine or something when there was a small knock on his bedroom door.</p><p>“Ben?” That was April’s voice. Ben frowned.</p><p>“Um, come in, I guess.” He sat up on his bed and pushed his hair off his forehead and April made her way in, lingering by the doorway. “What is it? Is the wifi being weird again?”</p><p>“I know you had sex with Leslie.”</p><p>Ben’s mouth went dry, nearly choking in hopes to avoid looking too shocked. “I— what? That's ridiculous, what did you… what do you… I would never. Where is this, uh, coming from?”</p><p>April crossed her arms over her chest and shut the door behind her, but she made no move to get any closer to him. “Oh my god, you're like, the worst person at talking,” she quipped, rolling her eyes. Ben didn't say anything. “Look, I know because there was only supposed to be one condom left under the couch cushion and it was gone, so…”</p><p>Ben scrunched up his face in disgust. “Oh god, why do you guys even keep them there in the first place?”</p><p>“Andy and I like to make pillow forts in the living room when you're gone and have sex on all the blankets.”</p><p>She said it so casually, but Ben was already side-eyeing the blankets on his bed, just in case. April continued. “And now you're never gone like some kind of loser and you stole that condom so I know you had sex in mine and Andy’s spot so don't even try to lie to me.”</p><p>The idea of having this conversation with April was utterly ridiculous, and Ben felt mortified enough to melt into nothing. “I… how do you even know it was Leslie? It could've been… Shauna for all you know.”</p><p>April glared at him. “I actually think you're the worst liar in the world. You could never pull Shauna. And you and Leslie aren't nearly so subtle as you think, I've been watching you guys for months.”</p><p>His eyes widened. “We… we weren't subtle?”</p><p>“Oh my god, you idiot, no. It's kind of a miracle Brendanawicz doesn't know. You know he's going to kill you, right?”</p><p>Ben covered his face with his hands, just wanting to run right out the door and never come back. He would have to find new roommates, right? Right. This was mortifying. “Oh my god. Please don't remind me. And… please, please don't say anything. It's over between us anyway. So there's nothing to talk about.”</p><p>April got that look on her face that showed she was about to get serious, even a little emotional, even when she didn't want to. She wouldn't look Ben in the eye and she started to shift awkwardly, looking annoyed by her own emotions. “Well, maybe you should talk to her, or something.”</p><p>“I'm not going to do that—”</p><p>“No, maybe you actually should,” she snapped. “Because you might pretend like you're fine but it's obvious when you're sad. You become a really bad roommate when you're sad. You take those long sadness baths and you make me late for things.”</p><p>“I do not—”</p><p>“You do,” April hissed. “Just face it, Ben, you miss her. And… maybe you and Leslie were terrible for each other, but also maybe you weren't. But I don't think you would be this sad right now if it was awful between you.”</p><p>Ben felt those words deeply, and he stared at April closely. “Maybe,” he said. “But it's pretty damn awful right now.”</p><p>“Maybe it's only awful because you two are both idiots who think too much. I mean, Andy and I are like two million years younger than you two but we’re married, and we didn't think about that at all.”</p><p>“What's that got to do with it?”</p><p>April pursed her lips. “I'm trying… to tell you that sometimes it's better not to think. Do whatever makes you feel happy. Even if it seems like the wrong choice. Honestly, I always feel happy making wrong choices.”</p><p>Ben chose to ignore her last quip, and focused on the very sensitive message she was giving him. Something stirred inside him, and he suddenly found himself very thankful for April’s friendship. “Thank you,” he told her. “I— Really, thank you—”</p><p>“Get away from me!” she screamed, even though Ben hadn't even gotten up, and she ran out his room, slamming the door shut behind him. Ben smiled, just softly, and decided he would sleep on what April said. She wasn't quite so stupid or unobservant as she might want people to believe.</p><p>When Ben finally got up the courage to turn his phone back on about an hour later, he was surprised to see his notifications weren't just filled with messages from Leslie, but also from Ann. Ann, who hadn't spoken to since their breakup. Because it felt too awkward, maybe. Because Ann was Leslie’s friend first and she seemed to have been claimed by her in the breakup. Maybe because even just Ann was so close to Leslie that he couldn't be around her without dreaming of what could be. </p><p>He held the phone up to his ear. “Ann?”</p><p>“You really, really need to talk to her, Wyatt.”</p><p>Ben winced. “Wow, not even a hello.”</p><p>Ann sounded heated, and not at all in the mood for small talk. She was practically yelling in his ear. “Don't sass me. You need to talk to her.”</p><p>“No,” Ben insisted. “No, I'm done talking. I've told her over and over again that I just can't be around her, what more does she need me to say? It fucking hurts, Ann.”</p><p>“I know that. I know that it does. But she doesn't. You've been acting like a real ass lately, Wyatt, do you realize she thinks you hate her? Like, genuine hate?”</p><p>This shocked Ben, a wave down his back, and he sat up straighter. “What? Of course I don't hate her. It hurts to be around her because I want to be with her, but I can't, why would she think otherwise?”</p><p>He could practically see the way Ann was rolling her eyes at him. She definitely probably would've hit him if he was in front of her. “Oh, I don't know, maybe because you've been nothing but a jerk to her? Because you tell her you can't stand her voice or her face? Can't have anything to do with you kicking her out of your house and telling her she was a mistake while she was still naked in your blanket, can it?”</p><p>Ben swallowed hard. “She, uh… she told you about that?”</p><p>“OF COURSE SHE TOLD ME ABOUT THAT, I’M HER BEST FRIEND!” Ann screamed, and Ben winced, moving the phone from his ear. “Seriously, just talk to her. Just once. When she can't talk to you, she starts to message me. And I don't have unlimited data.” He heard Ann sigh, pictured the way she would bring her hands to her temple. “Look, whatever you say to her… I think she's finally ready to listen. Just think about it.”</p><p>She hung up before he could respond, and Ben sighed. Against his better judgement, he checked his text messages from today, and to his surprise, there was actually only one from Leslie, only five words:</p><p>‘Smallest Park at ten. Please.’</p><p> </p><p>Leslie hasn't stopped thinking since Ben kicked her out of his house that morning.</p><p>This wasn't unusual, of course, but this time her thoughts were more specific, were somehow moving faster, and filled out many, many pages in many notebooks. She would sit up all night weighing pros and cons, thinking of the past, and the future, her career, Mark and of Ben. So, so much of Ben.</p><p>Logic never gave her the answer she wanted. Logic told her to forget about Ben, because her future was much safer that way. Because Ben was a jerk who had sex with her and then called it a mistake, who wouldn't talk to her even for one moment, who wouldn't give her the time of day. Logic told her that she would, eventually, get over him. That she would move on with time, and that she could learn to be happy getting married to Mark. With Mark, she could have it all. She could have a scandal-free campaign, a steady job, a path to the White House. She would have stability and a home, someone she could come home to every night, someone who was familiar, someone who didn't scare her with how much she loved them.</p><p>Ben terrified her. He terrified her because she had never had feelings quite like this before, never so strong and all consuming, and she had no idea what to do with that. Just the thought sent chills down her spine.</p><p>And goddammit, she didn't want the stability anymore. She didn't want Mark, she didn't care about the future he could give her. Her heart was growing stronger and louder than her mind and it was so scary, so scary that she realized she was very willing to give up everything if it meant she could have Ben.</p><p>Maybe that was why she asked to meet him. A little unsure, still, of what she would say to him, but she waited nonetheless.</p><p>It was cold. She wore a red coat and sat on a bench in their smallest park, the last remaining link on earth of the two of them together. The last place she could sit and still feel him as if he was standing next to her. And, miraculously, soon enough he was.</p><p>She didn't think he would come. She really didn't.</p><p>She stood up to greet him, and the two of them kept their distance, but their eyes never left each other’s faces. Ben still wasn't showing much emotion. He was still closed off. Just in case, just in case.</p><p>“I didn't think you would come,” she said.</p><p>“I almost didn't.”</p><p>“Well, I'm glad you're here. Take a seat. But, only if you want.”</p><p>“Okay. I want to.”</p><p>He sat down and she stood above him, hiding her trembling hands behind her back. She didn't know where to start, what to say. Could she make this better? Or would it just be worse? “I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I haven't been listening to you. You told me loud and clear how you felt about me, and I didn't care, and I tried to get to you anyway. And that wasn't fair of me.”</p><p>“It wasn't,” Ben whispered. “But… you do understand that I don't hate you, right?”</p><p>Leslie swallowed hard.</p><p>“I could never hate you,” he said. “And honestly, I'm sorry too. It wasn't fair, the way that I've been treating you. I was upset with the way our relationship ended and I was jealous of Mark, and I took that all out on you. It hurt, and I didn't know what to do with that pain. So, for what it's worth, I'm sorry.”</p><p>His apology meant a lot to her, so much to her. She didn't want to admit the amount of times she had locked herself in her bathroom wondering where she had gone so wrong, if he would ever smile at her again. “I've been thinking,” Leslie choked. “I've been thinking for a long time. Maybe too long, because I think I should've come to this conclusion a long time ago.”</p><p>Ben looked at his lap, his hands shoved into his coat pockets, and for a moment he looked terrified. “What are you thinking?”</p><p>“I'm thinking… that I made a mistake, Ben. I made a mistake a month ago. I made a mistake two years ago. I made mistakes and I was so wrapped up in the person I was with Mark, that I didn't know how to fix those mistakes. I was too scared to climb myself out of that hole and I didn't even know who I was, but… you know, you always did. You took one look at me the first day we met and you knew who I was before even I did. You took one look at me with Mark and you knew something was wrong. You told me that I should yell more and I really, really should've listened to you.”</p><p>The tiniest of smiles appeared on Ben’s face. “I've always liked when you yell. It was great advice.”</p><p>Leslie took a deep breath, and prepared herself. These words, they weren't planned. Maybe she wasn't even meant to say them, maybe she shouldn't. But maybe she didn't care anymore. Maybe it was time to stop caring about what was right and what was safe. “I know this is too little, too late, Ben, but I think it needs to be said. I never should've dated Mark. I should've said no. To his kiss, to a first date, to his proposal and his ring, and I should've said yes to you. I was so slow, and so stupid, and… I think I made the dumbest mistake of my life. But… I also respect you. If you don't want to have anymore contact with me, I think I finally understand.”</p><p>She sucked in a breath, her entire heart in his hands to crush.</p><p>“I… don't want that. Really.”</p><p>Ben met her eyes, and the words were spilling out of her so fast she hoped he could hear her at all. “I miss you like crazy. I think about you all the time. I wanna be with you. So… let's just say screw it.”</p><p>Let's just say screw it.</p><p>Ben stared at her for a long time, searching her, as if he was wondering how much of this was real. She waited, for anything, for some kind of sign, and prayed that he wouldn't run away, prayed that he would hear her out.</p><p>“Leslie,” he started, so calm. She was so scared. “Leslie… how can you say that? How could you even… your campaign, and Chris, and your entire future, and Mark and your engagement, I mean…” He was starting to look frantic now, his emotions bubbling to the surface. “I mean, how can you even suggest that?”</p><p>“Because you mean more to me than any of that,” she told him, and that was the truth. “It took me so stupidly long to realize that. I don't care about any of that stuff, not anymore. I don't care about stability, or safety, or whatever scandal would come of this. Ben… you told me once that everyday, you chose me. You told me that I never chose you, even though you prayed I would. I was selfish, and scared, and I thought I could have it all, and I thought that I could keep you in my private corner to keep while in public I continued to pretend like you never existed. I don't want to live like that anymore.”</p><p>Ben was standing, several feet in front of her, staring at her closer with every word she spoke. His eyes went wider, allowing more emotion in, and tears were forcing themselves down Leslie’s cheeks. She took a deep breath. It was now or never. She was putting everything on the line, but she was ready. She was so, so ready, and she wasn't going to regret a thing.</p><p>“I choose you,” she whispered. “So let's just say screw it.”</p><p>In those few moments of silence, Leslie waited with bated breath, preparing for the worst. She was ready and waiting for the heartbreak that would follow, because that's what happens when you throw yourself out on a limb, that's what happens when you give someone your entire heart and all they know how to do with it is crush. She was trusting Ben with her heart, as fragile as it was, and in that second of silence, she feared it was really over, that there would be no going back, and Ben would keep her heart just to rip a piece of it off everyday.</p><p>None of that happened.</p><p>Ben did not crush her heart. No, he put it back.</p><p>He was moving in seconds, and then his fingers were grabbing her face and he was kissing her, kissing her like he had never kissed her before. He kissed her not like it would be their last, but like it was the first of many. A forever kiss, a promise on his lips, a kiss that meant they were here, they were okay, this was the rest of their lives. With just that kiss, and his hands on her face and in her hair, his mouth opening to consume her, she saw the rest of her life in clear, screaming color. She saw it more vividly than she had ever seen anything, and there was something so simple and sure about it, she just knew it to be true. Ben Wyatt was always going to be it for her.</p><p>His lips parted against hers, and every inch of him was trembling, holding onto her like he would never let go again. His thumb brushed the tears lingering on her cheeks, and when he smiled at her, the same way he used to, everything in the whole world felt okay again.</p><p>Ben nodded gently. “Screw it.”</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Today we got the best news we could've ever been given: a brand new episode of Parks and Rec is coming out next week.</p><p>I'm definitely still screaming and crying about it, so in honor of that, enjoy some super soft (and smutty and fluffy) Benslie this chapter. Love you all! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Leslie and Ben moved like they had all the time in the world.</p><p>Because, they reasoned, now they did.</p><p>These were not hurried kisses or desperate hands or tearing clothes, but slow and certain movements, with the intent to feel everything, to be present for every moment. Leslie took Ben back to her place with every intention of keeping him there all night.</p><p>“But what about Mark?” Ben whispered to her in the car. His hand wouldn't leave hers, no matter what.</p><p>“He's gone tonight,” she told him. “Out with friends. He's not coming back until after work tomorrow.”</p><p>“And then what?” Ben nearly gasped, and she knew exactly what he was asking. She squeezed his hand tighter.</p><p>“And then I leave him,” she said, without a hint of doubt, or regret. “And I take my engagement ring off.”</p><p>“And then?” he egged on, as if desperate for that validation. She couldn't blame him.</p><p>“And then we tell Chris. And we let everything unfold from there. But I'm not going to let anything stop me from being with you.”</p><p>There were happy tears in Ben’s eyes that he tried to hide, but she saw them. She saw them as they pulled into her driveway, and as they walked into her house, and as they held hands up to her bedroom. She wiped under his eyes and kissed his cheeks where they were wet, and he just held her. </p><p>Every kiss was slow. They would have eternity for faster ones. They pressed their lips together and breathed in the scent of the other, memorizing the taste of each other. Ben’s hands wandered, massaging her hips with purposeful strokes, before gripping her red coat and slipping it off her shoulders. </p><p>Leslie stepped backwards until her knees hit the edge of her bed, and she spun them so Ben was sitting down, crawling over to straddle his lap. With just that brief moment, she missed the feeling of his lips against hers and she reconnected them, leaning into him, her fingers working to undo the buttons on his plaid shirt.</p><p>Always plaid. That was the Ben Wyatt she knew and loved.</p><p>She loved him. She really, really did. And she would tell him that, too, but she realized suddenly that she didn't have to, just then. She didn't have to blurt out that she loved him because she wouldn't have another chance. No, there would be time. There would be so, so much time. And right now, she just wanted to feel his hands on her. </p><p>As soon as she pulled his shirt from his body, his fingers twisted on the hem of her shirt and got rid of it for her, tossing it to her bedroom floor. His hands explored her stomach, so soft, tracing her waist with his fingers. He wouldn't move on until he touched every inch of her exposed skin, his other hand burying itself in her hair while his lips kissed down her throat. She breathed in slowly, her eyelids fluttering, her own hands pressed to his chest.</p><p>Leslie gasped as Ben sucked hard on the skin of her neck, running his tongue over it, and for a split second, she worried about explaining hickeys to Mark. But then, she reasoned, none of that would matter anymore. The ring still on her finger meant nothing to her, and she would be leaving Mark soon enough.</p><p>But then again, did she want Mark to know she had been cheating on him with Ben? She was scared, but not for her sake, but rather Ben’s. She knew how Mark got, and the last thing she wanted was for Ben to take the fall for her against Mark. He didn't deserve that. So, despite the fact she really, really didn't want to, she gently pushed him from her neck and cupped his face in her hands.</p><p>“Careful,” she whispered to him. “I don't want to make this harder on you. He could hurt you.”</p><p>Ben frowned, and she saw the slight panic in his eyes. “I— I’m not… afraid of him.”</p><p>Leslie giggled, and pressed her forehead to his. “You're cute, babe. And as much as I love your mouth on my neck, I think I'd rather have it somewhere else right now.”</p><p>That line did the trick. Ben’s look turned mischievous, and he captured her lips once more, just as a placeholder while he worked on the clasp of her pants. Where once she was straddling him, she was now underneath him on her bed, lifting her hips so he could get rid of her pants. He trailed kisses down her body, every inch he could reach, mumbling against her skin.</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered as his hands ghosted over the strap of her bra. She noticed the way he smiled. “Ben.”</p><p>“I like when you say my name,” he said, and he lifted her back to unclasp her bra, tossing that aside too. His fingers grazed over her breasts, so softly as if she might disappear if he pressed too hard. “I've always loved when you say my name. It's why I… I couldn't stand it when we were broken up. Everytime you say it, I just want to kiss you.”</p><p>If that was true, Leslie was most definitely making a note of that, because she could use that in the future. “Is that so?” she laughed, and then, because she couldn't quite help herself: “Ben.”</p><p>There was a low rumble deep in his throat as he stayed true to his word, kissing her fiercely, holding her tightly. His hands stayed cupped to her breasts, memorizing the way they felt in his hands, taking his time in moving forward. Long fingers rolled over her nipples and pinched them, eliciting a gasp from her that Ben swallowed. He was smiling when he pulled away, his eyes heavy lidded and dark.</p><p>“Will you keep saying my name?” he asked her, wiggling down her body.</p><p>“Always,” she whispered.</p><p>He was encouraged by this, and continued to trail loving kisses down her stomach, to her hips, then to her thighs, at which point a shiver ran down Leslie’s spine. He rubbed her thighs, up to her hips, until his fingers hooked around her underwear, removing her last article of clothing and throwing that aside too. He took a moment, pulling back, just to stare at her, to take her completely in, spreading her legs just slightly. </p><p>Ben sighed and looked into her eyes. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”</p><p>The words were just as soft as his fingers, and she felt the fluttering in her heart, the way she exhaled audibly, the faint blush in her cheeks. She was growing needy for him, and his words absolutely did it for her.</p><p>Ben returned to the task at hand, spreading her legs further, kissing up her inner thigh. This was only the second time they had done specifically this, but the one time before now was enough to know how much Ben enjoyed going down on her as much as she did. And Ben was very excellent at it too, despite the fact that the last time it happened, it was a very rushed job in Ann’s bathroom before she came home. But now? Now, they had all the time in the world. And Ben seemed determined to make it last and to make her feel good.</p><p>His face was hovering between her legs, and she felt his soft breaths, making her squirm with anticipation. She lifted her head to see him better, and he took the opportunity to raise his hand to her, holding two fingers up to her lips. His fingers slipped into her mouth and she closed on them, making direct eye contact with him as she sucked, until he felt satisfied enough.</p><p>Ben smirked at her, slid both fingers from her mouth, and then slowly pushed them inside her, painfully slow, causing her body to seize up. Her back arched just slightly as he pulled back, and then pushed his fingers back in, and maybe going slow was torturous and amazing and teasing and beautiful. He held her down by her hips and then, with no warning, his mouth was on her clit, his tongue swirling, and now her body was really reacting. Her hands shot down to curl into Ben’s hair, pushing him into her, which he accepted with ease as encouragement, moaning against her grinding hips.</p><p>He didn't move slowly forever. As her legs began to tremble and she was verging on tearing his hair out of his skull, his fingers pushed faster and faster into her, his tongue working harder than ever. The moans that escaped her lips grew louder and louder, and she was panting his name, declaring it for the world to hear. Ben. Ben Wyatt. Everything that mattered in the whole entire world was Benjamin Walker Wyatt, and when Leslie finally came, it was with an explosion of emotions.</p><p>She lay trembling underneath him, her back arched and her heels digging into the mattress, one hand in his hair and the other clutching the sheets. There was his name, one more time, strangled between a loud moan, and she swore she'd never once had an orgasm like this before. Her mind was blank, or numb, and all she felt was Ben, and his hands on her, and his warmth, and how he made her feel loved and beautiful and safe and like no one had ever made her feel like before.</p><p>They shoved Ben’s pants off, and, quicker than they had moved all night, had torn open a condom package, Leslie sitting up to ride him and impaling herself on his dick. They moaned together, and she grinded her hips against him, reveling in the way she could make him come undone, studying how his eyes fluttered shut and his mouth hung open a little, how his hands gripped her hips and guided her as she bounced up and down on top of him. She liked the way his moans were more like strangled gasps and he could hardly get a word out besides her name in between them. Hushed, deep, and low in his throat: “Leslie…”</p><p>Ben leaned forwards to wrap his arm around her waist, the other still steady on her hip, their bodies pressed to each other so tightly there wasn't an inch of room. Chest to chest, and also forehead to forehead, feeling each other’s heavy breaths on their skin. She wanted to be as close as possible to him for all the times that she couldn't be, as if to erase every moment they wanted to touch each other but couldn't. </p><p>They came together, swallowing each other’s gasps by pressing their lips together, finding difficulty in keeping it together. Ben and Leslie were shaking against each other, both sweaty and warm, but they still didn't let go, not for a second. Not even when Leslie climbed off his dick and collapsed on top of him, feeling so hot but not hot enough to leave his side. </p><p>She rested her head on his chest and they didn't even bother to put their clothes back on or pull on any blankets as they started drifting aimlessly into sleep. She felt it behind her eyes, the pull of sleep, so much easier when she was in Ben’s arms.</p><p>“Thank you,” Ben whispered to her after a couple of minutes, fingers tracing up and down her arm. </p><p>Leslie smiled into his chest. “For what?”</p><p>“For choosing me.”</p><p>She opened her eyes and lifted her head just enough to look at him, eager to catch those brown eyes, to see the way they gazed at her. There was so much love there, so much care; she never wanted Ben to stop looking at her like this. “You don't have to thank me,” she told him. “I'll always choose you. My heart chose you before I even knew that it did. My mind just needed a little bit of catching up.” She smiled, and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Do you remember when you almost left Pawnee and I ran to your house and put you to bed while you were drunk?”</p><p>He chuckled. “It was a very hard night.”</p><p>“Well, I made a promise to you that night, on a piece of paper before I left.” </p><p>Stay with me, Wyatt, and I'll stay too. Let's both keep our promises.</p><p>“I already broke that promise, at one point,” Leslie continued. “But now? I have every intention of staying for as long as you'll have me, Wyatt.”</p><p>Ben held her tighter and smiled into her hair. “I'm not going anywhere, Knope. I promise.”</p><p>She held up her pinky, and he laughed, interlocking his own with hers and shaking. “There!” she said. “It's pinky promise official. Looks like you're stuck with me.”</p><p>“There's nowhere I'd rather be stuck.” Ben nudged her gently. “Now go to bed, honey. Big, big day tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben didn't fall asleep for a long time.</p><p>Not because he wasn't comfortable, because he honestly didn't think he had ever been more at home in his life. No, he couldn't sleep because he chose not to, because there was a beautiful woman lying on his chest that he was in love with and he wanted to savor that moment for as long as humanly possible.</p><p>It was a treat to watch Leslie fall asleep, because she so rarely did it on time. He loved the way that sleep took her, first with fluttering eyelashes and a slight jerking of her limbs as if she was subconsciously fighting it, but then falling into it completely, deep breaths and all, looking so soft and peaceful and beautiful that goddammit, all Ben wanted to do was stare at her all night and watch her breathe.</p><p>So many things had happened in only twenty four hours, but Ben didn't regret a single thing. As soon as the words had slipped from Leslie's mouth, “let's just say screw it,” Ben knew he was powerless to keep his feelings at bay any longer. Every time she said his name, every time she said screw it, every time she said she chose him, his heart bursted for her, and he didn't regret kissing her in that smallest park for the world. He didn't regret taking her back to her place, and making love to her in her bed, because he knew this was exactly where he was supposed to be. There was no future for Ben Wyatt that didn't include Leslie Knope.</p><p>She looked so small in sleep, but that didn't reduce the power she exuded, even when she wasn't doing anything. Not that she was silent, not at all. She talked in her sleep. It was something Ben realized before, between stolen naps and secret nights together, but he never really appreciated it like he should have. Before, it was just something that woke him up, something he wouldn't listen to, but now, it was everything to him. He laid next to her and cuddled her close and was reminded that she was real and alive and here with every jerk of her body, every political speech she came up with in her sleep, every bit of random nonsense that would only make sense in her dreams.</p><p>Ben became very aware, as he finally started to fall into sleep by the soothing nature of her voice on his ears, that this was it for him. He should be insecure, or even distrustful or afraid, after all they had been through, with the affair and the scandal and having only just come together after being broken up and fighting, but he wasn't. He really wasn't. There was no real fear, and he had no reason not to trust her, or worry about his standing when it came to her heart.</p><p>In fact, Ben had never been so sure about anything in his life.</p><p>He fell asleep with that thought, but for some reason, it felt short lived. He could've sworn that he had just closed his eyes when he was slowly opening them again, her bedroom a little lighter this time, soft sunlight streaming through the curtains. Leslie was still fast asleep on his chest, naked and with her whole body wrapped around him, and there was a slight rustling that couldn't have come from her.</p><p>The bedroom door creaked, and for a moment, Ben thought he was in a dream.</p><p>“What the fuck is going on?”</p><p>Mark Brendanawicz was standing in the doorway.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Stream the new Parks and Recreation special tomorrow 4/30 for clear skin—</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“What the fuck is going on?”</p><p>Leslie jolted awake to screaming, never exactly having been a deep sleeper. Her eyes were fuzzy and it was hot and she was very tightly wound around Ben, who she realized was shaking. She shifted, moving to push her hair out of her eyes, when the yelling started up again, and she realized what it was.</p><p>“What the fuck, Leslie? What are you doing?”</p><p>Oh god. Oh god, shit. Mark was standing in the doorway, Mark was home early. Mark, who was still her fiancé, and she still wore his ring on her finger, was staring wild eyed and red faced at her as she was naked and in bed with another man.</p><p>“Mark!” she squeaked, sitting up in bed and pulling the covers over herself. Ben was beside her, frozen in place and completely petrified, nearly ripping his hair out of his head. She suddenly found herself very grateful that Ben had at least managed to pull on his boxers before they fell asleep last night. “Mark, listen to me—”</p><p>Mark pointed a shaking finger between her and Ben, the rage bubbling precariously under the surface. “No. No, no, no. This… this is… Leslie, the ONE goddamned man I told you from the START wanted you. The one man I was insecure over—”</p><p>Suddenly, she was angry. “Don't play the insecurity card. That makes you sound like a victim.”</p><p>“I AM THE VICTIM HERE!” he screamed, and Ben flinched beside her. “What part of that do you not understand? Shit, Leslie, I asked you to marry me! I got down on one knee and was ready to start a family with you and you… how long has this been going on?”</p><p>This was terrible. This was absolutely, one hundred percent terrible, and not at all how she pictured this was going to go. She imagined sitting down with Mark that night, alone, and calmly explaining to him that she no longer wanted to marry him, that she had caught feelings for someone else. She wanted to work things out with as little conflict as possible, because she knew dealing with Chris at work was already going to be bad enough. But now… “Since before you proposed,” she choked out. She couldn't even lie, god, why didn't she lie?</p><p>There was a scary flash in Mark’s eyes. “You… you said yes to my proposal… you agreed to marry me knowing you were cheating on me with your fucking boss? Do you have any idea how messed up this is, Leslie? This is a seriously fucked up thing—”</p><p>“Leave her alone.”</p><p>A quiet voice, but was heard nonetheless. Leslie and Mark’s eyes darted over to Ben, almost forgotten, and Leslie wished he had stayed that way. If he hadn't said anything, she likely could've protected him. She could've gotten him out before Mark turned on him. But now… </p><p>Mark’s eyes went dark as they trained on Ben. “What… the fuck did you just say to me?”</p><p>Ben’s fingers gripped desperately at the blanket like a lifeline. “I said… leave her alone. You can't talk to her like that.”</p><p>“I'll talk to her however the hell I WANT to talk to her, Wyatt, and I'll do the same to you. You don't think you're off the hook, do you? I swear to god, I should beat your ass for putting your hands on her—”</p><p>“NO!” Ben shouted, looking about ready to stand up, boxers be damned. “No, screw you, Brendanawicz. You don't get to have any say in any of this, because this whole time all you've done is be awful to Leslie.”</p><p>Leslie winced. “Ben—”</p><p>“Excuse me?” Mark interrupted. “All I've done is be awful? What the hell have you done? I've known her longer, I've been with her longer, I know her better than you ever could—”</p><p>“Leslie deserves better than you.”</p><p>“AND LIKE HELL YOU’RE WHATS BETTER!” Mark and Ben were both standing now, Ben small and shirtless and Mark very tall and very angry. “You think you can just sneak in here and steal her away from me?” Mark shoved Ben’s shoulders, knocking him backwards and almost off his feet. He kept moving too, his hands in fists, as if begging Ben to start a fight. “I swear to god, I swear I'll kill you, Wyatt.”</p><p>“ENOUGH!” Leslie screamed, wrapping a blanket around herself and throwing herself in between Mark and Ben. She pushed at Mark’s chest until he backed up, and she stood in front of Ben, an arm outstretched. He didn't deserve to have to deal with this. “ENOUGH, Mark, don't you dare touch him.”</p><p>Mark snorted. “You're right, I should've left touching him to you.”</p><p>She felt her head about to explode, clutching the blanket around her body like her life depended on it. “No. No, you know what, Mark? I've got something to say to you, and you're going to listen. I’m going to be honest with you.”</p><p>“Have you ever been honest with me?”</p><p>“YES!” she heaved. “Yes. I have. And then I wasn't. And now I'm going to be more honest than I've ever been before.” She took a deep breath, and prepared herself, but try as she might she couldn't plan out these words. They were going to come out of her however they wanted to, because after so long of holding them in they were now bound to spill all over. And maybe that was okay. Maybe she was sick and tired of hiding how she felt and dancing around Mark’s feelings. “We got together over two years ago. You kissed me by the pit in Lot 48 and I wanted to say no to you that night. I wanted to yell at you or reject you or anything but what I did. And then I accidentally tripped you.”</p><p>Mark gave her an odd look. “What are you talking about? You tripped me?”</p><p>“I didn't mean to. And I never told anyone, just let everything think you fell. But I felt so bad about it, I decided to go out with you.”</p><p>He laughed, cold and empty. “So you're telling me I was a goddamn pity date?”</p><p>Leslie held up a hand. “Let me finish. From the very beginning of our relationship, I didn't act like myself. I twisted every part of my personality to fit what you wanted, what made you happy, and it got to a point where people didn't even recognize me when I was around you. I didn't even realize I was doing it… until a very smart person told me I should yell more.”</p><p>She imagined Ben behind her, but didn't dare look at him. She knew he was concealing a tiny grin, she knew he was creeping closer and closer towards her as if to keep her safe, to stay by her side. She was very thankful for him for that.</p><p>She continued. “I should yell more. I do it with everyone else, but never with you. Not enough with you.”</p><p>“That's bullshit,” Mark said. “You've been yelling at me a lot lately.”</p><p>“Lately, exactly, that's the key word here. Because of what that very smart person told me. Because I've been slowly realizing he was right, and I've been getting better. Stronger. Smarter.”</p><p>Mark’s hands were on his face. “Then what the hell did you accept my proposal for?”</p><p>“I shouldn't have,” she said. “It was a moment of weakness. I was losing a lot and I thought it was my only option. I realize my mistake now, and I'm ready to fix it.”</p><p>Mark started to look a little panicky as Leslie rose her hand. “Les? What are you doing?”</p><p>She stared at the ring on her finger, but there were no doubts in her head. She knew, one hundred percent, that she was making the right choice, and she wouldn't regret it. “I'm finally ending this,” she said, and she slipped the engagement ring off her finger and held it up to Mark. “I'm finally freeing myself of you.”</p><p>There were tears in the corners of Mark’s eyes, tears that didn't deserve to be there, but maybe she felt kind of good seeing them. But they weren't sad as much as angry, his face contorted and red, and he looked on the edge of something very big. He snatched the ring from her hands and shoved it violently into his pocket. “Screw you, Leslie,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “I don't want to marry a whore anyway.”</p><p>The room froze, and Leslie’s ears were blocked off with a sudden ringing. She felt rooted to the spot, her body jerking unkindly. What was that word he just used? Was this really happening?</p><p>She felt Ben against her arm, pushing ahead of her. “What did you just say?” Ben asked.</p><p>Mark stared right at Ben. “She had an affair with her own boss. That makes a whore—” </p><p>Mark never finished his sentence, because Ben’s fist had connected with his face.</p><p> </p><p>Ben had almost fought Mark one other time before now.</p><p>At Andy and April’s wedding, he had come very close. He was very drunk then, and very jealous over how he couldn't have Leslie, and Mark was being an asshole. He never actually fought him, but still. He would have. He wanted to.</p><p>Ben was not drunk now. And Ben was not missing Leslie, but instead had since become Leslie’s boyfriend. But one thing remained the same: Mark was being an asshole. Even worse than ever. He knew exactly what that word meant to Leslie, he had heard very extensive rants and how that word affected women everywhere, and Mark used it on her. He actually called her a whore, when he likely knew exactly the kind of effect it would have on her. So, as opposed to last time, Ben punched Mark in the face.</p><p>There was no better time to do it than now.</p><p>The second his fist connected to Mark’s mouth, he didn't regret it, but his hand sure wasn't thanking him for the action. He immediately felt the snap, his bones crunching with the impact. Mark stumbled backwards and grabbed at his mouth, while Ben clutched his hand to his chest, wincing.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Leslie cried, but she didn't run to Mark, kneeling on the floor. No, she came to Ben, to where his fingers felt numb. “Oh my god, babe, that was so hot!”</p><p>“Excuse me?!” Mark yelled, muffled under his hand. There was blood peeking between his fingers. “What the hell?”</p><p>“Good lord,” Ben whispered, feeling very frazzled. “Oh… oh god. Leslie, I'm so sorry—” The thought to punch Mark never even fully occurred to Ben, it sort of just happened. He was so angry over his choice of words and how he was yelling at Leslie and making her feel like a horrible person… and all that pent up rage over all the wrong things Mark had ever done to her, that it just sort of… happened. And, oh god, Leslie had tried to stop Mark from being physical, and then he turned around and did it. “I'm so sorry,” he stammered. “I didn't mean, I didn't think—”</p><p>He was interrupted by the feel of Leslie’s lips on his, one hand cupping the back of his neck to fix their height difference, pulling him into her. He gasped at the kiss and could never say no to her, falling into it, but the guilt only stayed at bay for a moment. Why was she kissing him and not berating him?</p><p>“Never apologize for that,” she told him fiercely as soon as she pulled away. “Ever. I think that was one of the sexiest things you've ever done.”</p><p>Oh. Well, if that was true, Ben supposed he would have to punch mean jerks for her more often. Especially if it meant she would make out with him afterwards. Even if it nearly broke his hand.</p><p>He told her as much. “Um, I think I may have broken my hand.”</p><p>Her eyes widened. “Oh— my god. Oh no. Do we need to go to the hospital?”</p><p>“Go ahead.” It was Mark that said the words, finally pulling himself back up, and complete terror ran through Ben’s body. Oh god, Mark was definitely going to beat him within an inch of his life and that was why he was suggesting they go ahead to the hospital. He was truly dead meat now, who even cared about his hand? His head wasn't even about to be attached. He gripped Leslie with his free hand and she held him close, as if she were on the exact same wavelength as him.</p><p>“I'm not going to hurt you,” Mark said, and he was weirdly calm. Scarily calm. “Not physically, at least. Because I can do better than that.”</p><p>Leslie’s lower lip trembled. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Mark shrugged, wiped the blood off his mouth, and adjusted his shirt collar. “Nothing, nothing. You two go to the hospital. I've got important meetings at work today that I'm… very excited to get to. In fact… I think I'll head over to City Hall now.”</p><p>Mark slammed the bedroom door, and Leslie grabbed Ben’s arm in a way that made him wince. “Oh my god, Ben. He's going to tell Chris.”</p><p>Fear struck Ben’s heart as he came to the same conclusion. This… this wasn't good. If Chris heard about Ben and Leslie’s relationship from anybody except the two of them, well…</p><p>“We have to,” he told her. “We have to get dressed and skip the hospital and go right now. We can call Ann on the way. But Leslie… if we don't get to Chris before Mark does… then we’re both fired before the end of the day.”</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mark’s car was already in the parking lot by the time Leslie and Ben reached City Hall. At that point, it was a race against the clock, a ticking time bomb that might have already gone off. </p><p>Getting themselves ready was a disaster. Leslie was not nearly so put together as she normally was, having even forgone heels for flats, in case she had to run, but poor Ben was worse off. They had stupidly forgotten to stop by his house the night before, so he was rushing into work in the same clothes he wore yesterday, looking rumpled and very anxious, a limp hand to boot.</p><p>Leslie couldn't help but secretly think he looked sexier than she had ever seen him. He HAD just come back from punching her jerk of an ex-fiancé after all.</p><p>Ex-fiancé. That felt very nice to say. It felt very freeing to think. </p><p>Leslie and Ben parked haphazardly and way too fast, slamming doors to rush into City Hall. The next question was, where even was Mark? And where was Chris, for that matter? </p><p>“Hey Leslie! Hey Roomie!” a very cheery voice rang down the hall, and Leslie sighed in relief— Andy, and he was with April. They could be of some help. “Hey, why didn't you come back home last night?” Andy asked Ben. April shot them both a knowing, suspicious look.</p><p>“No time to talk,” Leslie gasped, skidding to a halt. “Have either of you seen Chris, or Mark?”</p><p>Andy nodded enthusiastically. “Mark was just here! He was looking for Chris too, they're all going to the Parks department.”</p><p>“Oh god,” Ben whispered. “We're too late, right? We're too late.”</p><p>A wicked smirk twisted on April’s lips. “Oooh, is there drama? I wanna see drama.”</p><p>“No drama!” Leslie insisted, but it was obviously not convincing, especially when she grabbed Ben’s hand and tugged him to run towards the Parks department. She knew Andy and April weren't very far behind.</p><p>As it turned out, just about everyone was in the Parks department. And Mark and Chris stood facing each other in the center of the room.</p><p>“—really need to talk to you privately,” Mark was saying to Chris, and Leslie knew there was no more time. There was no more waiting. This was happening, and it was happening now, whether she wanted it this way or not. There was no other way.</p><p>“Stop!” she yelled, and the entire group looked over at her and Ben, just as Andy and April skidded in behind her. “Stop, Mark. Don't do this.”</p><p>A hush fell over the room.</p><p>Mark looked past Chris to glare at Leslie, and it was clear he wasn't going to be holding back either. “No. I don't have to listen to anything you say,” he said, spitting the words at her. Chris’s eyes were wide with confusion. “It's way past time for your secrets to come out, don't you think?”</p><p>“I have literally no idea what's going on here,” Chris mumbled, and then, much louder, “But I did just promise to meet with Mark Brendanawicz. So we should go do that.”</p><p>“Chris, just wait,” Ben pleaded, and maybe it was the fact that it was Ben who was speaking that made Chris pause. Ben, who was his Assistant City Manager. Ben, who wasn't supposed to have any voice in this fight. Ben, who was once considered Chris’s closest and sometimes only friend.</p><p>And Ben would have to betray that trust.</p><p>“Just give us… one moment, please,” Ben asked. “Just a second, to think this through. Talk to us first. We don't have to do this here.”</p><p>“I disagree,” Mark said. “At first, I was okay with a private meeting, but honestly, I see the benefit to this now. You can't hide your scandal from everyone if it comes out here and now, can you?”</p><p>There was that word— scandal. Just that sent the Park department into mumbles and shared looks. April crossed her arms and sucked in a breath, Andy kept looking between Ben and Leslie, Jerry was red in the face, Donna had gasped audibly, now whispering behind her hand with Tom, and Ron stood in the doorway of his office with a cup of coffee in hand, looking slightly strained.</p><p>Chris blinked rapidly. “I'm sorry, did you say scandal?”</p><p>There was no avoiding it now, Mark’s choice of words had given them no other out. Not that Leslie wanted an out, but just a better way to tell Chris. She wanted to sit in Chris’s office, holding hands with Ben to support each other, telling him the story together. The last thing she wanted was for it to be forced out of her in front of all her friends. It almost felt like it meant less. This wasn't on her own terms.</p><p>“Yes, scandal,” Mark repeated. “Should you explain, Leslie, or shall I?”</p><p>She opened her mouth to say… something, anything, she didn't know what, when Ben grabbed her hand in his and spoke before she could even take a proper breath. “Leslie and I are dating,” he announced, and there wasn't even a tremor in his voice. “It's been going on for quite a while. And we came here to tell you that, Chris.”</p><p>There was a brief moment of silence, and then the room burst out into conversation again, this time much louder, and far more chaotic. In the midst of it, Chris stood staring right by Mark’s side, his bright eyes tilting downwards to take in their clasped hands.</p><p>“Alright, Ben and Leslie!” Donna whistled, clearly very into the drama while also remaining supportive. “You are looking WELL taken care of, girl.”</p><p>“Oh my god, a secret sexcapade with your boss?” Tom gaped, sitting on Donna’s desk. “Leslie, you are ten times cooler to me now.” Tom and Donna exchanged a look, and a hand movement between them, all wide eyes and grins.</p><p>“Yeah, I think I like you more now,” April mumbled from behind her, but there was clearly something she was hiding, as if she knew more than she was letting on. For Andy’s sake, most likely, because he was currently jumping up and down with ill-contained excitement.</p><p>“Dude, what! This is so cool, two of my favorite people ever are dating?” Andy gasped, and it was Jerry who ruined the mood for them all.</p><p>“Wait, but I thought Leslie was engaged to Mark?” Jerry asked, frowning at his desk. The group stared at him.</p><p>“Shut the hell up, Jerry,” Tom yelled.</p><p>“That just makes it even more dramatic, and even more passionate,” mused Donna. “Trust me, I’ve been there. Besides…” She studied both Mark and Ben. “Wyatt’s the hotter one.”</p><p>“I'm sorry, rewind,” Chris interrupted, and everyone went silent to catch the next words. “You mean to tell me… that you've been involved in a relationship with your inferior, behind my back, when you know it's against the rules, for quite a while now?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben nodded. “I have. And we just came to tell you, I promise. Our sole goal this morning was to tell you everything.”</p><p>“Why now?” Chris gasped, and he sounded pained, like he couldn't believe it. “Why choose to tell me now?”</p><p>“I caught them,” Mark interrupted. “I caught my fiancé naked in bed with him, I caught her cheating on me, and she panicked and now has decided to tell you before I do. Because they don't want to look bad. Because they know what this means for them.”</p><p>“That's not true!” Leslie said suddenly, finally finding her voice. She sounded hoarse, but not unsure of herself. “Mark did catch us, yes, and that wasn't part of the plan. But that's not the reason we decided to tell you.”</p><p>“What, then?” Chris asked, and Ben squeezed Leslie’s hand tighter.</p><p>She took a deep breath. “We were… broken up, for a while. Because we knew sneaking around like this was bad and it was wearing on us in a way that wasn't healthy. But we couldn't take it. We decided to say screw it. We decided that just last night, that we would… do anything to be together. Even if that meant breaking off my engagement. Even if it meant a scandal regarding my campaign for City Council. Even if it meant telling you, Chris, and risking our jobs.”</p><p>Chris looked genuinely heartbroken, the look in his eyes more and more painful as he took several steps closer to them. “Ben,” he said. “Is this true?”</p><p>Ben didn't hesitate. “It is,” he choked.</p><p>Chris squeezed his eyes shut, and Leslie swore she saw tiny traces of tears along the lashes of his eyes. “I can't believe this,” he said, his voice much unlike its usual overly-cheery nature. “I mean, I love you both so much. So to think that, this whole time…”</p><p>It was too much for Ben, he had to look at the floor. His hand loosened its grip in hers.</p><p>“Thank you,” Mark said, throwing his hands in the air. “I mean, can you even imagine how I feel? Fuck, I proposed to this woman and wanted to put a baby in her, and this whole time she's putting out with her boss.”</p><p>“Watch it,” Ben hissed, looking up only to glare at Mark. “Watch your mouth—”</p><p>“Babe,” Leslie cautioned. “Not now. Not the way.”</p><p>Mark laughed loudly, upping the ante even further. “She's even calling him babe! Right in front of me! She's got no shame, none whatsoever, she was making out with him naked in front of me this morning—”</p><p>There was a squeal that came from Donna. “Go, Leslie, get em!”</p><p>“— and she's still holding his hand! She does this awful, horrible thing, and you still think she can work here? No. No, she doesn't deserve it. Neither of them deserve it.”</p><p>Chris held up a hand, right as Ben opened his mouth to retort back. And thank god, because Leslie just knew that argument would've turned feral. “I can't make any hasty decisions,” Chris said slowly. “And what I'm about to say breaks my heart.”</p><p>“Then don't say it!” Leslie tried out, her voice cracking.</p><p>“I'll have to put you both through an ethics trial,” he said, looking away. “To find out the full extent of your wrongdoing in this relationship.”</p><p>“Are you serious?” The outrage came, surprisingly, from Mark. “An ethics trial? What the hell is that gonna do? They blatantly broke a rule and admitted to it, they're rubbing it in your face, and you're just going to let them have it easy because, what, they're your friends?”</p><p>“I'm just doing my job, Mark—”</p><p>“No, you're going too easy,” he hissed. “I mean, do you seriously think they deserve this? After everything they put you through, all the lying, sneaking around—”</p><p>“Shut UP, Mark!” Leslie yelled, and it was so sudden that it shocked even her. The silence was deafening, a ringing in her ears where conversation and anger used to be. “Just… shut up, and leave it alone. Leave Ben alone. Leave me alone.”</p><p>Mark glared at her, moving closer, and Leslie did the same, her hand slipping from Ben’s, leaving him behind her. Her and Mark stood directly in front of each other, and she was so short next to him that she had to crane her neck to look into his eyes.</p><p>It was a while before either of them spoke.</p><p>“I hope you're happy, Leslie,” Mark said, but there was no love in his voice. “God, I hope it was worth it. You had something good. Something strong, and stable, something that gave you a career and a path and even a family one day, and you gave it up for him. You better hope you don't wake up a year from now, next to him, and regret everything. You better hope that it was worth it.”</p><p>Maybe Leslie couldn't control the circumstances around which Chris discovered their relationship. Maybe she didn't get to decide when Mark found out about the affair. She didn't get to control when the Parks department would find out, and she couldn't decide anyone's reactions. All of that was painfully out of her hands, and there was nothing she could do about that. But there was still one thing she could control, one thing that would lead power back into her hands, to give her reign in this situation. There was one thing she could say, all on her own, that would make it clear to Ben, and everyone else around her, that she was in this for real, that she truly meant it when she said “let's just say screw it.”</p><p>“It is worth it,” she said. “Because I'm in love with Ben.”</p><p>Mark sucked in a breath, and Leslie heard Ben gasp behind her. “You… what?” Ben mumbled. She turned around, away from Mark, to look Ben in the eyes as she said it again.</p><p>“I'm in love with you,” she told him, much softer now. “I'm in love with you, and I don't care who hears that. I love you, even if it means we both get fired. I love you, and I want to be with you, no matter the cost. I like you, because you're my best friend, and there's no one I'd rather go into this battle with than you. God, I… I love you and I like you. Both of them.”</p><p>Ben’s lower lip trembled, and the room was silent enough that she swore in that moment, it was just the two of them. Ben didn't move any closer, just stared at her, and his next words came tumbling out so fast that he had to gasp to breathe afterwards. “I love you, too. I'm in love with you. God, I love you and I like you, and… and you're not going to get fired. Not now, or ever.”</p><p>Mark scoffed. “You don't exactly get to control that, Wyatt—”</p><p>“Actually, it turns out I do,” Ben said. “Because I quit. Effective immediately.”</p><p>And then all of hell broke loose in the Parks department.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So you admit fully to the relationship, even on the record?”</p><p>Leslie sat alone in Chris Traeger’s office, a recorder between them, only hours after the truth came out in the Parks department.</p><p>“I do,” she said, voice even, no trace of pain. “I admit to a relationship with my superior, Ben Wyatt.”</p><p>“And you can confirm that, besides the relationship itself, there was no other rule breaking, like bribery or favoritism involved?”</p><p>“Yes. I mean— yes, I can confirm that. The only rule we broke was dating each other.”</p><p>Chris sighed, but for the first time since that morning, he was starting to look a little more relaxed. The lines in his forehead started to smooth, and he was breathing deeper, taking fewer vitamins and supplements between speaking. He reached forward and shut the recorder off, smoothing his hand over his papers. “I think you're very lucky,” he told her. “This had the potential to be very bad, Leslie, what with that scene in the Parks department this morning.”</p><p>“I know,” she said, looking down. “But, honestly, that really wasn't the intention. Ben and I truly had real, concrete plans to come talk to you here, together, and explain everything in private.”</p><p>“I believe you,” Chris said. “If it's true, that Mark Brendanawicz caught the two of you together, I can see why he reacted the way that he did.”</p><p>Somewhere deep inside her, Leslie understood too. A part of her still felt guilty, for what she did to him, and how it all went down. But a bigger part of Leslie recognized that any thoughts or feelings about Mark Brendanawicz at all were better left behind her in the past.</p><p>“Thank you for understanding, Chris,” she told him. He really was amazing throughout the entire process, and it had been a long day of talking to Ben and Leslie and Mark and each member of the Parks department. He had been doing this all against two of his closest friends, and while it hurt, Leslie knew he was just doing his job. She could never hold anything against him. He did amazing in spite of it all. “Thank you for listening, and for your patience. And thank you for not… hating me.”</p><p>And there it was, a flash of a signature Chris Traeger smile. “I could never hate you, Leslie Knope. But don't thank me, really. Like I said, you got very lucky. If Ben hadn't resigned, if he hadn't admitted to it all…”</p><p>“I know,” she gasped, the weight of Ben’s sacrifice weighing on her heart. “I… I'm very lucky to have him.”</p><p>“And I think Ben is very lucky to have you,” Chris smiled, his voice softer. His eyes were bright and shining with coming tears. “The way he talks about you, Leslie, it's something special. I've known Ben for a very long time. I've never once seen him in love like this. This has been very hard, not just for me, but I'm sure very much so for the both of you.”</p><p>“It has,” Leslie admitted, and suddenly she felt like crying. “But at least it's over.”</p><p>“It is. And I hope you know, I am here for you both. As his longest friend… you're the only person I know who's worthy of being Ben’s girlfriend.”</p><p>This time, a tear did escape the corner of her eye. “I hope that's true.”</p><p>Chris took a deep breath, a moment to collect himself, the rims of his eyes looking very red. He shook his jitters out and smoothed his jacket sleeves, clearly on the verge of something he didn't want to do. “Before you go, Leslie, there is… one more thing I should tell you.”</p><p>She rose a brow at him, trying not to feel scared.</p><p>“Your… ex-fiancé, Mark Brendanawicz?” Chris started. “I'm sure you've been wondering, you had to have been upset at the idea of seeing him around Pawnee City Hall.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>“I just want to let you know that it won't be a problem. Mark was one of the first I met with this morning, and by the end of our meeting, he… quit. Also, effective immediately. He would give me no reason, other than saying he couldn't do it anymore. So seeing him around shouldn't be much of a problem.”</p><p>Leslie gaped, staring at Chris. “Mark quit? He actually quit his job?”</p><p>“He did, yes. I would've talked him out of it, but… between you and me, I didn't much want to.”</p><p>By the time Leslie was finally leaving Chris’s office, Mark resigning was all she was thinking about. It was so unexpected, the very last thing she would expect of him. But he did it anyway, and now they were short a City Planner and Leslie wouldn't have to fear his presence in the halls. He actually quit, and because of that, she supposed it was a little easier to accept what happened next. </p><p>She parked in her driveway with just the intention of changing really quick to go back out, but standing in her doorway with her keys in hand, she froze.</p><p>All of Mark’s things were gone from her house. Every remnant of him, every article of clothing, even his favorite snacks from the fridge. </p><p>Mark had moved out without a word. It was as if he was never there at all.</p><p> </p><p>Ben, Leslie, and Ann sat together in a booth at JJ’s Diner later that night, all three of them starving and completely incapable of shutting up.</p><p>“Oh my god, you just went back to your house and all his stuff was gone?” Ann gasped.</p><p>“Just like that,” Leslie nodded. “I checked every room, absolutely no sign of him. Honestly… it feels kind of great. Him moving out, him quitting, it's like it's the last string connecting me to him finally broke, and this can be done once and for all.”</p><p>“Thank god,” Ben mumbled, and he smiled at his girlfriend, sitting next to Ann across from him. It had been a very, very long day, and a very hard one, and this kind of outing was very necessary. After all, Ann had lamented over and over again over call that it was completely unfair she missed the scene in the Parks department because she was at work, and Leslie was more than willing to invite her to dinner to talk all about it.</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Ann started, flinging her arms around. She was smiling with ease, laughing at the stories her two best friends told her. “So what exactly happened after Ben announced he was quitting?”</p><p>Both Ben and Leslie laughed at the memory, though just this morning, already feeling like it was a lifetime ago. “Complete chaos,” Ben told her, reaching over to Ann’s plate to steal a piece of toast from her. “I think Jerry was choking on something?”</p><p>Leslie laughed, and the sound instantly brought Ben incredible amounts of joy. “He was! On air, or a cracker, who knows? And Tom and Donna were losing their minds, Donna was yelling something about the sacrifice of true love—”</p><p>“— and Andy was jumping around and knocking things over, I don't even think April had time to react because she was trying to reel Andy in before he smashed a computer.”</p><p>“And Ron was trying to hide it, because I don't think he said a word the entire time, but I noticed him smiling. He did smile at me, after I told Ben I loved him. He did look happy for us.”</p><p>“And Chris, god, I don't even think Chris knew what to do with us. He was so upset when I said I was quitting, because we’ve worked together for so long, but I think he understood. Somewhere in Mark’s angry screaming and ranting, Chris understood.”</p><p>Ann focused her attention on Ben, her smile fading to a softer one, one filled with more concern and care than anything else. “And how are you feeling, Ben? Being… unemployed now? Are you doing okay?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, and smiled in Leslie’s direction. “I'll be okay.” And when Ann raised an eyebrow at him, “Really, I will be. I'll find something else. I'll look around and take up new hobbies. Don't go thinking I regret this, because I don't. Not even for a moment.”</p><p>Leslie’s hand slid across the table to grab his, and Ben felt at peace.</p><p>“Besides,” he continued. “I can always jump back up. What I'm mostly worried about is your campaign, babe,” he said in Leslie's direction. “I mean, this kind of thing… it can't look good. Have you talked to your advisors yet today?”</p><p>She shook her head, and squeezed Ben’s hand. “Not yet. Tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but… like you said, don't think I'm going to regret this. Choosing to be with you… I think it's one of the bravest things we’ve ever done, and I'll always be happy with this choice.”</p><p>When the two of them wouldn't stop looking at each other, holding hands tightly together, it was easy to forget that had company. Even if that company was their best friend, the very supportive Ann Perkins. Neither of them snapped out of it at all, actually, until Ann cleared her throat, and the couple jumped.</p><p>“Okay, well, as much as I love you both, you're giving each other a look like you're going to take each other in the middle of JJ’s,” she teased, and Ben felt his face go red, looking sheepish. “I'm supporting you both, but I have to go. I'll call you tonight, okay, Les?”</p><p>Leslie got up to give Ann a hug. “Please do,” she told her. “We always have so much to talk about.”</p><p>And Ben, too, gave Ann a hug, before she got too far away. She looked a little surprised, but gratefully accepted it, winding her arms around him. “Thank you,” Ben whispered to Ann. “For… god, for everything. I don't think I would be here with her right now if it weren't for your help.”</p><p>Ann smiled at him. “You're a good friend, Ben. And a good man. You're good for her. I couldn't think of anyone better to be my best friend's boyfriend. So you be good to her.”</p><p>“I will be,” Ben promised, and both he and Leslie waved at her as she walked out of JJ’s. There was only a beat, a pause, before they were looking at each other again, but this time there was a new tension in Leslie's eyes, the tiniest amount of vulnerability.</p><p>“What is it?” he asked her, holding her gaze. She could never hide a single mood from him, he knew too well with just the slightest change of her face. “You can tell me.”</p><p>Leslie took a deep breath. “I want you… to do something for me. And I know maybe it's too soon, but I don't care. Because I know what I want, and I'm… I'm so sure of you, and of us, and I love you so much.”</p><p>He held her hand tightly. “Anything.”</p><p>“I want you to move in with me.”</p><p>Her words came out rushed, as if she was almost scared, but not like she was second guessing. She wanted this, he knew that, he would never think otherwise when it came to her. And he didn't want to go a single day without waking up next to her and falling asleep beside her. Maybe that was why he had an answer only seconds after her request.</p><p>“Yes,” he said, and he split into a wide smile. “Yes. Yes, I will move in with you. God, I'll… move in today, if that's what you want.”</p><p>“Yes!” she enthusiastically agreed. “God, I love you so much.”</p><p>I love you so much. I love you and I like you. Those words, they meant the world to Ben. They were everything he ever sought after, everything he dreamed of, everything he thought he would never have, and now it was right here in front of him. And he was moving in with her today. Ben and Leslie would be okay. There was no doubt in the world about that.</p><p>Brighter than ever, Leslie took her hand from Ben to dive back into her waffles, and Ben couldn't help but stare at her. The way her eyes lit up, the way she grinned into her waffles, the way she got whipped cream on her upper lip and cackled when he pointed it out. He realized something, then, something very important.</p><p>Leslie Knope was happy. And that was beautiful.</p><p>As he reached across the table to wipe the whipped cream from her lip, he reveled in her happiness, how it made him happier just to witness it. How he felt lighter, fuller, and much more complete when she was there, giggling against his touch. And everything was okay.</p><p>He told her, a few times, that she should yell more, because the emotion was a sight to behold, something so stunning, so strong. Ben had always liked when Leslie yelled.</p><p>But looking at her now, in this moment in time, doubled over with laughter… he decided he liked it best when she was smiling.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for all the love and support from so many of you. I never expected this fic to gain so much traction, as my very first Parks fic, and I can't fully explain how much it means to be that so many of you were here every chapter along the way, no matter how annoying it is to read unfinished fics.<br/>It's bittersweet to finish this now, because I've loved writing this story so much.<br/>You guys are the best, I love you and I like you all.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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